i'm never good enough??? PLEASE answer?

Question

I'm 13 (almost 14) i'm in 9th grade right now. I've always been a good student, cuz I really do try at school, not like some people. The problem is, that even when I bring home straight A's it's never good enough for my parents. They're really strict about grades, and in my house an A- is considered the equivilant of a D or something. I'm taking Accelerated Geometry, biology, Spanish 3 and a few other 10th grade classes. They're harder, and in geometry I'm getting like a B. my parents have been wicked mad about it. I'm afraid to tell them my grades or even when we have a test, because I'm afraid I'll do bad on it and then I'll be in a lot of trouble. because they get mad when I get and A or A- instead of A+. I'm doing it for them. If i don't tell them, then they're more happy. But the pressure makes me work harder so i do worse bcuz i overwork, and theni work harder. i don't know what to do or what to say to them but it's messing up my whole life. please, help?

Answer 1

It sounds to me that you are gifted and that you are doing the best that you can so, I am going to write this to your parents let them see this letter:
Dear parents:
It looks like your kid is trying to do the best he/she can. You don't need to push any further. Lighten up! Your child says "I'm doing it for them". Sometimes parents try to relive their life through their children. That never works. You will lose the relationship you have with your child if you don't cut him/her some slack. I know you want your child to do well. But he/she is! What more do you want. Grow up yourselves! Stop demeaning your child if he/she makes mistakes--that's part of life. Anyway, enough of my rambling--put your arms around your child and tell him/her how much you love him/her instead of criticizing all the time. If you don't you'll lose your child in the long run. Signed. Cybermom

Answer 2

Yup, you live in Massachusetts (I can tell because you said "wicked" mad). The land of the over-achievers.

You have my sympathy. Just tell your parents you are doing the best you can (and do try to do your best). Then ignore the fall-out and the upset from your parents if you get a B (as long as you truly are doing your best, within reason--I mean, don't stay up all night or study 2 weeks in advance, etc., just be reasonable about your effort.)

Do you have a relative you can confide in and tell them the stress you feel--at the tender age of 13! Perhaps the relative can talk to your parents about it.

Anyway you look at it, your parents want to brag about your achievements, and they can't if you are getting A- instead of A+. Where you live, parents brag a lot about their kids, and your parents want to be able to get in on that. Also, great grades mean you can get accepted to a great college, and of course your parents want that for you. And it doesn't hurt that they can also brag about that.

Just do your reasonable best. Tell your parents that is the best you can do, you won't work ridiculous hours just so they can brag. Gee, I feel bad telling you to tell your parents that. Unfortunately, that is what is going on, and your well-being is getting a little lost in the shuffle. Perhaps a counselor can talk to your parents. Where you live, the counselors see this all the time. The most important thing here is, DO NOT GET DISCOURAGED. You are actually doing quite well. Kids in Japan who get this kind of pressure from the family have been known to kill themselves. Never get to that point. You are doing fine and are a credit to your family. You may have to tell your parents what you have said here, and if you have already told them, but they are too caught up in the "brag about your kid" scene, you may have to get another adult to help you make them see reason. The most important thing is not to be upset if your parents stay upset about anything less than an A. You know you are doing your best, colleges really won't care about an A+ or an A-, or even a rare B, and the colleges also want you to be well-rounded, not just a person who gets straight As and does nothing else. You have a hard time with the overly ambitious parents you have, and you are absolutely not the only kid with this kind of problem. Let's see what ideas the other answerers can give you. Just remember, it is your parent's over-ambition that is fueling their emphasis on grades, and if you do your best, then do not let their frustration or any other emotional reaction affect you (much). Just steadily do your best and try to ignore their reactioin if they don't like the results. This is very good training for being a lawyer in a courtroom or teacher or other occupation where you have to deal with other people's negative reactions to you. Persevere, do your best, and don't worry about your parents's disappointment. You know, I wonder how well THEY did in school. Hmmm, that might be interesting to investigate! Perhaps they are trying to live through you, in the sense that they didn't do that well themselves, so they want you to do it for them.

Best luck, sweetie and hang in their and don't take it personally, your parents are just a little crazy right now because they want to be able to brag about you. They mean well, they just don't see the effect it is having on you!

Answer 3

They think that because you can take 10th grade classes, it means that you will do as well in those classes as in 9th grade classes. When they get mad, tell them that you are doing the best that you can and that is the grade that you are getting; you can't do any better than that so perhaps the problem is that you should be taking a lower level class, such as one that is for the 9th grade (not unreasonable since you are in 9th grade already!) Tell them that you would certainly do extremely well in an easier class so if they are going to be that upset, maybe you should guarantee success by taking 9th grade subjects.
I don't think they are going to want to listen but try it anyway. They're hooked on the prideful feeling that their child is advanced. But at some point, everyone reaches a limit. They are not going to have an easy time of it when they realize that you reach your limit in a subject.

Answer 4

Let me try to help you. I'm a dad who tried to get his kids to do well, but only two of them even tried.
Here's why I bet your parents are so hard on you, #1 it's not you, ok
their probably worried about the rest of your life. The better grades the better college, the better college the better job, the better job the better life and so on.
Their just seeing further down the road than your looking, and are trying to keep you from hitting some potholes in the road of life.
I would have loved it if my kids had brought home your grades, So as long as your doing the absolute best you can, deep down inside. You may have to let them blow off some steam about it, just know their doing outta love

Hope this helps, holler if ya need me

Answer 5

That type of pressure should not be on a child .I can't stand when parents do that.I know they want the best for you but i feel like you are being robbed of your childhood.Sit down with them and tell them how you feel.And let them know that you feel that you will never be able to met their standards because of how they are.There aren't many kids as gifted as you are.I know I'm not your parents but i am very proud of you so keep up the good work

Answer 6

Maybe you should sit down with your parents and tell them how you are feeling. Let them know that you love to please them by getting good grades, but you can't do it anymore cause you're overworked. Maybe you should stick to classes that are for your grade level. When you take classes that are above what you should be doing, it gets harder and it will just build up on you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

i have the same problem just explain to them how lucky they r to have a daughter that actually tries in school and doesn't go out and get pregnant or something parents are harsh because they care but u have to explain 2 them that u really are trying. then maybe they will see your view! good luck!

Answer 8

I don't mean to be insensitive but unless you want to live like this for the rest of your life you have to tell them to back off. I know it'll be hard but do what's good for you. Eventually you'll have to start a career and if you want to go to college they don't care if it was spanish 3 that you were failing.. not that you are it's just an example, but that you were doing poorly. take classess that are going to put fourth to your career.

Answer 9

What do you mean straight A's are not good enough for your parents. Tell them that you will not have that and that they should be proud to have a daughter like you. Dont even listen to them and keep doing what you're good at.

Answer 10

U should do it for urself..........and tell them a B's good enough and most people are idiots and get C's and D's