I found out that my husband reminds me of the way my mom used to relate to me in my childhood:). Don't get me wrong - he is a good man, but I can't not see that he is as much controlling, criticising and unaffectionate. Is there a way to "break the spell"?!?
2007-03-03 09:01:39 · 9 answers · asked by Alyssa Macey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My first husband was alot like my dad. My dad was a controlling person and got mad about the least little thing. I had always said that I never wanted to marry anyone like my dad but I did. About all that I ever knew was my dad and mom not getting along and my dad would control all of us. It was the only thing that I ever knew. I stayed married to a man for a lot of years who abused me and my children and I did get out finally. I was not going to stay married for life and be miserable. I am now married again and the man that I am now married to does not control me. I finally have a life of my own.
2007-03-03 09:33:01 · answer #1 · answered by Nancy M. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I realized recently that it's true - I married my father. Scary in some ways, but comforting in others. I didn't realize in the beginning how similar my husband was to my father. But, as the years go by, it's harder and harder to ignore. I'll ask them both a question, and get almost the same exact answer, their personalities are very similar.
I've heard it said that we look for a mate that reminds us of the parent we had a less successful relationship with, because subconsciously we are trying to recreate the relationship and do it "right" this time, or fix whatever problems were there.
As long as you love him, the rest doesn't really matter.
I'm not sure what you mean by is there a way to break the spell, though.
2007-03-03 09:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by ~StepfordWife~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it is very uncomfortable to come to realize, almost all of us "married" a member of our own family. I married my grandmother because she was a strong female role model in my family and my own mother wasn't. I didn't realize it until 20 years into my marriage. It made me feel very weird at the time and to be honest, this is the first place that I have ever even revealed it. But, it happens to just about everyone, I've come to find out.
You probably married your husband because unconsciously there were many character traits that you liked about him and they happened to be some of those that your mother has. Unfortunately, he also has some of the same correspondingly negative characteristics of your mother that you don't like.
My revelation changed the way that I felt about my wife. It helped me understand why she bothered me so much in certain ways, but I also feel now a distance from her. Don't get me wrong, either - she's a good woman and I love her, but there were a lot of things that I didn't like about my grandmother because she could be very critical and controling, as well.
I hope you can work through it all. I wouldn't call it a "spell", and over time, I'm sure that you will come to see that a marriage relationship includes a wide range of emotions, contradictions, and conflicts as well as love, respect, tolerance and understanding. The current "spell" will just become one of the dynamics in your life that you can put on the shelf as a "curiosity".
2007-03-03 09:29:47 · answer #3 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him. That's not the most flattering thing to be compared to your mother in law. He just doesn't see it. If he refuses to see it then again tell him that you will not put up with it. You're an adult and expect to be treated like one. If he can't accept that, then leaving may wake him up.
2007-03-07 05:49:24 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no my mother was wonderful she was nothing like my abusive husband my mom died year's ago from cancer i was 18 when she went to be with the lord im 58 now
2007-03-03 09:09:45 · answer #5 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think we do attract the mates who have the same characteristic as the parent we had unresolved problems with. like if our father was emotionally not there or controlling, think that is who we attract in life.
2007-03-03 09:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always keep in mind that it is human nature to assosiate people you know with other people you know. How was your relationship with your mother?
2007-03-03 09:05:56 · answer #7 · answered by creston_182 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you subconsciously find people like your parents.
2007-03-03 09:16:36 · answer #8 · answered by Tearful25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant change people....this is why making that "big step" should be carefully thought out before hand........( listen single people)......
2007-03-03 09:05:30 · answer #9 · answered by Emily 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋