Why is it????

Question

The more you love a woman and the better you treat her the worse she treats you. My wife says she loves me but doesnt show it actions speak right. Is this ever going to change or should i get out now.

Answer 1

The one thing I need to ask you......was she this way before you married her? If she was, then why did you marry her if you want to change her into something you want her to be now. If she has changed, then you have a problem....we all need affection in our lives....we all need to know we are loved.....its nice to walk down the street and your partner touches you intimately...or hold your hand or pulls you aside just to give you a kiss....those are wonderful moments and if you arent getting any of that, then I certainly would be trying to sort it out with your wife. Just tell her you need her to be a bit more demonstrative with her love...tell her that her telling you she loves you isnt enough. If she loves you, she will want to work on that problem to make you happy. Counselling does help....maybe theres a reason why she cant show love....counselling will help sort that out. If you love her, then give her an opportunity to want to change herself. If she doesnt see there is anything wrong and is not prepared to give you what you need, then it wont change. It is only when she admits there is a problem that a solution can be found.....talk to her....ask her is she prepared to find a solution. She has to understand that your needs are important too and its your job to explain this to her...make her understand how much her lack of love is affecting you.

There are two people in this relationship....two equal human beings....no-one should hold the reigns in any relationship and if her needs are being met and yours arent, then your relationship is lop-sided......balance it up, talk to her and make it clear that your needs are not being met.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

LOL

OMG. Now you sound like my husband. I am going to tell you it may be true that actions speak, they speak ALOT, but it depends on what actions you are expecting her to speak. Are her actions forbidden as far as marriage is concerned? Has she cheated on you? Does she put you down? Or is it more along the lines of 'she doesn't say I love you enough.' She doesn't tell you how handsome you are, she seems withdrawn at times or doesn't seem to give you enough attention.

My husband has always treated me with respect and love, when he stands near me he is always touching me - so much so that at times I have to admit it gets ANNOYING. We have had arguments in the past where he said he is always very good to me, yet I push him away and he feels as though I don't really want him around... blah blah blah.

Not that I didn't take him seriously, we've had a few whopper arguments over this issue - BUT - he IS my husband, and I DO love him - and I believe that during any and all of the arguments we had regarding this issue the thought of 'getting out now' was never an option for him.

Unfortunately, in this day and age marriage does not mean what it used to. Do you remember saying "for better or for worse?" There's a reason they make us say that, because at times there is more WORSE than there is good.

Thankfully, my husband and I resolved our issues. But I have to tell you honestly, that if you have it somewhere in the back of your mind that if she doesn't change you have the option to 'get out now' then your marriage isn't going to work no matter what because you're not putting your whole heart into it. If you love her, and you meant what you said on your wedding day then you will stick by her through all of the worse times, and be thankful for the good that you have. Continue to do that and eventually everything will be alright.

Answer 3

Just because you are in that situation, doesn't mean that every marriage is that way. I am tired of hearing men and women being clumped into these ridiculous categories. Why are all men cheaters...Why do all women.... I am married, I love my husband very much, he loves me, we do not cheat, we do not lie, we have sex all the time. All men and all woman are different, some are bad some are good. Try counselling. Actions do speak louder than words, have you told her how you feel? Did you go into marriage thinking it would change, if she was like this before you married, she probably won't change.

Answer 4

I am afraid, you sound a bit demanding "the more you love a woman, the worse she treats you". You know, you can't demand love - it's "give and take", that's how it works. It's important not to invade the personal space of your partner too. You say your wife does not show love - well, perhaps, you need to tell her how you feel and what you need out of your relationship. Just be open about it.

Answer 5

Some people just don't know how to show love. Seems to me when I was younger that one spouse always loved deeper then the other. Now that I am older, I think it is in the personality. I am real out going and have an upbeat lovey personality, my husband is a man of few words or emotions and use to be ever so quite.
He learned in therapy what I needed. Get her in therapy~~Jill.
Good luck & God bless you both~~~Married 54 yrs. & happy.

Answer 6

Your statement applies to some women...not all. When I'm in a relationship and the guy is attentive and treating me special...I am very aware of that, appreciate it show my appreciation right back towards him. It begins to be a very warm and loving circle of attentiveness flowing flowing back and forth.

Your wife...she sounds to have a low emotional intelligence level. That level of awareness can be raised...clear conversation and counseling. If it's still not there after that...that's when decisions have to me made. Been there...done that...only it was reversed.

Answer 7

Sit down and have a serious talk with her. Maybe she doesnt know that she is treating you badly or maybe she has a lot of other pressures right now--kids, job, family, etc.... There's always counseling too. Try to save your marrige, esp if you have kids. It's hard on kids to have parents who are unhappy. Good luck. ALso, try treating her with extra kindness and appreciation. Maybe she is feeling unappreciated for all she does for you and the family.

Answer 8

Unless the relationship is abusive, I see no reason for going through a divorce.

Why does she treat you worse? Could be insecurity. Trying to see if you will love her "no matter what" If it gets too bad you might want to consider counseling

Answer 9

Ooooh! You have touched upon one of the great mysteries of relationships. "He/She doesn't know I'm alive even though I dote over him/her every waking moment."

It all boils down to the fact (in her mind) that she has you wrapped around her little finger. After all, you go out of your way to please her and yet, she doesn't need to reciprocate. Some of the more crass people would call this being "p.....y whipped".

I can't offer any suggestions how to rectify your problem because I always called it quits when she showed this kind of attitude.

n the other hand, I can't advise to "get out now" because that would be admitting defeat of your marriage. Somehow you should expend every effort (counseling?) to keep your marriage together before taking such extreme measures.

Good luck, my friend!

Answer 10

I don't know how long you've been married, but if you believe her that she loves you, then you need to sit down and have a conversation with her and let her know that she is going to have to start showing it more so you can feel it. If she wants it to change she will, if not, only you can decide when it's time to throw in the towel.