Men...Why do many (not all) become less attentive after awhile in a relationship ?

Question

I realize that the two in the relationship become more comfortable and at ease after awhile...Yet, why after several months or years do many (not all) guys seem to have the " I've acquired her...she's not going anywhere...so now I can be less romantic, less attentive, not seeking her out so much, neglectful . . ." Why is that? Don't you guys know that is a common complaint of woman.

Of course, the initial newness does wear off...but to not treat her as a treasure anymore...Don't understand this.

And...yes, she should always treat you as a treasure also...Yet...keeping to just this topic...Why do many men fade in the attentiveness department.?

In all fairness...I've asked a simular question to women.
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"Righteous Dude" . . . Your second to last sentence about how she appears to other males was very interesting and insightful. Appreciate the awareness and it's something to think about...Thanks.
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" Elder " . . . Very much appreciating yours and others answers. In my opinion...a man who is Confidently Vunerable is a man of confidence and strength...I don't see that trait as him being ' soft ' as you phrased it.

Answer 1

You answered your own question. Just like women, men get comfortable in their relationship and let the effort slide. Usually and unfortunately all too often they don't realize this until it's too late to fix it. Women's lack off attention/affection is also a common ground complaint among men. Being a man, and just getting out of a lonnnnggg relationship... I was the only one still actively trying to keep the affection up and after a while when it was never returned, she didn't work with me to fix it, or even try I filed for a divorce and got it. Most guys also tend to be so sooped up on their own testosterone and 'machoness' that after they have wooed and captured in a long term setting said 'female', they get their 'Tarzan' mentality going and feel they no longer should have to try to woo their mates. Why this is so, I don't know. I wasn't raised like that and I've never felt that way. Personally I feel like if I want my relationship to last I have to do my part to make that happen. I'm also secure enough in my own masculinity I don't care what other people think. Point is, my girlfriend is always happy and smiling with me. When she's happy, you're happy. If you want to stay happy, keep her happy. As the male in the relationship it is your job to keep her happy. If she's happy nine times out of ten she will keep you happy. Anyway. That's all from me.
Jazz

Answer 2

Yeah good point. I agree that men should be more attentive and romantic and all that. Over time a marriage for a man falls into the comfortable zone and in the traditional sense, that also means responsibilities--providing, protecting and planning. At this stage men tend to think they are doing enough to show love by providing and protecting. It is also a socially constricted sense of manliness to be less expressive and less emotional. This offers some stability to the wife and children in knowing their husband and father will not panic and have a heart attack over every small problem. That mental and emotional stabilty kind of produce a posture of not being sissy and not been very expressive. Having said that, I agree with you that men should always show how much they love and appreciate their wives. I wonder however, how many women will contnue to respect a 'soft' man. I have had women complain that their husband is not man enough because he panics. Stability and less emotiveness are both part of the baggage

Answer 3

That may be true regarding the answers women gave you. But in my experience, women tend to lose that special desire that acquired the man in the first place. For instance, I find a woman who captivated my attention with looks, charm, wit, understanding and for what can be said for lack of a better word, comfort. After awhile, the woman will subtly change thier look because of what I presume is the age factor. There's less makeup or more, hair is no longer the striking color and style, and the energy that beheld my attention is less. The comfort is there of course, only now the man gets comfortable, knowing that the less she is pretty to other males, the less of a treasure she will be to get. There are ways to maintain that excitement of course.

Answer 4

First of all you should not be treating anyone like a treasure or a princess or anything other than what they are....a potential partner for life.

Guys do not work so hard to get your attention after a while because real life sets in and the day to day living begins. That's when the real love starts. Not the fake flowers and butterflies in your stomach crap.

Answer 5

Don't kid yourself, relationships that last, are because the two people in it, worked hard to keep it fresh.
Sure it's easy at first, it's all new and exciting, but the novelty soon wears off. And that is true for most things.
Couples just get into a rut, usually because, they have work, family, getting in the way.
Are you as the woman, doing all you can to keep everything fresh, or just relying on him. It's as much your job to excite him as it is his job to do it for you.
You may have to sit down and talk, and see why it's not fresh.
I'm sure he will love that. NOT.
There is also much to be said, for a steady, good relationship, where you both respect each other, and love each other.
It may not be exciting, but it is steady and secure, and lasting.

Answer 6

You know what I feel that same way. I often ask my self that. I mean my boyfriend is very sweet still but its not the same as it was before when he barely have you. They always run after you and chase you but now its like they dont care cus they got you already and there's no excitement. But I think guys are just like that because they love challenge and once they acomplish their mission there's nomore challenge in it. But when you leave them they realize how much you mean to them. And then again when you get back together...its gonna be the same thing after couple of months or weeks.

Answer 7

being romantic all the time is exausting. but to solve the problem just tell him that u feel that he's losing interest.