How do I get my boyfriend to allow me to have a life and let be work or go back to school?

Question

This is so hard to explain and I hope that I don justice to what I really need to say. I have recently found out that my boyfriend of four years doesn't want me to go back to school or work. I was in school until I had a complicated pregnancy with our second child he said that he was paying on my school loans and he hasn't. I just got a letter in the mail stating that. When I asked he said that at least this was a way that it insured me never returning to school. He said that I better get used to the idea that the only thing that I would amount to was somebody's mother. He won't renew the tags on my car so I can't drive to get a job and even if I was allowed to work he won't pay for child care. I can't leave him cause I have no where to go but I really want to be someone and do something. I do love him and he has reasons for what he does. I don't think that he realizes how much that I hate myself and I feel as if I got out of the house I would feel better about me. Help!

Answer 1

There is no reason to treat you the way that he is treating you. IF you continue to allow him to control you in this manner you will continue to lose the person that you are. You cannot allow this man to control you any longer. He has some serious insecurities if he is having to treat you this way. You do have a place to go....it is called a womans shelter. You need to go there even in you have to walk. You are allowing this man to ABUSE YOU!!!!! He does realize that what he is doing is cousing you to dislike yourself.....that is hwy he is doing it.....he is jealous, and does not want you to be successful. and especially anymore successful than he is. He only wants to control you......and that is not love.....If you are ever able to see what real love is.....you would know that you are trying to love someone that just is not going to ever treat you the way you deserve. And keeping you from bettering yourself, is wrong.

You have a strength within you...Your bf is only going to get worse and more controlling until you are absoutly dependant on him for everything....let me ask this....say if something terrible happens to your child, and he refuses to take you to the Dr. or hospital.....what are you going to do? Let you child die, because he said he is not taking you. do you wnat your child to grow up and live the life that you are having to live right now....if you ahve a son....do you wnat him to grow up and treat women the same way you are being treated? You really have no choices.....you need to leave for you and your child's own safety. You need to head to a womans shelter......and from there get in touch with your family so that they can come get you. And no.....when he says I'll change.....that is BS....he is not going to change....because you have allowed him to treat you this way and he is thinking that you will allow him to do again......and you leave when he is not there.....you don't tell him, because he will hurt you.......YOU ARE BEING ABUSED.....maybe not physically.....but emotionally and mentally you are being abused.

Answer 2

You have to realize that NO ONE should control you. Not even your husband. He's telling you that you'll never be anything but a mommy. He's not renewing the tags on your car so he can keep you prisoner, he won't pay for child care so you can fulfill your dreams. If this is love, I hope to never find it.
Love is supposed to be comprised of mutual respect. It doesn't sound like there's much of that going on here.
What could his reasons be for trying to control you?
My EX husband was afraid that if I got out in the real world, I might realize what a loser he was. He was afraid that an education might make me attractive to others. What he should have know was that I would have loved him if he had treated me and my dreams with respect. Now he's a very lonely 60 y.o. man and I'm an educated, happy woman with a wonderful man who helped me get through college. Good luck.

Answer 3

I get so angry when I hear the words "allow" and "let". I went through this same thing with my husband when he told me he didn't give me permission to get a job. I told him the last person I got permission from was my dad, and he sure didn't fit that role. He also had the idea that I was a nobody and would never amount to anything. I refused to be brought down to his level and I continued working, putting my kids through school, went on to become an investigator, have two college degrees, all of which I did on my own without his "permission" or help. We have no marriage now and haven't for years, and he keeps bringing up divorce to which I agree, but he won't leave, becasue he's still a nobody and he knows it, and he couldn't make it without someone to carry him.

You need to either stand up to him, and take control of your life back, or get out. Believe me, it would be much easier to get out because he'll keep trying to pull you down to his level. There are programs for you that can totally help you out. My daughter is divorced from a creep that tried the control thing, and she is actually able to get grants for school at no cost because of being a single mom. She also gets assistance with day care and food. Look into it. Don't lose your identy for a creep that only feels good when he can control someone. Your kids will learn to live the way they see life, and if you are subordinate to your husband, you kids will think that is the way life is and you will have dominant sons who think they have to have the control and you will have subordinate daughters who can't make their own decisions. Good luck.

I'm sorry, I've been thinking more about this and had to come back to it. You said he told you the only thing you would amount to was somebody's mother. Think about your kids. Don't you want the very best for them? Would you want to tell them their whole life that the only thing they would amount to is to be someone's mother/father? You love those kids and want them to achieve the best they can. Can your boyfriend say that? It doesn't sound like he loves you at all, and an answer previous to mine hit it right on the head -- it's abuse -- maybe not physical yet, but the verbal and emotional lead up to it. Once you think you're no one and think there is no help for you to get out, he'll have you where he wants you as far as control, and the physical will start. Please do you and your kids a favor and get out before it's too late for you. Life's too short to know what you can achieve and know you have someone holding you down. Good luck!!

Answer 4

Go out and find a job even if it means taking public transportation, walking or having someone take you. You have a degree so you much have some smarts to you. Don't sit there and be his puppet b/c he's insecure. You have a responsibility to not only yourself, but your children to make something out of yourself. There's child care assistance for when you get a job so you don't have to worry about him paying for it. You can leave him, it will just be hard at first but you can do it and have a great life for you and your kids.

Answer 5

I was married for 17 yrs. When my wife left she had nothing. She had no education and has had a rough time of it. I never wanted to get divorce and I know she never planned to. We had the money for her to go to school if she wanted. I don't think you're planning to divorce either but if something were to happen to your husband or if you ended up divorced you would have something to fall back on. You should have never quit school but YES go back and as soon as you can start a career. Good luck

Answer 6

Are you kidding??? That guy, I am sorry to say, sounds like a douche... He should be supporting you in what ever you decide to do with your life, so that the two of you could grow together. I really don't see the reasons he has to do those controlling things.

Answer 7

you're not any more incorrect in any respect, i does no longer be mushy w/ the priority if i become in it. you opt for to inform him that is its her or you. He of route has got here across you and been with you for a year and a 0.5, its time for the ex to get over her pettiness and its time for him to bypass on. solid success!!

Answer 8

He sounds like a domineering control freak. Get hold of your welfare department and get set up for help and to move out.

Answer 9

Your boyfriend is an immature, insecure, emotionally abusive selfish moron. Get away from him as fast as you can. Get yourself some legal advice and get away from this monster!

Answer 10

let you??? what possible reasons could he have that would justify these actions???i think he does realize how much you hate yourself and he's counting on you feeling just that way.