My ex and I hate each other at the moment, I hate him because he cheated on me and abused me, he hates me because I did not treat him nicely towards the end. Will we ever stop hating and become civil to each other one day? We were out first loves and there was a connection there once, I hope that one day in the future that we could be friends, and I know that right now it is not possible...
2007-03-03 12:47:04 · 18 answers · asked by Jasmina 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's very possible honey and the sooner you stop hating each other the better. It's actually easier than you think. "Hate" is a very strong word...but it's a word used all to often. You don't hate this man, nor does he hate you. You want to, but you can't or you wouldn't want to maintain a friendship with him later on down the road. Someone you truly hate doesn't get that type of emotion. You don't care about that person, you don't think about that person, etc. What you are feeling now is betrayal, hurt and anger....but not hate. Which is a good thing, because this can be fixed....either with a simple phone call or a heartfelt letter. Start off by apologizing for your behavior, explain that you were deeply hurt by his actions and you reacted the wrong way. Tell him, although you know things are over, that you don't want to bitter and would rather chalk this up as a learning experience. You are both young, there's alot to be learned by what happened. Sure it hurt, but you survived, it has made you a stronger person and you are the one chosing to carry this anger around. Don't....let it go honey, you'll be so much better off knowing that you made your peace, have accepted what happened for what it was and were able to move on that much wiser.
And I understand that phone call may take all the courage in the world to make, but considering the alternative.....what is the worst that is going to come of it? He's either still going to be mad....OR he'll realize it's not worth being angry at you too and agree to be civil. There is already enough anger in the world and our intolerance keeps it going....don't pass it on.
2007-03-03 13:03:29 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, my ex cheated on me and I hated him for a while but it has been a few years and there is no more anger towards him. I think that you have to go through the stages of emotions before the hate dissolves but it will and eventually you should be able to get to the point that you cherish what you had but realize you are in a better place without him... The best revenge is to be hapy.. I dont know that you will be friends but who knows it might happen.
2007-03-03 13:31:41 · answer #2 · answered by luckygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with all these people. I think forgiving is a sign of weakness. Does he deserve your friendship when he treated you like dirt? He should have thought of that before he abused you and cheated. Who cares how he feels about you now. He deserves to be alone regardless if you were once "sweethearts". Things change. And so do feelings. Move on and tell him to leave you alone. How can you be "friends" with someone life that anyway?!!! If it were your daughter in this situation, would you want her to? Don't be Hillary.
2007-03-03 13:51:05 · answer #3 · answered by noitall 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet in any situation like this is to forgive. You may never forget what happened but forgiving will make it easier on you. To hold a grudge and hate forever makes it impossible to let go of the past. You just need to tell yourself that what happened, happened there is nothing that you can do to change the past but the future is completely up to you. Even if he never gets over it, that will be his problem but at least you can look forward to living a grudge free, hate free life.
2007-03-03 13:35:01 · answer #4 · answered by nonohank 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for over 20 years when my wife left me. She found someone with a bigger bank account and had been cheating on me for several years before she left. She didn't think I knew about it and was even shagging this guy while we were in "reconciliation" counseling. She ruined my credit, caused me to have to leave my profession (pastor) and kept me from seeing my kids with false accusations of child abuse. I know I wasn't the perfect husband, but I wasn't the anti-christ she made me out to be. We were high school sweet-hearts and got married right out of high school. It's been seven years since she left and while I wouldn't consider us to be friends, the hate is not there anymore, so give it time.
2007-03-03 13:02:15 · answer #5 · answered by Deus Luminarium 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
right now u have a healing process to deal with, u don't really hate him your disappointed in the way he treated u. just leave it alone right now, being friends with a man who cheated and hurt u may not be possible. only time will tell. frankly the last person i would ever want to be friends again with would be a cheating ex.
2007-03-03 13:10:37 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best not to hope for friendship. There will always be that hurtful past between you. Why would you want to be actual friends with someone who hurt you that way? Yes, you can find forgiveness inside you with some time if you allow yourself to. Just keep in mind that forgiveness is for ourselves and our own inner peace and is not particularly something we have to share with the person(s) we choose to forgive. Friendship is not particularly a part of forgiveness. It's more about acceptance and understanding and self respect. Just give yourself plenty of time and space to heal. Reflect, learn your own lessons, and better yourself as a result of them.
2007-03-03 13:19:11 · answer #7 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything is possible my ex and i are civil to each other but we always were because we had 2 kids and we didn't well i didn't want them to be exposed to all the fighting and carrying on altho my ex talked chit about me to them which he shouldn't have but i guess he just had to be the one who acted up i just didn't let it bother me because of the kids, i just told them he had no business talking chit but life goes on i know i sure did.. All the pain will soon be behind you, but you have to try to get along in order for you to be civil toward one another.
2007-03-03 13:09:55 · answer #8 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember: when you hate someone you let them live in your brain rent free.
Time will cool the feelings and you may be able to act with civility. I am not sure you would want to be friends but at least you might learn to not be enemies.
2007-03-03 13:46:54 · answer #9 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is hate you two are feeling.Could be hurt emotions that you are mistaking for hate.You both have been hurt by each other.And hurt feelings can bring out anger and hatred feelings.
Once you two get your new lives together,you will be able to put it all behind you and be friends.
2007-03-03 13:11:33 · answer #10 · answered by ladybug 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋