I don't want anything to do with my mom or family?

Question

After 44 years, I'm tired of the games and manipulation. I have tried to be a good sister, daughter, but they all play games and leave me feeling frustrated and taken advantage of. I've decided that my own family, husband and children are more important than obsessing on how I can "fit in" to my other family. Am I wrong? This sucks because I've been feeling so bad about it. So much like going through a mourning period as if they all died, but I feel it's the best thing to do. My mom lives 7 doors down from me and has never made an attempt to visit me or get to know her new grandson who is now 7 months old. I dont understand her. I don't want to anymore. Am I taking the right approach?

To answer one of you, I did move away. I moved out of state and my mom followed me. She bought a house 7 doors down. She thought I was the one who would take care of her and all the stupid things she does. There are six of us children, and she chose me to follow. When I showed her my family came first, she started dissing on my and my family to the other siblings. Now I am being treated as if I've done something wrong, but what I did was stop rescuing her from all the stupid things she does with her finances, health, etc. She is evil, manipulative and a pain in the ***.

Answer 1

You have a right to be happy. Your husband and children depend on it, too. I learned (the hard way) that not all parents are loving and supportive. There comes a point when you have to decide what is best for you and your family. You do not have to tolerate abuse just because the person dishing it out happens to be a blood relative. Do what is best for you. Good luck!

Answer 2

You're not wrong. Sometimes in life you have to just do what feels right and even if most people wont approve of your choice- you are within every right to cut them off.
You should not be giving more than others around you and being taken for granted.
To live 7 doors down from you and not take an interest into probably the most important thing in your life is not showing effort that she cares. You dont need that in your life.
You are beginning a new chapter in your life and the ppl most important to you will be your children. Just find satisfaction in knowing that you were the best daughter and sister that you could be and at the same time.. they didnt do their job. She didnt try to be the best mother that she could be... You are not wrong at all.
Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

You can't help the way you feel, even if that's not the way they feel. There are certain family members that have what I call, "the power of negative thinking". I go out of my way to avoid these family members. Life is hard enough, you don't need people in your life who drag you down. If it means not having anything to do with them, then so be it. Cut out all "game players", and people who manipulate you. Do it for your own sanity. It won't be easy at first, but in the long run, you'll be happy you did, trust me. If you just can't cut these people off, limit your conversations with them. The minute they get negative, excuse yourself from the room or off the phone. After awhile, they might get your drift. Like Ann Landers says, " Nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them".

Answer 4

Oh Honey I understand where you are coming from. Don't feel so bad about yourself. If your family is like that you don't owe them a thing. I feel the same way. Sometimes I want to move a thousand miles away from mine. Even if you love them there comes a time when you have to take care of yourself and your own family.Life is to short girl. I say 'Don't worry be happy' Thats what I have decided to do.

Answer 5

Be sure you kow what you want before you do or say anything you can't take back. Family is family, we all got some screwed up members, and we don't always all get along, agree, or see eye to eye, but usually, when we nee them the most, they'll be there, imperfections & all. Can you talk to them? Explain how you feel? maybe give then a chance to see things from your perspective? Then, decide what's best,ok? Good lluck... ;-)

Answer 6

I'm 32. I don't talk to any of them! My mother, brother, sister....aunts, uncles. They are impossible and make me crazy. They make no sense and in some cases are downright dangerous. Sorry, I would never CHOSE to have these people in my life. It's been 12 years. Sometimes I think of them, but most of the time - especially when I hear what pathetic lives they have, or that they've gone to jail or that they haven't changed a bit - I am happy with my choice. My kids come first. Who wants a bunch of crazy people around their kids? Not me.

Answer 7

I'm 52 and haven't seen my Mom and Dad for 5 months since my dads surgery and we live one hour away and they are controlling and manipulate their grown kids into feeling sorry for them and try to put them on a guilt trip. Last time i visited to try and help with my dad as we were all taking turns, there are 5 of us kids, all are grown and with families of their own. He had gotten out of the hospital and I remember the situation and he was not very nice but just because he's OLD and had surgery doesn't give him the right to treat his kids like scum with his mean words so I'm staying away also even though I want to see my Mom who is in a wheelchair and doesn't drive because of her condition but she takes sides with him and he's her care giver and its a big stupid mess so I stay away. If my Dad doesn't bury his stupid pride and apoligize then I may never see him alive again and thats sooo sad and my Mom is caught in the middle but hey thats LIFE, right????? My sister was involved also and I was trying to help but it all blew up in my face so she doesn't talk to me anymore and we use to be real close until this surgery crap and my Dad's big mouth so hey I can relate to ya. Hang in there, there's got to be a good ending in both our situations.

Answer 8

You need to really think about this, we all have or have had drama in our lives with siblings and parents.Don't alienate your parents whatever you do, especially mom, when the time comes and mom or dad is gone, you will truly regret not trying to somehow work things out with them.I myself was the caretaker of my mom and dad, I was married and it did put a lot of pressure on my own life, but when my father died in 1994 I had no regrets that I did not spend time or do things differently with him, because I did. When my mother died in 2002 the same thing. I also went thru 5 years of my husband being very ill and losing him in 2004. Count your blessings that you have the drama, when it is gone life sure is lonely.

Answer 9

Stick to your guns!! You are doing the right thing! It is their loss you just take care of your family and strive to be a better mother than she is. One day they will realize what they are missing out on and hopefully that wont be until it is too late. If they do want to have something to do with you dont shut them out. Be the bigger person and forgive. Familys can be petty and for what who knows. Worry about your family for now and hopefully one day they will come around!!

Answer 10

It is such a shame we can't pick out parents! Your mom sounds like she has some MAJOR issues....who wouldn't want to see their grandchild???? Especially 7 doors down! I think moving away and putting literal & physical distance between you will be good for you and your family. Too many marriages break up because of things like this - the strain is emotionally unbearable.