Why does sex have to be the number one priority to a man in his relationship?

Question

My husband and i have been married for 2 years now and together for 4. We have 2 amazing little boys who we both love dearly. But lately they boys, ages 2 and 5 months make me so exhausted and my husband doesn't understand. So it seems like whenever he wants to have sex i'm just too darn tired. It always starts a HUGE argument, which in the end always is said to be my fault, and I just feel like pretty soon if I don't give him sex when he wants it he will find it somewhere else. It's causing me to be really depressed and I found myself even contemplating leaving him before something happens or even suicide. I just dont understand why it has to be such a big deal if we don't have sex every day? Can anyone help me?

Answer 1

Ah, all the male bashing here is just a wonderful thing. I doubt if you're aware of just how many women are desperate for a husband like yours. And if you cut him off, one of those desperate women will take your man away; your sons will lose their dad. I imagine your husband doesn't want to go to work everyday, but he does it anyway, right? So why can't you suck it up too?

Something you might want to look into is therapy...you mention depression and suicide, you could have some medical problem causing it. But PLEASE don't listen to bitter skanks who are encouraging you to hate your man. Those kind of people are of no help; they just need to vent their frustrations of being undesirable.

Answer 2

I know how you feel...my soon to be hubby is the same way. We also have a 2 year old and a 10 month old, both boys...and they leave me exhausted! He doesn't seem to understand that I'm too tired to have sex! I don't think knows how much energy is involved in taking care of the boys. I don't know why its such a big part of men...it just is. My "hubby" is lucky if he gets it once a month...and that's on date night. You should develop some kind of system...like date night...that way he can look forward to that night and you & he know that's your intimate time with eachother with NO KIDS! Find someone to take the kids for the night...my kids usually go to my parents house for the night...and we can have time to ourselves...we usually go out to dinner and a movie and then come home and have our time together. Seems to work for us.

I would say though if you are contemplating suicide than you should go and see someone. You might need to be put on medication. I would also sit down and talk to your hubby...without an argument. If things started getting heated...then just take a breather from each other...just get up and walk away. Then once you both have compossed yourselves...continue your dicussion. It should never come to the point where you are contempating suicide.

Hope this helps and I hope things get better for you! Good luck!

Answer 3

When is the last time you looked at your self in the mirror. Girl everything about you is sexual. If it wasn't for the way you look he would have never married you. He would have married his best male friend. I have been married 37 years and have no complaints but we went through the same thing. Our boys are grown and gone. Let me tell you a secret. He was there before the kids and hopefully he will be there when the are gone. When we started having children I felt like my wife forgot all about me. This is why.
You ladies are wired different then we are and you have wiring that lays dormant until you have children. When you do you become different people. You become moms. That is a different creature than what we married. This is not bad, but you changed not us. Be thankful that he is still after you and don't think that he wont go some were else.
Talk to him, set up some type of schedule. After 37 years we still do. Tell him if he will take the kids for a few ours on a certain day it would help. Tell him on Tuesdays if he will get the kids ready for bed and wash them it would help. Talk, talk, talk.
I have been a pastor for 25 years and I have had to deal with this issue more than any other.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I think that you are experiencing a typical problem when having so young children. For most people their sexlife is an important part of their life. I think that you need to sit down and talk to your husband, ask someone, maybe your parents or his, to babysit the children so you can discuss without interruption. Just let him know that you do want to have sex, but you feel as though you have no energy left at the moment. What you have to do is solve that first and then the lust and energy for sex will come back to you. You and your husband need to work together to solve it.
I don't know your situation. Do you work?Or are you a full-time mum? Is there a kindergarten anywhere near? Maybe the children could go there once o twice a week. Maybe you could get help a few hours a week with either babysitting or housechores? Anything that will ease your workload.

Just talk to your husband, let him know how you feel, your thoughts and fear. Communication is the key. You and your husband are a team.

Answer 5

Sexy should not be the number one priority in any relationship. If it is, then something is truly wrong. I have been married for almost nine years, two kids 5 and 7 and I know how tiring it is to look after the kids and satisfy your husband. However when the kids take a nap you take one as well. Try to do all your errands and obligations earlier in the day. Therefore, when your husband comes home you'll be ready for him. Also, try to have sex earlier in the evening like 6 or 7p.m. Lastly, try to initiate it and take control.
Suicide should NEVER be a option and don't think it's your fault, a marriage is alot of hard work and it takes time. Hang in there. I will be praying for you and your marriage. God Bless You!

Answer 6

He should be able to curb it in and have sex only 3 times a week.

I definitely do NOT agree with the poster saying that it's your DUTY to have sex with him daily. This is not the 50's, it's a two-way, equal street now. It's HIS duty to love and be with you til death do you two part, and to also make sure that he is considerate and takes care of you. Not just you giving everything, and him doing all the taking. I bet you do all the cooking and cleaning too, don't you?

Unless your husband is also helping out with the kids day in, and day out, he doesn't know what you go through.

When he gets back, he should take the kids off your hands, give you an hour to yourself in the bubble bath or to read or something... and he should take care of entertaining the kids, or cooking dinner, or maybe doing bathtime for them, then you two put the kids to bed, and then relax together after they've fallen asleep and then maybe sex will happen.

Or once a week, or bi-weekly, get the grandparents to take them for the weekend and spend the weekend being together.

He's frustrated and being quite insensitive to your needs to say that he'll get it somewhere else. Tell him that hurts your feelings especially when it isn't your fault that you aren't in the mood, because you've been raising HIS (and your) KIDS all day.

He needs to take the pressure off you for a couple hours a day or something. Try having him take a day off work, come back and totally take care of the kids and the household, while you go out with your girlfriends or just out for the whole day doing groceries, your hair, shopping, and whatever you need to get done. Then he'll feel embarassed with how he's been treating you I bet...

Answer 7

That is an exhausting time. Would he read information written by someone else on the net or in a book? Would he listen to your doctor? or another husband who has been through that stage?

When my kids were that age I remember not wanting anyone to even touch me by the end of day!

If he actually wants it once a day, I would say that is not happening in 99% of families with kids that age. Are you really exhausted or is there anything that he could to make you more interested? Could he do some housework? Take the boys out?

Get a lock on your bedroom door is a great helper to be "in the mood".

Let him know that right now you are simply exhausted but would like to cuddle.

Answer 8

Dear Kik,

Take heart. First of all, every man has a daily sexual cycle, where his sexual desire and drive are at their peak. Usually, it is in the morning, after the body has rested, and, sexual energy has been stored up over night. Men are aroused via visual stimulation, while women, are stimulated by touch. In the women's favor, if they don't want to be aroused, they can avoid physical intimacy. Unfortunately for us men, if we are attracted to what we see, arousal is imminent. And, once aroused, there is heightened physical responses, that don't just go away. Not easily, anyway. Many women experience a decline in their desire for physical intimacy after having children, but, men suffer no such of a decline. There also may be some medical or physical reasons for your lack of interest, that you could discuss with your physician. He may also wish to consult a doctor, regarding his daily sexual needs. Such a heightened desire isn't typical. If this situation continues, I suggest individual and couples counseling with a competent and compassionate counselor, suited to your needs. There are a wide variety of suggestions that they could make to assist you in finding time for intimacy, quite time, relaxation techniques and stress management exercises.

Good luck, and God Bless!

Answer 9

hello, don;t worry, try this ,sit him down after the kids are put down for the night, maybe even before he goes to work tell him you have something you all need to talk about, when he comes home be wearing something you know he likes ,but tell him he has to be patient till the boys are asleep, he will be going crazy, then sit him down with candles going and start out by whatever you all like cuddling what ever, then start talking to him,telling him you still are very much in Love but how the kids have got you worn down to a frazzille then some, that you still want him as much as ever but please you are sharing with him the best years of your life for him, could he be a little more loving and understanding ,showing more concern for your feelings first instead of what is coming up first on his mind, that by being able to feel more relaxed you ll feel less stress less stress more relaxing more relaxing more energy more energy more well you know just put him in something besides making money and baby's if he wants sex work has to be done,be honest with your feelings but also receptive of his because you are both after the same-thing, peace serenity happiness and truelove ,good luck you guys will do just fine, remember he is dealing with a mans brain we need help all the time, behind every good man is aVERY GOOD WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!iwhen things get better smile its my pleasure,just don;t let him know lol lol

Answer 10

Gosh remember when you two were dating and first married. You would wake in the middle of the night had have sex. You were tired then but still put out. Here's how I feel, I found my wife and I not wanting what the other wanted. And not just sex but in other areas of our relationship. Find a way to get him off quicker, so you don't have to use as much energy. Mix it up some with maybe some oral favors. Also with your cycle you get 7 to 10 days off a month. That only gives you 20 days to please him. Good Luck