im not blind i can see you
im not deaf i can hear you
i can even feel you
within me i found you
endless whisper in my heart
that i didnt bothered to listen to
now screaming out loud
deafening me inside
the pain i ignore seems no cure at all,
the lies i told now hurting me to numb,
why i must pretend?
how long ill be fake?
how long i can conceal?
questions i need to break
how i wish i didn't met you
how i wish i didn't saw you
my life must be better
if i didn't fell in love with you
2007-03-03 12:47:34 · 14 answers · asked by kawaiicutie c 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
thank you
you know what i did a lot of poems but i don't show it to anyone i did this from my heart you know it feels great that you guys appreciate it
2007-03-03 12:58:26 · update #1
i grew up in philippines so and wer accustom to english language thats why im a bit shy to show this there might be gramatical errors like you said no methapors
2007-03-03 13:02:44 · update #2
There's a severe lack of metaphors.
2007-03-03 12:52:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is good; and yes the last four stanzas....
how i wish i didn't MEET you
how i wish i didn't SEE you
my life must be better
if i didn't FALL in love with you
At least it is original. Keep up the good work....
2007-03-03 20:53:21 · answer #2 · answered by deevoonay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The concept of the poem is good. Its just the tenses used. Maybe u can look it over and see where the wrong tense are used.
2007-03-03 21:02:42 · answer #3 · answered by spice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but I don't think it's awful. the construction wasn't that creative and one thing more, the thought was already been exploited. I've heard of that a lot of times before.
2007-03-03 21:27:59 · answer #4 · answered by hitherto 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good, really good. I don't really enjoy reading poems, they can go to deep, and a little confusing. This poem was interesting and made you think. Yeah, I liked it.
2007-03-03 21:29:22 · answer #5 · answered by Girls M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not bad just miss used couple of words but not bad at all
I'm going to school atUNM and my writing would say it OK
2007-03-03 21:02:07 · answer #6 · answered by BONEs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very sublime. One is moved to ask, is this other entity you, or another person? I think it's quite good.
2007-03-03 20:51:57 · answer #7 · answered by knight2001us 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a manipulative question...Do you think this is awful?...you are practically simpering for praise...you are an 'EMO' aren't you?
YEAH...no metaphors either.
2007-03-03 20:56:08 · answer #8 · answered by ... 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No i don't I think is deep and thoughtful I like it
2007-03-03 20:50:53 · answer #9 · answered by nylatinanurse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course not.
it's a pretty cool poem.
2007-03-03 20:51:17 · answer #10 · answered by watnowgurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋