DID I MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE? TELL ME! BE 100% Honest!?

Question

ok, last time i told all of you about my gf. if you don't know what im talking about, i wil explain again. ok this is how it goes, my gf whos 23 years old, i been dating for a while now. anyway before she dated me, she had a ex bf, and they made the choice to have a baby, but broke up a few weeks later. anyway she told me she was going to have a baby thats not even mine!. we never had sex, and she said shes going to keep the baby. anyway i came here and asked for advice, and i told her how i felt. i said im glad shes keeping the baby, and im still going to be with her, i love her, and i will help her take care of the baby. im 18, and my 23 year old gf is having a baby thats not mine, but i made the choice to stay. i got a job, and i can help her if she needs it. were not getitng married, and she said shes never going to see her ex again. i love her, and if that means baby sitting the baby if she has to go somewhere, i won't mind. what are your thoughts on this? and be 100% honest

Answer 1

I think you are a stand-up guy. We need more guys like you in this world!

Answer 2

My first thought is the baby. My second thought...the age difference....I"m speaking from experience here and from the heart and I hope that this will help you. You are 18, just barely a legal adult....she is 23...she can legally drink, she can legally go to bars and clubs. What do you think is going to happen after she has the baby and her friends call and want to go out??? Because you have put yourself in the position of "I love you and will help you raise your baby" she's going to call you to come watch the baby while she's out partying with her friends.
Also, what about the baby??? If you stay with this girl for say 4/5 years,,,the baby will think you are his/her daddy....you two break up...she decides to be a ***** and not let you continue your role as daddy...the baby will suffer and not know what is wrong or why he/she can't see daddy.

You say you love her.....but do you really even know what love is or what it feels like? I mean you are young and at 18, to be totally honest, you're thinking with your penis. You should be starting college in the Fall and discovering who you are and who you want to be, not worrying about raising another man's child. How long have you been with this girl? And lastly, I'm sorry if this sounds cruel, but she's wrong for being with you....she's 5 years older than you....if you were 1 year younger she could go to jail for statutory reasons.....the only reason that I can see for a woman her age to be with a man your age is to bide time, to have someone with her while she goes through this rough time while being pregnant and maybe she does have feelings for you, but if you give up persuing your future, to be with her, she will eventually leave you because you won't have anything to offer her and her child in the long run....and when that time comes you've wasted your own time and part of your life and you can't get that back.

You need to think long and hard about this before making a commitment to this person. You might think you love her, but there are thousands and thousands of girls out there that are your age and don't have this kind of baggage.

I wish you all the best.

Lani

Answer 3

You're way young to be doing this, but it is possible you know what you want to a good enough degree. I think you should consider what life will be like down the road... Will the father want to have visitation rights? Will she make him responsible for the child (child support) or let you do it? What kind of problems will the father create in later years? There can be thousands of dollars in litigation from all of this. Are YOU going to be expected to foot the bill? Just be careful. In Florida recently a divorced man found out that the child his ex wife had was not his, but the Florida Supreme Court still made HIM pay over $1200 a month in child support for a child that isn't his because he waited too long to sue his ex for fraud. Think long and hard about the situation you're getting into...

Answer 4

Dear Tom,
You will most likely hate what I have to say but, you said to be 100percent honest, so here goes. Are you crazy, and I really don't mean this with any disrespect. You are only 18 she is 23 in my book that is degrading because those 2 little babies are not even yours. I will tell you what will happen in the long run, you say you love her and you say you will support her even babysit for the babies, I got news for you, you will get stuck watching the kids for the rest of your life while your girlfriend goes out and has a life. Like I said I mean no direspect but this is no life for you. You will not have a life if you stay in this situtation. You said be honest.
Good Luck
Ronnie C

Answer 5

After reading everyones answers I think, taking care of your girlfriends baby makes you a man. It is not your baby therefore it does not make you a man, if it was your baby that would be different. I am very happy that she did not terminate. I think that it is really sweet of you to take care of your girl, and her baby. I don't think that you should leaver her either. I also don't agree with the people that said that you don't know what love is. That is bull%$^#. I fell in love with my husband when I was 19, and he was 23, we have been together for 5 years almost. Your girlfriend is going to see her ex, if not that is really wrong for the baby. How is the baby going to feel growing up without a father? My cousin grew up without a dad, and she had to mature way to fast. I think that the baby should know who you are from the begining. It would be the same if the baby was born previous to the relationship. Just make sure that the baby know that you are there for him/her. Make sure that your girlfriend knows that too. You could always adopt her baby as your own also. That way the baby knows as it gets older, that even thought you are not his/her biological father you are still there for them. You should not totally throw out the idea of marrying her either. Good Luck and I am happy for you.

Answer 6

When I read this my gut reaction was "guy, get out." I say get out because you are really young. 18 is young and you have so much to see and do. I dont know if your blinded by love or what...but the fact that you are questioning whether you should do this speaks volumes. Look into yourself and be honset with yourself why you are even asking this question.

I question her motive with this baby. Possibly it could be a way of her keeping ties to the ex-bf as well. She too is young. So young.

Anyways, if at the end of teh day you decide to stay with this woman, I wish you the best of luck. I hope for your sake you dont look back 10-15 years from now and think "I shoulda ran".

Answer 7

You are a gentleman. However, just make sure your choice is not too drastic. It is indeed a huge responsibility and great aftermath. Have you ever thought about changing diapers, marrying the mother, school funds, being a dad? You have not really detail about yall relationship. Is it all stable and well? You see it going anywhere? You love her, does she love you? You cant have her never to see her ex again. In the end, the child needs to know who the real father is. Hope all is well. You have thought about clearly as well.

Answer 8

This is a huge committment for someone so young. If you honestly think this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you're doing the right thing. But keep in mind, you have a lot of living to do, and you may not be ready to settle down. If you never intend on marrying her, I'd keep this relationship platonic. You can still lend a hand helping out with the baby, but I wouldn't commit everything to her.

Answer 9

wow, that is a tough one...I give her a lot of credit for not terminating the pregnancy, especially in this day and age!
She is going to see her ex, she is having his baby....
as much as I believe in love, and accepting someone for who they are and everything that comes along with them...u r young...a good friend of mine, who is now 29, was in a very similiar situation when he was 18...he stayed...and COMPLETELY regrets it...he ended up resenting the child becuz he was the one that stayed home nights babysitting while she went out and partied..strangly enough, she was older than him too....
so, i am truly sorry to say this...but get out while you can...she made a decision LESS than a year ago to have a baby with another man...she has not had time to move on

Answer 10

Well, to be honest with you... she will see the ex boyfriend again, after all she is having his baby. Just make sure this is what you want to do at the age of 18... if you decide this is what you want, then best of luck to you. I think at 18, you are making a very big decision, just make sure its for you.

Answer 11

I think it's very sweet, but you need to make sure that you're ready for the responsibility? Are you sure that you're ready to take care of another life? There are so many things to think about, you're still young and this could hold you back from so much. You just need to think real hard and if this is what you really want, go for it :)

Good luck