how to deal controlling grandparent)?

Question

Ok here's the situation....due to extenuating circumstances, my husband and are living with his mother right now with our 3 month old son. We are unable to get our own place at the moment, but we are trying. We are incredibly grateful to mom for helping us out as much as she does/has.

The problem is she thinks she is the parent. Beyond that, if she disagrees with how we raise our child (even down to what clothes he should wear, or whether or not we take him to see my family), she treatens to kick us out unless we do things HER way.
I just don't know how to deal with this. Obviously I don't want to end up homeless with my baby, but I want to be able to parent how I see fit. Anybody have any ideas on how I can handle this?

We do pay her the going rate to rent a room in the area, buy our own groceries, and do all the housekeeping (she figures "it's the LEAST we can do since she is doing so much for us"), so we're not really getting THAT good of a deal living here, but most people

don't want to rent a room to a couple with a little baby. I'm beside myself here.

Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

I am going through the same exact thing. My husband and I and our 3 month old live with his parents too. I asked the same question on here too. What I have come to realize is that you just have to take it all in stride. The best thing to learn how to say is "thanks, I'll consider that." Remember, you are his mother and only you knows whats best for him. She is probably only saying these things because she loves the baby. Unfortunately, its not appreciated by us. Hang in there, thats what I'm doing, and know that there is a light at the end of tunnel. You wont be there forever. Also, its nice to know someone in the same situation as me and if you ever need a shoulder, you can e-mail me

Answer 2

Your husbands mother is very controlling and you are not going to be able to change that no matter what you do. Unfortunately, you can not stay there under tho;se conditions.Either your husband is able to talk to his mom or you will have to find a place. It may not be the most desirable place, but it will be your place. I had the same situation happen where I moved in with my husbands parents and we almost divorsed over it. I told my husband at one point we need to get out even if we live in a shack. I meant it. We ended up living in a mobile home for a few years. I know you are probably saying a mobile home she must be trailer trash. I can assure you I am not trailer trash. I know own a nice three bedroom ranch, in a real nice neighborhood. My mother in law was the same way everything had to be her way even down to the way we put the toilet paper on the roll. I could not live like this. I say do what ever you can even if it means being on public assistance or not living in the best place. You will be glad you did. I know it is hard but it will get better. Good luck.

Answer 3

I think your husband not you unless you have a strong relationship with your in-law should just talk to her. Tell her yall are the parents she is the grandparent. Parents discipline and say what goes, etc. Grandparents gives advice or tell their grandchild yea baby you can have whatever you want in the kitchen stuff like that. Tell her that isn't fair to blackmail even if you weren't paying any rent. You must do this in the nicest way. If you feel like its going to be a problem or she isn't the person you can talk to just deal with it you'll find your own place its not like you'll be there forever. Please don't take this as disrespecting your in law I was just telling you the place I think a parent and grandparent should be. Goodluck

Answer 4

Does the town you live in offer low income housing? It my be a drag but could prove to be most helpful short term. Is this woman the kind of person you can have an adult conversation with? If so tell her how you feel and make sure your husband will back you up and not leave you hangin'. No amount of help is worth having your parenting questioned and the insane stress you're under. Best of luck!

Answer 5

How does your husband feel about this? If the two of you agree, then he needs to speak to his mother. She needs to get the message that the two of you do NOT want to be homeless, but you, together, will choose that option if she does not recognize you as the parents of the child. This is a boundary issue that WILL NOT go away if it isn't dealt with right now.

Again... it's important that the two of you agree on what your options are and how the situation will be dealt with. If your husband is not completely in agreement, this could cause a huge rift in your relationship. This is, after all, his mother. If you're not in complete agreement, then you should deal with it as graciously as possible, and move out as soon as possible.. and as far away as possible.

Answer 6

Well, you are in a poor situation. BUT, it is the ONLY place you have at this time. Can you go to your mom's house? Would that be better?

Regardless, she shouldn't be able to tell you how to raise your child. It is up to your husband to talk to her. You stay out of it.
If you are paying your way and doing the things you say you are, she has even less to say about it. She must be very controlling.

Get out of there before it affects your marriage.

Answer 7

You find a places soon... because she threaten to kick you out.. that just wrong.. It her son kid and it they grand kid.. She little nuts.. You can do it her way.. There a saying.. They way we are raise up by our parents is going to be different when we raise our own kid... Because you have your own way to raise your baby.. and learn things from you.. And if your husband works then you should go look for places to live... You can always find low income housing.. to rent... She being in unreasoned to you or to how you raise your baby.. Every grandparents or grandma disagree on how they grand kids to be raise.. Explain to her..... She can help out but let you raise your own kid.. You do not wanted your baby to think that grandma is mother and you are the sister... And you do not wanted baby to be too attar ch to they grandma because the kid would listen to you and would listen to they grandparents... Can you talk to her and explain to her.... If she doesn't understand they tell her you move out if she doesn't do your way..... And baby doesn't need a lot of stuff.. Just clothing,bed and food and diapers.. and few toys.. SO you should try raise your own baby with the help of your mother-in-law but she need to understand... your the mother...

Answer 8

Wow, what a tough situation. Unfortunately, in my experience, most people don't change. You should probably keep looking for a new place. The alternative would be to call her out, and if you do that it sounds like she may blow sky high! It doesn't sound like a healthy place for you and and your husband to be raising your child. It would be challenging enough to live w/a considerate in-law, let alone a "difficult" mother-in-law like her.

Answer 9

You have to put you"re foot down i know it is hard and was almost in the same situation. but you have to let her know that before you're child is her grand child and before you're husband is the father you are THE MOTHER. and it is you who decides she did not do a 100% job either let her know you appreciate her concern for the little one and if you want her opinion on something you will ask.but you have it under control.
she fills her self worth by being this way. people and times change.so it doesn't mean you are wrong stop felling guilty and stand up for you re self. she might be hurt but she will get over it. stay polite

Answer 10

Your husbands mom is extremely controlling and you're no longer likely to be waiting to alter that no remember what you do. regrettably, you won't be able to stay there under tho;se situations.the two your husband is able to talk to his mom or you will could desire to locate a place. it could't be the main properly user-friendly place, even nevertheless it fairly is going to likely be your place. I had the comparable difficulty happen the place I moved in with my husbands mum and dad and we exceedingly much divorsed over it. I informed my husband at one factor we could desire to get out in spite of if we live in a shack. I meant it. We ended up residing in a cellular domicile for some years. i be responsive to you're in all hazard asserting a cellular domicile she could desire to be trailer trash. i will assure you i'm no longer trailer trash. i be responsive to very own a marvelous 3 mattress room ranch, in a real marvelous community. My mom in regulation replaced into the comparable way each and everything had to be her way even right down to the way we placed the lavatory paper on the roll. i could no longer stay like this. I say do what ever you may additionally if it skill being on public advice or no longer residing interior the appropriate place. you would be happy you probably did. i be responsive to it rather is stressful even nevertheless it gets greater advantageous. good success.