Help I need a miracle or my marriage is over plz help me?

Question

Ok so here is the story. I married my high school sweet heart, we dated about 6 yrs. We steaidly grew apart while dating but got engaged at a very young age 19 to be exact. We got married at 22.he ddin't want to get married he wanted to wait or even break up.but considering out situtaion w/ family and how much I loved him at that time he stayed in it and went through with the marriage. Before we got married we fought argued and were totally not meant to be together yet we got married for family sake. I love him and will always love him and initailly after we got married in would say things like he HATES ME even though he was with me dating me for 6 yrs. He felt he was to young missed out on alot which I agree with him on. Now we fight so much but at the same time love each other unconditionally.but we fight so much its unbearable sometimes and constantly think if we should get a divorce or not. We don't have sex once in a month or 2-3 months. We've been to therapy, what do we do

He now does tell me he loves me and we do have a good personal realtionship but we argue a lotttttt. We are so different but its almost like we can't live with each other and can't live apart. We are Two different ppl stuck in a relationship we both want to work but it just doesn't. Its hard for us to get out of it that easy because to much family is involved especially from the cultural background we come from. We are TWO good ppl who have grown a lot now and see that this was a bad decision on both of our ends.. He feels he should of had the guts and ended this before we got married. and I feel I should of seen this coming but at 19 u are goign crazy to be in loev be married married at 21-22 is crazy. What is left of this marriage to salvage? IS there any hope for us.......We love each other but are almost start crossed HELP

The therapist basically told him that how can u hate someone just because they LOVE YOU. He didn't have much to say but there is a lot of resentment that is being worked out now but its just a crazy situation

The therapist basically told him that how can u hate someone just because they LOVE YOU. He didn't have much to say but there is a lot of resentment that is being worked out now but its just a crazy situation

We dont have a baby Im not even pregnant

Answer 1

Sounds like you have out grown each other, sounds like you out grew each other before you were married. If you feel you have tried everything to fix the marriage and nothing has worked. It may be time for a separation. I'm sorry to say, but there is nothing worse than to be in a loveless relationship. It may be time to move on.

Answer 2

Love is so easy but yet, complicated. Truth is, I dont know what love is.

If he said that he hates you, but again he does love you, then the problem happens only on and off, "the arguements".
He probably hates you when you two argue.

You two argue a lot. That is the big problem in the relationship.
Each of you have to learn to give at something.
If it's not too serious, or if it won't create a very bad consequences, one must let the other win that arguement and ends it.

But if the arguement is something very serious, like, he think its okay to do something, but you beleive it could cause him or the family some harm, proof it to him.
Find some facts. Show examples.
You cant just say, I'm "right" without something to back up.

Lastly, try not to point out whose fault it is.
That is the short cut to disaster.

What ever happened, is history. It'd already happened. It's no use pointing finger or blame each other. You just cant undo it.
Instead, talk clamly about it. Try to figure out how not to make it happen again.

Answer 3

You should never have married, screw what the family said or whatever, if he didn't want to do it then he shouldn't have, You said that you agree that you "were young and missed out on thing" what did you miss out on? I got married at 24 and while yes it was later then you I WISH that I would have met him when I was young and never dated the creeps and losers I did date. I know many couples that are high school sweethearts and got married. He wasn't ready and while no you didn't force him he shouldn't have. Maybe it will work with a counselor being there but I wouldn't bet on it. Personally you said that you weren't meant to be together so you shouldn't have married him, it is best to get out of the situation and meet someone who will treat you like you should be treated and not just because you have been with them for a long time. You have even said that you shouldn't have, and if you believed that you shouldn't have and now you need to get out and live by yourself. There are men that will treat you better, he is young and stupid and if he really truly loved you he would NEVER say that he hated you. That is not okay to say. sorry hun, good luck

Answer 4

He is carrying something in his subconcious mind n also u dont hve a baby{this is a negative point}Its not correct that thinking for both towards loving each other is same. Accept the reality. Use ur judgement before it is too late. Id he wants divorece as himclearly. He must open up rtherwise the things will continue n u will become old. Stop questioning him{if are} The negative point that u dont or doesnt hve the urge for:S:. I can not understand. Further if u hve any questions .pl ask

Answer 5

First of all, dont get pregnant! I personally don't believe in divorce for myself (though I don't care if other people want to), because I've seen so many people get divorced, then turn around and marry the same kind of person. Marriage is like school, it educates you. You don't say how old you are now, but if you want to get out, DONT get pregnant (or you will be together for life, like it or not), try to think of what would make YOU happy. This kind of relationship has to be hard on you. Try to make yourself as happy as possible, without involving him. It will be good for you, and it may be good for your relationship. Just a thought.

Answer 6

i married my high school sweet heart too.........12 years after high school. We both were married and divorced and found each other later in life, Do you think you or he missed out in knowing what it is to be with someone else, maybe you should sew your wild oats and if he ends up with you at the end of your life it was meant to be. But i would not take too much time to make a decision, life is really short, My wife and i keep saying we should have stayed together along time ago, i bet we would have been in the same position you are in today...................we were lucky.............are you?

Answer 7

Wow.....That's some story! In my opinion, you guys are still young. Y'all love each other, but don't confuse it with being,"In Love". Because it sounds like, you guys care deeply for one another, and don't want to hurt the family, because it's a big deal to them, but then again, what's gonna became of you guys, if y'all keep this going? Get a divorce on good terms, make the family understand, and do this for your sake. Don't let this became a bigger problem in the future, if y'all don't take care of this. You will end up hating one another. Save it, while you can and still remains as friend. Good luck.

Answer 8

As much as I hate to say it, if things are that bad and therapy didn't help then you need to go your sepearte ways. Living with someone who says the hate you and such is not good for you mentally or emotionally. The constant stress and fighting will take its toll and destroy any quality of life. If you part there is a chance the two of you can reamin friends. It sounds like you know it is over you simply do not want to let go. It is hard, but you will find having a life not filled with anger and fighting will be much better. You owe it to yourself, and if you truly love him as you state then you may need to let him go so he can be happy.

Answer 9

The only possible way that this marriage could work out is if you both AGREE to work on yourselves and change some old habits...This could be the beginning of an amazing adventure for the two of you if you both become dedicated to change and making things work. The growth that you will involve yourself in to make the both of you happy will only be beautiful!! Learn more about the mirror theory...

Answer 10

well my advice is to stop looking at the could have been the past and start looking at the future look at what you both can acomplish together unstead of what you dident accomplish apart i married at 16 quit school and had my first child at 20 so no you are not to young and you can make this work if you both pull together you can acomplish alot in your life time , no more fighting , work on your marriage bed and it will start comeing to gether you need to make him feel like he is your king and that you want him , not just need him , and the same with him he has to want you not just need you so sexy up and get the jump start on this relationship you can do this