A single red rose rests upon a grand piano, reveling in its own delicate beauty. The room contains no walls; its boundaries are limitless. A rich, midnight black is presents throughout the atmosphere. Though the room exists boundless, the rose possesses a divine aura, which blossoms in the eyes of many. It signifies a vast number of things… A petal dropped for Loneliness… A petal shed for Hope… A petal given for Romance… A petal kept for Solitude… Yet, somewhere, amidst all of its meanings, lays a hushed heavenly elegance.
http://www.acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_TN/0018-0505-0907-5444_TN.jpg
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Please give me an honest critique. Yes, I realize the rose is classic and may seem to you overused.. Put that aside and pretend the rose is still meaningful to you if you feel this way. The paragraph is meant to describe and evoke a feeling about the essence of the photgraph...
Please be honest in what you think.. I appreciate details.. Thank you!!
2007-03-03 12:34:11 · 6 answers · asked by Kiara 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Just a note:
This is by no means meant to be poetry in any way, shape or form. It's not a poem.. It's just... A paragraph to evoke emotion, I suppose ;)
2007-03-03 13:19:26 · update #1
On the contrary...
Because I am such a fan of Rilke, I believe the rose is one thing that can never become cliche. Some people take a rose and turn it into total crap, through bad writing... But you have NOT done that here.
This was very nice to read, very easy to want to continue to read and although it does need tweeking, (because it actually shows how hard you were trying in it,) it strained a bit, as you wrote it, and poetry should never do that, unless that is what it is written about to begin with... (Get what I mean?)
Anyway... I don't like many new writers, I am a bit of a snob to the classics and don't really tend to take new writers all that seriously.
This I like and with some work and some fine tuning, some age perhaps? You could be a good writer!
Some things are just too amazing to ever become cliche.
Not to mention I have some red roses on my piano right now... You gave them a nice sound for me to listen to, as I looked at them.
Don't worry about the "boundaries are limitless..." either Only someone who reads metaphysical poetry would understand that... I understood it perfectly well.
Thanks for sharing.
2007-03-03 13:03:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Parts of it are quite beautiful. You used very colorful descriptions that evoke the images you are going for. The only thing I found confusing was the room with no walls; essentially when you say "boundaries are limitless", you're kind of saying there's no limit to the boundaries! Amidst the details about the rose (and the petals are quite nice!) the room issues just seem to cloud the rest.
2007-03-03 12:46:12 · answer #2 · answered by faithfulmg4 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The beauty of the rose moves us all to poetic speculation. The rose has power.
2007-03-03 12:41:35 · answer #3 · answered by Wrath Warbone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Veerrry nice imagery. I felt like I was there.
One of my own writings:
More roses -
They’ll scent her room in such a sigh,
The melancholy of her day will disappear,
She’ll have more roses than Guinevere.
2007-03-03 12:41:55 · answer #4 · answered by that_guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't seem to flow easily but appears to be a bit forced. The idea you're trying to convey is understandable but your style and technique need to be worked on.
2007-03-03 14:51:36 · answer #5 · answered by Bethany 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds more like a poem to me.
2007-03-03 14:28:01 · answer #6 · answered by Sun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋