Should i be worried about a fiance that cannot accept my being freinds with my exs?

Question

I have been freinds with alot of people for a long time and have recently become engaged to a great guy. About a weeke ago we got into a fight because i went and played pool with a few friends. One of which was my ex from the 9th grade, im 24 now and havent been in highschool for 6 years, havent dated the guy in 9yrs... Marc, the ex, has been with me as a freind and confidant the entire time through good and bad. My fiance in comparison is new to me, but they had graudated Highschool the year before me together. Any way My fiance got upset when his mom said i wasnt being proper and started a fight with me, posting a question on this site and expecting me not to be upset with him. Many of the replys he recieved were close minded and mean, calling me a cheater and a b***h amung other things. Should i stay with my fiance? Is it right for him to chose who i can befreinds with? I would never have a problem with his freinds, esp if he told me where and who he was with, even if it were an ex.

Answer 1

its a though situation, he doesnt have the rigght to tell you who your friends can be but you should definetly try to understand his point of view.....
I wouldnt be terribly happy if my girlfriend went to play pool with her ex either, but it all comes down to being able to talk about it and get over it.....
i dont think this is a problem worth leaving a fiance for as long as it can be talked about, but definetly try to actually think about it ,and really imagine how you would feel if one night he came back and told you that he went to play pool with some friends in which his ex, who is his friend and confidant more than you......., is included

Answer 2

If this were a more recent ex, or an ex you had been with as an adult, I'd be a little more sympathetic to his concerns. But this ex sounds more like a childhood friend to me - how close are you to him? Does your fiance' feel threatened by him in any way? Or was he just reacting to something his mom said?
I'm one of those who believes that a married woman (or man) has no business having close friends of the opposite sex. Acquaintances or shared friends? Not a problem. But I think there's always an underlying sexual tension in a male/female relationship, and if you're married or engaged, it's smarter to avoid the situation.
Is it possible that your fiance' knows a little too much about this guy for him to be comfortable with you hanging out with him? His feelings on the issue seem pretty strong - is this friendship more important than your future husband? If it is, you might want to rethink the engagement.

Answer 3

I would accept it. My husband is a very jealous person that that stuff upset him tooo much. I stopped talking to them and it really doesn't matter. They have moved on and our marriage is going great. If you love this guy you are going to have to make compromises and ex's are probably a good scarifice to make. Let me tell you why. When you guys get in a fight, you are gonna wanna talk to your male friends about it, someone who can see the other side of it when you can't. That is gonna cause more problems between you because you ran to your ex. Also some exs have caused problems in couples because of wanting the person back, you don't want them to develop feelings for you again and its just seems better that way.

Answer 4

i don't think this is any reason to break things off w/ the guy. obviously there's enough there to get engaged, so why lose it over something so trivial? on one hand, your fiance should understand that people can actually be just friends w/ no underlying issues. on the other hand, if you're gonna be hanging out w/ any dudes, esp an ex, you've gotta be prepared to disclose everything, be completely open about it.

Answer 5

Hey! He should feel lucky. My boyfriend
!. Cancelled our engagement because his ex wife cried
2. Let his ex wife do his taxes because he says she knows where
his money is going anyways
3. talks to her on the phone while we are away on vacation
4. invites her to all of his family gatherings even though she is not
the mother of the children
5. gives his ex wife personal information on my finances
6. pays his ex wifes cell phone bill and left her on his checking
for about 1 year after we started dating
7. keeps pictures of her on the wall like she is not gone yet
8 left me sitting waiting for our date for 1/2 hr while he went to
talk to her when she pulled up in front ot the grocery store.
9 Called his ex to tell her I survived a heart procedure before he
called my family to tell them I survived

It all depends on whether or not you have a romantic interest in your ex boyfriend and in some way are conveying it to your fiance. I doubt that your interested in someone that has been away for as long as your ex boyfriend has. Your fiance needs to take a chill pill.

Answer 6

I am happily married and there is no way I would choose my friends over my husband ... even when dating. He's the best person in the world to be with and there really is no one I've ever wanted to be with so much. He's Majestic! He's my Favorite! And I would never want to do anything to contribute to any insecurities he may have and he feels the same way about me.
And I am very grateful.

Answer 7

I get wat u are saying and I understand! But you got to see things from his point of view. You are still hanging on to your ex from 9th grade, hanging out with him, talking with him, etc. Your fiance has left behind his ex girlfriends. He probably feels that after nine years you shouldn't be still attatched to your ex. But since you are he probably feels that you guys had something special that he couldn't possibly compete with. Give him a break! Compromise. Let him know that he is your future and that marc is the past.

Answer 8

you are not in love with your fiance--no.
being in love, at the start--makes your other friends wonder where you are--did you fall off the planet?
when me and my hubby were at your stage--we would be on the phone for 4 hours, [and we werent high school kids] then drive and be together-
we simply could not get enough of one another--over the years we became more normal, for the flame to last long--it has to be very hot to begin with--you are going to make your fiance one miserable man if you don't cut it off now-of course he doesn't want to 'share' you with another man! your'e his love! obviously you don't feel for him the way you really should, let him find the girl for him and stop playing the *****, because sister, i am female and you know damn well you don't need the other guys.

Answer 9

He sounds insecure and controling. This could just be the beginning. Better think twice about marriage. I like men in general and have several guy friends. A boyfriend had better respect and trust that or he is history.

Answer 10

you cannot stop a person from their feelings about this or that.
they are the one who is in charge of his/her feelings. your guy doesnt want to accept anything of your past except what he wants to. you on the other hand know that leaving loyalty to past friendships in the past to the past will cause him immediate peace. he may find something else to cause him distress about you. that's part of his personality that he needs to deal with personally. he doesnt know how to have faith with you personally. he will push you away and do that to the next person.
he will learn that that energy is his constant pain. maybe he will learn to have faith or trust as he ages. at the present time he doesnt know how. you on the other hand have faith in him and trust the world in general. we do this to each other without being aware sometimes. tell him that you will lessen the time with old friends and make new ones that he is comfortable with as time goes on. he wants to remove your 'comfort' level of familiar people out of his own insecurities, not yours. youth has a way of making tranquility with one another more difficult. he may always be an insecure person. he's not budging on it now.... if you love him you will stay and deal with it or you may leave this love in your heart and move on. its your decision. peace