breaking someones heart?

Question

what do you do when you love some one but you just cant stop figthing with them all the time and it looks like you are starting to push them away and all you want to do is stop the figthing

Answer 1

Depends. Are you married and what are you fighting about?

If one of you has a serious issue like drugs, alcohol, gambling, adulterous affair, you keep fighting until that person sees the error of their ways.

If you're fighting over money, then you need to get some education on working together and how to handle your money as a team. I'd suggest Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University program. It has saved us a ton of money.

If you're fighting just because you're in too close of quarters and need a break, then get out of the house and take a break for a day. Go play golf. Or take a couple of days off from work and the two of you drive down the road a couple of hours and enjoy a long weekend away from daily stress.

Here's a big one for you. Are you winning every fight? Are you trying to win every fight? If so, do you think you're winning the marriage? If this paragraph just kicked you in the gut and made you think really hard, you better keep thinking and realize it's a partnership not a contest. You're in it together.

A licensed therapist or a trained minister would make a great third party perspective to help the two of you out.


I just gave you 11 years worth of awesome advice. Share it with your wife before you do something ignorant.

Answer 2

For some people counseling is the answer,and too have a neutral influence there, who can see both sides of the situation without being judgemental. For others it works talking it through with each other, but this takes alot of restraint. It is important too keep completely quiet when each of you are talking, no matter how tempted you are to throw your side of the matter into the conversation, and interrupt what you don't agree with. Just as important is too listen, don't let your mind wander off, thinking of the thing she / he said 5 mins ago and compiling in your head your argument against it, while missing out on all the things they have said since. It is wise too limit the time you give each other too talk, not strictly but approximately. Its not a good idea too rattle on for an hour and a half bringing up every little niggle and and annoyance, and chances are your partner is going to turn selectively deaf after listening too it for 30mins, or be unable too hold their tongue . A start would be too select the thing that is most bothering you, the thing that triggers off most of your arguments, in your opinion. When your arguing over little things, that's not truly what your arguing about, there's usually a bigger unresolved issue buried underneath. Another idea is too come too some arrangement, that when things are just begining to get out of hand, over something silly/unimportant, one of you will say firmly Stop !, you must both show restraint, and at that point drop silent Think honestly if it is worth fighting over, if not, completely agree the subject is dropped right there and not mentioned again. In some other matters it is better too agree too disagree, if someone is so strong in their belief and it differs from yours, you could fight "to the death" without there ever being a "winner", you both lose, because your relationship suffers. If neither of these options work for you, and you have honestly put every effort into resolving the problem, then perhaps you will just have too accept, that there is a clash of personalities. It may simply be in your natures too be so strong willed and defensive.In this case it isn't quite so "easily" resolved. It becomes such a speedy reflex to jump back defensivly with a retort, even before the other person has got the "offending " words out of their mouths, your instincts become poised for attack at a seconds notice. It is easier than taking the time too listen, too process what is being said and dicuss calmly, a way to resolve it, which is satisfactory too you both. It takes time,effort and practice but, in many cases can be achieved if you both persevere.

Answer 3

This is a very complex question because the reason you are fighting is because there is something about this person that makes you angry and/or vice versa. What is it about your partner that is making you angry? Work that out, then maybe the arguements will stop.....but usually arguments are not just one sided....it takes two to argue. There is a real lack of honest communication going on between the two of you. If you both dont know the reason why you argue, then maybe you need to involve a counsellor or a mediator to help you work out the problem. Arguments usually arise because one or the other person think they are right and I guess to put it in its simplest terms...there doesnt seem to be much respecting the other persons point of view going on here. If it is more serious where one person wants to mould the other person into who they want them to be, then you need to work out if the problem lies with you or your partner. If it is your partner who wants to mould you into someone else, then there are real problems there and professional intervention is imperative. If that is the problem and if it is not dealt with now, it will only get worse because if either of you want to own the other person then it becomes a relationship of control and no-one should hold the reigns in any relationship. If the arguments continue then it will only be time until that love turns into frustration and bitterness. If your partner thinks the problem lies totally with you, then it sounds like your partner is the controllling one. No-one was born to own another person, and whoever is trying to do the owning needs some help. Its going to be tough if this person doesnt see that arguments are the responsibility of both people....you both need to take responsibility 50% for you and 50% for your partner. Once you both take responsibility you may admit that you both need some help to sort this situation out.

I hope it turns out well for you.

Answer 4

There may be other ways that you can communicate to that some one without figthing. Let that some one know that you don't mean to push them away, and just try to listen to this other person. Maybe, together you guys can work something out.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Having your heart damaged is definately worse. understanding that someone that you loved left YOU is the worst feeling contained in the global, and in no way understanding in case you'll ever get them again is even worse than that. once you damage someones heart, you'll experience unhappy obviously, yet you gained't have as a lot as an impression like even as someone breaks your heart. usually once you want to cut up with someone, you already do not love them anymore, and the transition from being taken to unmarried isn't that vast. yet even as someone breaks your heart, the transition from being taken to unmarried is truly massive, and difficult to get used to.

Answer 6

Marriage counseling. You two are in a cycle that you can't break because the habit is ingained now into the fabric of the relationship. You do need the viewpoint of an outsider, an expert, who can help you to break it all down and see what is left. Take care.

Answer 7

get therapy before there is nothing left in the relationship to save. if u want to stop fighting don't react when u get angry, just think before u speak, because once u say the words of hurt, they sometimes can never be taken back. as the damage is already done,

Answer 8

if you love some body that much and you want to be with them you need to sit down and talk over what you keep fighting about. try and sort out your differences, it would be a shame to lose the person you truly love. if you cant sort out your differences then yoiu can at least walk away knowing you tried!!!

Answer 9

stop beign so childish. i bet you only fight about childish things and it just gets carried on JUST because noth of you are too stubborn to back down.

sit your wife down and tell her you love her. give her a small but meaningful present and apologise for all the arguments. this should stop them flaring up for a while.

when one finally does come up, if it is not of critical importance, just say 'i love you' and refuse to argue back. if she keeps going tell her that you dotn want to argue with her anymore and that if she really thinks its worth arguing about (DONT BE PATRONISING > ONE WAY ROUTE TO SLEEPING ON THE SOFA)

good luck

Answer 10

Neil you have the problem of cant live with her but cant live without her so both of you sit down and talk about what will eventually happen if you don't stop quarrelling