How do you get past abortion in the event of rape?

Question

I Was raped when I was 14 years old. I got pregnant as a result. I am 21 years old now but still feel as though I made a terrible decission by having the abortion. I had the abortion mainly to protect myself from having to tell everyone what happened to me. To this day only a few people know that I was raped and that I had an abortion because of it, my family not being any of the ones that know. I have just know really began to start punishing myself for this in ways that I never thought I would. Now I have more problems than I would even care to think about. I know that I was to young to care for a child, but now that I am older I realize that there were more options. But I took the easy way out as some would say, by protecting myself from further humiliation, because I was a virgin when this happened to me. I didnt want to have to talk about it. I really dont think it was an easy way out because now I have to deal with killing an unborn child. Please reply with helpful suggestions.

Answer 1

sweety please dont blame yourself for this awful thing that happend to you. My husband and i recently had a talk about abortions and stuff and the only time i feel an abortion is even necessary is if something like this happens. you were 14 at the time there was no way you could face something like this i mean as mean as it is for me to say but i feel as though you done the right thing. Its hard enough on you that you have to deal with knowing everyday that you were raped and the creep who did it to you stoll something from you that he shouldnt have but why should you ever have to even start dealing with because of this creep you killed a child no you didnt kill a child sweety you were barely a child yourself. And no it wasnt an "easy" way out cause no matter what you are still dealing with something that happend that day and if you had your child with you just imagine you would have to look at the child and know everyday that you suffered for a beautiful baby like that one. I think you did the right thing and i want you to think that you did the right thing it wasnt your only choice but it was a choice you made and you shouldnt regret doing it. I truly hope this helps you out a little

Answer 2

You have most of it already sorted out , but the wrong way. You see now as an adult that there were other options , think now how it was for a frightened 14 year old . You made choices then that you as a child yourself considered the best for you.

I find it a bit surprising that a 14 y/o could get an abortion without the parents finding out.

Give yourself a break by accepting that although it could have been handled differently, you did what seemed right at the time, and forgive yourself for it.

If you are a regular at church talking to your priest may help you. If not a counsellor at a womans health clinic who does rape counselling.

Answer 3

I can not even imagine what was going through your mind & how you were feeling. You were young, and scared, ashamed exc, I'd speculate. Maybe you just wanted to forget about the whole thing, pretend that it never happened, the pregnancy was torturously tied to the rape & rapist. YOu wanted to get rid of the whole experience which included the pregnancy. You didn't know our options, you were probably in a panic! You didn't know that you should or could think before terminating. YOu were young scared, & desperate. I'm sure you couldn't face your family at that tiem, so mayn feelings exc. I would say tell them, but I don't know, I mean would they be understanding? It may help to tell your parents, if you don't think thats the right route then talk to a consulor atleast. Your carrying around all these feelings & regrets & seem to have no outlet.You may now just be realizing your decison & what it meant. Thats porbably not uncommon, you probably blocked it out of your mind, though it was always there. You lost your child, even though it wasn't born, it was a part of you, you have a right to mourn, greive, yell & cry. Under these circumstances you can not blame yourself!! Plus, the people may have even pushed you into teh decison, but maybe not. It doesn't matter. But you have to move on, maybe you fear moving on becuase you don't want to loose the memory or I don't know! Greive, be angry, but you have to get over it whether you like it or not. Don't punish yourself!! Whatever way you are doing that STOP NOW!!! Release your angrer, resentment, fear, everything. Sorry if this didn't help becuase I just guessed. But this is just my opinion. I truely wish you the very best of luck & healing! Best Wishes, Carly.

Answer 4

I think you should join a rape survivor group. In a group of women who have had like experiences, no one will judge you. And the ones that had an abortion for the same or similar reason will give you a good shoulder to cry on, and a sense of understanding.

Your family knows what happened, which sounds like they supported and helped you make up your mind. You made a decision that you were able to understand and live with at the time. You didn't know all the options, that's okay. If we all had all the options at the appropriate time, no one would be able to move forward.

If this happened to you now, you would handle it differently. You were 14, you made a tough decision. You would make a tough decision if was now, maybe a different outcome, but a tough decision, none the less. And 7 years from now, you would be second guessing yourself.

Don't let the pro-lifers in here, guilt you into anything. Go to a survivors group and share your experience. It's not doing you any good to keep this bottled up.

Answer 5

The hell with the person who said that you should have thought about that before you did it! They have no idea how difficult and humilating and painful it was to be in your shoes. You didn't make a mistake, you went through a HORRIBLE trama and you dealt with it the best you could.....you were 14 years old!!!! You had enough to cope with. And also remember hind sight is 20/20. You are looking at the situation a 14 year old young girl had through a 21 year old woman's eyes. That isn't fair at all. Don't be so hard on yourself and maybe try to talk to a professional about this. Good luck.

Answer 6

You didn't take the easy way out. You did what you felt like you had to do back then. Don't be so hard on yourself, you were a very young girl and probably felt scared and alone. I think however it would be best for you to talk to someone professional about all your feelings. There are rape support groups out there as well that might help you, remember that you are not alone and this has happened to thousands of women. Please reach out to a professional to help you work out your feelings, good luck.

Answer 7

I'm sorry you had to go through this experience. I have never been raped nor will I ever have an abortion so I am afraid I can not offer much advice. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? They are not there to judge and will listen with an open mind. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

I was 20 yr old when it happened to me and i made the same choice as you. i am now 39. I went through some therapy & counseling but my peace of mind came when after years of praying and learning to forgive myself for the poor choice that i made. Know that if God can forgive you, it is okay for you to forgive yourself without punishment. God has thrown your past transgression into the sea of forgetfulness and so should you. I suggest that you seek professional counseling for this because as you stated you were a child trying to make adult decision & was not fully equipped with more educated information for your situation.

My God Bless & Strengthen you.

Answer 9

First of all, if you were raped, the resulting pregnancy was in no way your fault. Second, your decision to get an abortion, based on your situation and your level of maturity, was probably a wise one. You don't need to feel any guilt about your choice if you view an embryo as a non-viable organism with only the potential to become a human being. People get too wrapped up in emotional projection when they think of embryos from the moment of conception as full human beings. They're not. I'm a firm supporter of the "pro-choice" movement, especially when there's a rape involved, because it makes the most sense. There should be no guilt involved in your case. In my view, you didn't kill a human being, you simply stopped the growth of an embryo. There is a big difference.

Answer 10

Although I'm against abortion, even in the case of rape, you were only 14 years old and didn't know any better. I hope you get counseling to help you deal with all the pain you've been through.