just celebrated our 15th anniversary. we have had plenty of emotional rollercoasters along the way ,but mostly we have been fine.after a few beers my husband told me that he does not fancy me (several times and in no uncertain terms. ) we had a huge fight and he tried to leave in his car, i climbed in and held the handbreak,so he tried to reverse regardless. he said many hurtful things and as i was holding on to his wallet to prevent him going out to buy more alcohol ,he pulled at me until i was standing in my bra in the street. i'm in a foreign country ,have not made any friends yet,don't work though i have applied for a job and have children who have taken a while to settle here. what do i do? in a way i know that i will be retarded to stay with someone who obviously has no respect for me,but where and how do i make a life for my kids .
2007-03-03 07:37:57 · 16 answers · asked by endof 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this is the wife of this man <----- thats sreenname im talking under... and i am in the SAME situation, but living in the states.. i havent had a career or many friends sine i have been a stay at home mom for almost 5 years.. my husband is abusive both mentally and pysially and i have NO MEANs necessary to leave him, YET. i pray to god everyday that my break my come so my children and i can have a good life. we have only been married 6 years tho. he is so mean and does horrible things to me, and says "well, what you gunna do about it" just like an azzhole. but i just keep the faith in knowing god will hopefully be on my side and help me help myself. just keep trying to get that job, and keep faith,, and try and mentally block him out as if he wasnt even there.. its hard, but best of luck
2007-03-03 07:44:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
obviously the alcohol has contributed to this situation as I assume that your rollercoasters, to date, haven't included this bombshell. So don't do anything until you're both sober, and then sit down and have a real heard to heart. Many things are said in the heat of the moment and booze loosens the tongue a lot.
What your husband said was hurtful, but that doesn't have to end a marriage. He said he doesn't fancy you, but he didn't say he didn't care for you or the children. Unfortunately you are in a dependent situation and even if you choose to leave, your lifestyle and that of your kids is going to suffer. Unless you feel that you can go home, to your family where you will get real support, then I believe you must think long and very hard about if you can really make a go of living abroad on your own. If the alternative is living with your husband who, a lot of the time, is a fairly good man then that isn't such a bad compromise.
Sorry, but I don't think there are any easy solutions here. You have young children, so the decisions you take must be in their interest too. If he's a good father to them, then I think you should stay.
2007-03-03 15:50:55 · answer #2 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get to the Citizens advice bureau as soon as you can, that's what they are there for, it doesn't cost you anything and they will be able to give you help and advice about what to do next. It's frightening thinking of starting again especially if you feel so alone but it may be the best thing you ever did. Your husband is a bully and a coward and musn't be allowed to manhandle you in that way. Get some advice, start anew, make friends (I know that sounds easy-but away from your husband you may find new confidence with people), enjoy your children and live your life. Good luck
2007-03-03 15:49:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Souns like you are going through alot at the moment, I think the only thing you can do is put your faith in yourself and believe in yourself. If you think you can work hard enough and deal with loads of stress to walk away from you horrible husband with the children then do it, but if you are not a fighter then you will probably not be successful and go back to him after a while.
You really need to think about what you can do yourself, no-one can tell you as no-one knows you as well as yourself.
Take a step back and have a good think. Is your husband violent, having affairs, creul to the children? if not then u have some time to figure things out.
Try getting in touch with RELATE, they are a councelling service. Now im not suggesting that you should try and patch up with your husband but go see them by yourself, they can help you see which way you need to go
2007-03-03 15:50:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not put up with it. You should really evaluate if you want to continue in the marriage. If you want out you can call your family and friends. Try to get some money together so you can move back to your home country. You will need the support of your family and friends. If you choose to stay, try to get your husband to go to couples therapy. You will need help working through what ever issues exist.
2007-03-03 15:46:32 · answer #5 · answered by You Don't Know Me! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do men in your country have to pay child support? you could always go back home, if u have parents who would help u. this is the way a man acts when he is seeing someone else, he will often tell th wife he has no feelings for her, he may get very critical of her. just leave him and go back to your country get divorced. as we can't make anyone love us if they don't. staying in a marriage like this will strip u of all your self worth. his true feelings will come out under the influence of alcohol. been there once in your situation, the reason for the bad treatment was that he was in an affair, and he did not want to be with me. divorced him had to, one can't stay with someone who doesn't love them.
2007-03-03 15:58:25 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK what you need to remember here is your husband was drunk so it may have been the drink that was talking. people do stupid things when there drunk. if your husband was worried about this when he was sober it may have been playing on his mind and just come out because he had the alcohol in his system. talk to him about it when he's calmed down ask if he meant it. personally i have had doubts on if i felt still for a bf and ended it only to find i did still love him. thing is once you get something like that in your mind you look for faults to prove it subconsciously and that makes it even worse. think how has your relationship been since then do you feel that he has been acting oddly. if you feel strongly enough about his behaviour yes i would think about splitting but you have to remember its not only you who will be affected and you have to take that into account.
2007-03-03 15:52:21 · answer #7 · answered by sam c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Saying go home to Mommy might sound like a slam but guess what! It's great advice. Parents are always there for their kids. Mine have made so many mistakes I honestly have lost count! Yet, everytime they come back I accept them back under my roof (and under my rules) to stay as long as needed. Go home! Then trash that jerk in court!
2007-03-03 16:34:02 · answer #8 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand up for yourself and the kids!!! Kids bounce off like balls, if you are happy so will they! Get out of there and home! Stop wasting precious moment of happiness with your children and that man will get what he deserve, nobody left for him. Go on girl be strong, others have done it and so can you!
2007-03-03 15:49:02 · answer #9 · answered by Pois Chiche 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriages between people of different countries have a habit of ending like yours so if your a Brit and i suspect you are then get home and let me tell you there are a lot of good guys in your own country and your own nationality and of course here again the kiddies suffer
2007-03-03 15:56:24 · answer #10 · answered by srracvuee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋