Is my marriage worth saving at this point?

Question

My husband had an affair with an employee, he is not admitting to it but I know. He has told me he wants out of the marriage, but I feel he at least owes me counseling. Could he be in love with the other woman?I believe their affair has come to an end at this point but I know he cares about her. He told me he loves me but is not in-love with me

Answer 1

A marriage is always worth saving, but you can't always save it. Both partners have to want it, and it sounds like he's pretty sure he wants out. He does owe you counseling, or at least some sort of attempt to save the marriage, but it doesn't mean you're going to get it. If he honestly wants out, no amount of counseling is going to fix it.
BTW, I think the whole "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" line is BS. Marriage is NOT all about roses and champagne and warm fuzzy feelings. It's about compromise, respect, trust, HARD WORK and companionship. Without those things, there is no marriage. And most people think being in love is all about the fun, excitement, etc. (early parts of a relationship), so when reality sets in, they walk. Hey, there are PLENTY of days that I'm not "in love" with my husband. But I love him, and I'm here to stay, and we have a good marriage, so I deal with them. This is where the whole "for better or worse" part of the vows come in.

Answer 2

I would say no, you shouldn't try to save it, he has made his decision, he may love & care about her but that doesn't mean she cares about him, but he told you that he's not in love with you anymore and thats all that matters. You could never trust him again for starters, and even if the relationship with this other woman is over and he said he wanted to be with you, you would always wonder if he really wanted you or was he just with you cause he couldn't have the other woman. I don't know how long you've been married, but it sounds like he's made it clear how he feels. You deserve someone who Loves you unconditionally and will not sneak around behind your back and lie to you. I wish you the best of luck for the future!

Answer 3

If you're still in love with him and want him despite the cheating, then you should keep pushing for couples counseling. I don't think you should give up on a marriage unless ALL options have been exhausted or if you both don't love each other anymore. Keep trying. Pray on it. And remember, he is your husband. Fight for what is yours if you still want it. Rebuilding a marriage is a joint effort. Just realize that once you try if it doesn't work out, feel satisfied that you tried.

Answer 4

You could try the counseling but he has to be open to the idea as it will take both of you to work on your marriage or it wont help that much. Since he says he loves you but isn't in love with you I think he cares about you but wants some excitement in his life. You don't say whether or not there are children involved but that is another issue. Another idea since he loves you but isn't in love with you - if you want to work on saving your marriage - make him fall in love with you all over again. Do little unexpected things. Put some romance back in your relationship. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I think its time to let him go. Why stay with someone who did this to u? He betrayed your trust and chances are, u will never regain complete trust again....regardless of counceling. I am not saying people cant change, but there are other factors involved here besides just the infidelity. He claims he is no longer in love with u. No matter how much therapy the two of you seek, he appears to be pretty set on his decision.
You cant make someone stay where they dont want to be. You cannot force him to seek counceling nor does he owe u this. It will only make him bitter towards u. He wants out, and as hard as that is, you have no choice but to let him go.
You deserve someone who can give u what you need in your life. Someone who will respect you and not be unfaithful.
Let hubby go. I bet in time he will see that the grass isnt so green on the other side. They generally do.
And in the meantime, u keep your dignity and dont beg anything from him or expect anything from him. Just let his sorry @$$ go.
He betrayed u in the worst possible way, and to me, any person who will do that is weak.
Find you a strong man, and live your life without doubt. U deserve better.
Good luck hun. So sorry to be so forthright. But, i think u already know all this deep down. Much luck for a bright future.

Answer 6

Marriage is always worth saving. There is always hope. I don't know how you feel about this, but God can change hearts. I would pray for him and seek marital counseling. It's sad that your husband thinks love is just a feeling.

Answer 7

No answer we give you will be a happy one for you.
If your husband has said that he is no longer in love with you
do you really want to keep him "at all costs".
It is so very hard to let go but remember that you are
special and there is someone - somewhere - sometime that
will love you with all their heart and it's best to start over.
No one can make themselves love someone passionately if
the feeling is "gone". Counseling may help but ask yourself
honestly - Will you ever really trust him again? Can you go
on knowing that it might happen again? Will you always be
suspicious and looking for signs ? Don't do this to yourself.
There is no point in life in spending it with someone you can
no longer trust.

Answer 8

If he's not in love with you and he's having relationships outside marriage, you are not worth saving to him. Lose him and be glad you did.

Answer 9

Im sorry but youre not serious are you? Your husband had an affair. Says he wants out. Loves you but not IN love with you. Do you need a neon sign?? Im not trying to be rude, I guess its just easier to see things on the outside. No sweetie, move on. You will be so much happier without the creep. Find someone that can see that youre a person that believes in commitments and is a woman of her word. You are special and your husband is a dummy.....and might be a carrier of STD's. Ewww.

Answer 10

He doesn't owe you counseling, unless you believe that there is something to save. Are you through with him? Is he through with you? If so, why go to counseling?

If he told you that he is not "in" love with you, then, he's done. He still respects ("loves") you and it sounds like he's trying to get out of the relationship and still leave you with some of that respect.

I hope there are no children involved. How sad that your marriage is over.