I have been married for 3 years now and I have no desire to be with my wife. I don't like her trying to run my life. she fills up my days off with outings and appointments and all I want to do is hang out with our children at home. She is very controling and throws tantrums if she does not get her way. I love her but she turns me off her everytime she throws a tantrum. I don't even wn't to make love because she is so childish. Any answers
2007-03-03 14:27:01 · 24 answers · asked by surfer_parr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WOW sounds like myself good luck sucker
2007-03-03 15:25:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a problem, because you have a very controlling and manipulating wife. She probably saw that with her own parents relationship so that is probably the only way she knows how to communicate. Try to talk with her calmly and tell her that you don't appreciate being ordered around like you are a servant and that you feel she is trying to control every aspect of your life. If she gives you a hard time, then suggest that you both go for marriage counseling because you feel that your marriage is in trouble. If she gives you a hard time, then you must discuss with her the thought of possible legal separation. I feel you love your children very much and this is what is holding you there, because you probably would be gone by now, but there has to be a solution to this..she cannot get her way all the time. See what you can do..I wish you well.
2007-03-03 22:42:41 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O.K. Let me understand here. You wife runs your life, she fills your days off with all of these duties, she is controlling and throws tantrums and she is childish. There's your answer. These are the reasons you no longer wants to be with her. Now do you have a solution? You have to stand up as a man and let her know you are not her child. On your days off, tell her you will not be running back and forth for appointments and duties for you want to spend time with the children and her. I do suggest you all talk about this issue though and/or seek marriage counseling. This is not fair to you nor your kids that she behaves this way. Be honest with her and tell her that you will no longer accept her behavior nor her bossing you around. Let her know if she wants this marriage to work, it takes two and you all need to be and act like husband and wife.
2007-03-03 22:43:42 · answer #3 · answered by stergre1975 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her. tell her that you need to control you're own days off (weird that she does this????) outings and appointments are subjects for discussion, not things that you should have to be told to do. You could always reverse the "roles" and start setting up your own appointments and letting her know that you are otherwise busy and you will join her later in the day. Make appointments for her and for the kids and for the family that have nothing to do with the things that "NEED TO BE DONE", have fun, enjoy your time with everyone. I say stay away from a counselor. This person may just introduce your wife to nine million problems that she has with her mother that will transfer to something that you have done wrong and is somehow your fault. Talk to your wife, don't yell back at her, just talk. If she throws a tantrum? Throw her off by hugging her and see where that may go...it may help her grow up...
2007-03-03 22:40:51 · answer #4 · answered by jennifer p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey i think that you are going through a very hard time where you have to chose between your children and your wife. It is very impossible to choose it s do what my wife wants me to do to please her or is it that I spend time with my kids? This is a decision that she should never make you have to choose. Going through a relationship further more for a marriage with someone that is controlling, doesn't have any sense of compromise and throws around their anger is hard! I could never do it. She needs to be able to pipe down an little because she is pushing you away no matter how much you love her there are times you feel as though you really hate her. There is a very thin line between love and hate so don't feel guilty as you are feeling now. Because of how you feel towards her and you think at some times that you don't think that you could go on like this you wouldn't want to make love to that person. It is unfair to subject yourself to this and its time that you stand up to her no matter how angry she gets and say no.Put down your foot for once and show her who is the man of the house!
Marriage is a partnership not lord and master or cat and dog. You are to plan together and reach an agreement too on things instead because I said so this is what is going to happen no one is more decision maker than the other. You have to show her that you have and is entitled to your own opinions. The way that I see your relationship working out for you is there has to be some changes made. You need to put your foot down and stop spoiling your wife to pieces in such a way that she controls you and manipulates your entire movement.
Then she ha to come to an understanding and has to become more selfless and recognize that its all a give and take. As I said a partnership is needed in your marriage.
2007-03-03 22:57:50 · answer #5 · answered by *Pretty In Pink* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, we could start a support group. I've been married almost 3 years and have no desire to be with my husband. For me it's that I hate that it seems like I'm taking care of 2 children instead of just the one we have. I have to do everything to make sure the house is in order, the bills are paid, the kid is fed, healthy, happy, the pets are taken care of, taxes are filed, oil is changed. Did you know this about her before you got married? I thought he was someone who would take charge of more things, and I truly expected him to grow up after having a child. His priorities are still his friends, his video games, his pot. Yes, he works (so do I), he's a great dad, he does love me, but it's not an equal relationship. I don't want to make love to him either, that whole feeling of wanting him sexually went away somewhere and I don't know if I'll ever find it. Try talking to her. I'm not saying that will work, but then at least you can make up your mind about whether you want to live with that all your life or start over. Sorry I don't have a happier answer.
2007-03-03 22:37:36 · answer #6 · answered by 1978girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough question. There are a number of things you need to assess in order for you to achieve any happiness about your decisions you will make about this issue.
The first is How much do you love your children and do you really love your wife?
Can you live without your wife?
If your wife was in trouble, how would you feel?
If you would get extremely upset if anything happen to your wife then you are probably in love with her.
If that is the case then you need to start focusing on what you love about her.
What does she do that makes you happy. Start writing a journal about what you appreciated about your wife today.
If you start thinking that you don't want to be with her, you won't, you will leave eventually. What about the kids?
You however cannot stay with her just because of the kids. They will see your fustration and this is not good for their development.
Start doing little things for her that will assist her in seeing that you do love her. Run a Bath for her with 20 candles. Make her a great dinner or if you cannot cook, order something from a fancy restaurant and heat it up have dinner under candle lite and wine and start to communicate in a non-accusing manner.
You need to warm her up to start to understand that you are a person with feelings and emotions too. Don't blame her for anything, if necessary use reverse-psychology in blaming yourself. You know that it is not true within yourself, but it can have some advantages in helping her see your point of view.
I wish you all the best, I would not like to be where you are, but remember you are the author of your life and only you can make your own happiness or harmony. Be loving, caring and gentle with her. You don't want to create any fustrations for yourself or her.
2007-03-03 22:50:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whew....sounds like.....marriage!!! Keeping a marriage vibrant and alive is hard with the pressures of parenting and just getting by. She's probably just as frustrated and confused as you are. Why not try putting some quality quiet time alone to tlak and romance each other. And, counselling isn't a bad idea. Marriage is not easy and the rewards of sticking it out and working thru problems are great.
2007-03-03 23:02:07 · answer #8 · answered by BOOBABY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you answered your own question. I am pretty sure your wife didn't become controlling over night. Have you all tried talking about her behavior? If not, I suggest you two take time and talk because speaking as a woman she is probably not happy with you either and takes her frustration out on you by yelling and screaming. If talking about her behavior doesn't work, seek marriage counseling.
2007-03-03 22:36:00 · answer #9 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Laura Scheslinger. Get the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage," too.
She sounds very spoiled. Sorry.
2007-03-03 22:35:18 · answer #10 · answered by marianne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BE the man and tell her how u feel...maybe u should throw a tantrum..lol... just to show her how it feels..if shes running ur life now it will only get worse....
2007-03-03 23:05:45 · answer #11 · answered by gina B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋