I am married to my 2nd husband. I have 2 teenage boys from my first marriage and a 2 1/2 year old from this marriage. When I was pregnant my parents put an apartment in their house for me my husband and new baby, We figured the two other kids could stay where they were in my parents side of the house. This way we can all be together. Well here's the problem............Hubby has a fit when my kids come over. He feels they live over there and we live over here. They usually come knocking at my door to ask me a question or if they need me for something. I don't see a problem with it. Hubby has tantrums. Every time we go out he swears they are going to come in when we are not home. Is this normal? Am I wrong for protecting my kids and not wanting to abandon them? I feel I am their Mother and they have every right to come to me when they need me. They aren't even allowed to sit and watch TV with me or even eat dinner with us. This causes alot of fights with me and my parents. Input please??
2007-03-03 09:30:40 · 18 answers · asked by Buffy39 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband has resentment towards them. He wants your devoted attention. I know it's hard, but your boys are your family too. When he's not upset you need to appoach him gently about it and plan ways that you can spend time with htem alone or as a family.
Is it possible that your husband suffers from depression or anxiety? You may want to look up the symptoms and approach him about seeking medical treatment.
I know this from experience. I have a stepson and I felt that he was an intrusion on my married life. I didn't want to feel that way. I regret it very much and I have told him so. We have a good relationship now, but it's taken a lot of heartache to get here and treatment early on may have helped me.
2007-03-03 09:43:28 · answer #1 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well no offense or anything but you and your husband and all the children should be living somewhere different! You should have your two boys with you no matter what and your husband should support you and the two boys as a father figure not some jealous freak. There are more problems to come and the boys should have every right to be there, it is too bad that the apartment isn't big enough for them as well. You are kinda' singleing them out of this new life of your and pushing them off on your paretns, they are your responsibility and your husband knew you had them before you two were married. You should move at once and take the boys with you when you go. That is your family not your parnets - you, your kids (all of them) and your husband - how would he react to this type of normal living situation the way it should be? Doesn't sound like he'd do too well.
2007-03-03 09:56:05 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Husband is wrong. You are and always will be your Sons Mother, and your husband is trying to alienate you from them. Put your foot down now. If he is trying to come between you and your Boys who very much need you now then his A** needs to hit the Curb. Your parents are right to be upset about this. If your husband was any kind of a man, he would want ALL of you together as a family. He sounds very controlling and selfish. You would be better off without him. And if you allow him to treat your sons so badly, then you are Not a good Mom either. Stand up for your kids, Mom...
2007-03-03 09:45:42 · answer #3 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to accept your other kids as well, you are their mother too and if your husband can't accept that then he didn't really love you in the first place. Your kids should be able to come and go freely in your home where-ever you live and your husband shouldn't have a problem with it unless they've gave him reason not to trust them. Put him to the test and ask him if he's willing to get a place of your own, away from your parents and see what he says, if he says no, then you need to ditch the loser!
2007-03-03 09:43:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to grow up. Tantrums are for 2 yr olds. You are their mother, and you were when he wanted to marry you. Does he just expect you to ignore your own children? You both need to find out why he is so insecure about his place in the family. Not allow him to have dinner with you? Is he for real? Personally, I'd boot him to the curb. You'll still have your place at your parents so you won't have too many worries. You don't need a 4th child.
2007-03-07 05:56:12 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't wrong. It seems from what I've read that you and your new husband didn't discuss his role with your children and and your life together as a family. He is obvious not interested in your children and would prefer that they were raised by their grandparents. This is not possible, as you said you are their mother and it is your responsibility. It may be time to take a stand and see if your husband is up to the challenge of raising your children with you. If not, you may have to rethink the whole situation. He cannot banish them from your life and you cannot allow a new entity I wish you the best of luck.
2007-03-03 09:47:57 · answer #6 · answered by Diane T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband is a wingnut. he married you and knew you had other kids, but now he decides to be mad about it? the fact it's a house with separate apartment might be messing with the way he's thinking- those kids have every right to enter your space, you're their mother. suggest to him that you all go live together somewhere else than with your parents, he's got to change his way of thinking because those 2 kids are part of your family. get family counseling for him before he really hurts their feelings.
2007-03-03 09:35:50 · answer #7 · answered by Danielle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is acting like a baby.
Telling him that, though, unfortunately won't help.
At the core of this is that your husband is afraid of something. And to cover up that fear, he's "acting out."
It sounds like you're both in your corners, ready to come out fighting. I'd suggest counseling. Your husband is jealous of your kids. But that jealousy is based on something that he didn't get as a child. If he's willing to try to look at this, a professional would help.
If he's not willing to work this out, I honestly believe your first allegiance must be to your teenagers.
Good luck!!
2007-03-03 09:44:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong...your children have the right to come to you anytime they need you. You need to talk to your husband about this and you need to tell him that you did not hide those children from him before you married him and then after the marriage say oh by the way I have some children..He needs to grow up. Let me tell you I found from my own experience those kids will be there when he is LONG GONE!!!
2007-03-03 09:43:59 · answer #9 · answered by halfpint22 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your husband is way out of line and of course your kids should come first. Apparently he has some jealousy issues that he needs to work through, I would tell him to grow up and be a man or shut the hell up and quit being such a baby. I'd kick his stupid *** out, these are your kids and they should be eating dinner with you and just be able to sit and watch TV with you whenever they want.
2007-03-03 10:08:33 · answer #10 · answered by Kristal E 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋