Why don't women leave when husbands are abusive?

Question

He we have yet another case of a woman slaughtered by her crazy husband. Don't tell me she didn't see any signs. And I don't buy it that they are too scared or no place to go. Not buying that at all.

I'm talking about the murdered woman in Michigan in the above example.

Answer 1

You will always receive the same answer from women:
- she was too scared
- she had nowhere to go
- etc...

All of this implies that she is not an adult, as she cannot make her own decisions. This nonsense has been used to justify the creation of women's 'shelters', which are in fact simply gov't funded man-hating organizations.

If women cannot make mature decision, women are not adult enough to:
- vote
- own property
- work

But, alas, this doesn't seem to matter as we live in The Feminist Republic of America.

Answer 2

A lot of long answers here.
A lot of women have been in these relationship so long their husbands have oppressed, treatened them and held their thumb on them and saw to it that they're not able to get out.
Once a man starts hitting and beating on them they really need to get out because it will never get any better.
Frankly, there are women in these sitituations that are all by themselve and have no where to turn or go especially when they have no money and kids are involved.
The woman killed as you mentioned, who knows?
How many women married the dream of the life and in just a matter of a few months or less everything turns into hell.
I cannot answer you from a professiional stand point but I can answer from experience which sometimes is professional.
I was raised in a home like that.
Sometimes womem will take a ton of abuse before they will get enough (balls, if I may) to realize they've had enough, rise up, pack up and get out or, even better throw the bum out.

Answer 3

Women who are in an abusive relationship are sick in a disease of manipulation and co-dependency. There are patterns and cycles and stages of unhealthy relationships. The woman usually has been conditioned to accept the consequences because they believe they do not deserve anything else. They have low self esteem and self respect so they do not have enough courage or conviction to make a positive change. They cannot see over the fence, they are prisoners of their own making. They forget to reach out and call for help to God, they don't think they are worth saving. So they let it happen over and over again. They become damaged goods,they are wishful thinkers believing that one day the abuser will change. no-one else would want the woman because of the abusive that has been inflicted upon her. Can you buy that?

Answer 4

I know the first time a boyfriend looked like he raised his hand on me, I swung like Mike Tyson!!!!!!!!!!!!! After I finished, and dropped him like a bad habit, I never could understand how a woman could put up with it. The only thing I could think of is low self-esteem. I believe there are always signs of an abuser in some way, and I also believe some guys know who and who not to mess with. No one should stay in an abusive relationship. If a woman actually has children and marries this man, nine times out of ten he was showing signs of abuse before they got that far. They fell for the "I am sorry I won't do it again" story and in a way it is ignorant for a woman to allow herself to stay with him that long in the first place. I could never identify with these women, because I don't have patience for the little dumb stuff some men do, so there is no way I'll deal with a man hitting me.

And please believe there are men who are being abused by women. I have seen that for myself. These men are too ashamed to leave and sometimes get killed too. Have you ever seen Snapped? Some of these women are either abused or are abusers to their men. It crosses lines in this society now.

Answer 5

back in the days it was proven women stayed for economic reasons since most wives did not work or if they did they earned very little to (usually) take care of kids on . Today its because the woman has had her self worth ripped so far to shreds she believes that no one else would want her, that she is really the cause of the abuse an abusive man seperates a woman from all support and isolates her and has her believing that she is totally worthless, and inept .its very much psychological torture. the contunual wearing down of the ego, the humiliation and degradation. also a woman is ashamed to admit that she has been beaten because she sees it as HER failure (which is bullcrap) now today a lot of young girls believe that they are nothing without a man and having somebody even if he is abusive is better than having no man at all. and this is TOTAL BULLCRAP thats why it is so very important that we help young sisters define THEMSELVES early on

Answer 6

By the time this woman was murdered she had probably internalized the abuse to such an extent that she felt that she deserved it. Domestic abuse is a systematic dehumanizing process that breaks downs all an individuals defences. Imagine a prisoner of war being tortured to 20 years and the mental capacity that would leave them in. DV is insidious as it starts out gradually and increases. Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? DV has been compared to this. The modern self defence theory is defined strictly by a male perspective. A man is allowed to use reasonable force at the time their life is threatened. This doesn't translate well to females who may be weaker than a male and had their psyches eroded over such a period of time that when they kill they must do it when their perpetrator is incapacitated or risk losing their lives and like a lot of domestic violence the lives of their children or other loved ones. Abusers delight in threatening to kill other family members as a way to further torment their victims.

Answer 7

Why don't men who are abused leave?
Abusers (male and female) rip their partner's self esteem to shreds, scare them, threaten them, and take away their resources on purpose so that they won't leave. And they do it over a period of time. Most times they won't just outright hit someone in the beginning of a relationship because people will most likely leave then. They train their victims to stay. Then they isolate them from family and friends and try to control the money. They feel like they can't leave because no one else will want them, or they need the financial support the abuser gives, or they're too scared to leave.
There are so many factors in this. For exmaple: a woman was talking on the radio a few months ago about how her father was abused by her mother, but he wouldn't leave because she threatened to kill herself in front of the children if he tried. So he stayed for the sake and safety of his children.

Also, the ones who leave are at more of a risk for being killed than the ones who stay. Look it up. So you have a woman who doesn't want to take being abused and leaves, then he snaps and stalks her, attacks her, and then eventually ends up killing her (possibly the children and the people helping them too).

It saddens and disgusts me that people have the audacity to blame the victim nowdays. These aren't hard things to figure out even if you've never been in the situation so it's sad how many people just don't seem to understand the victims in these cases.

Answer 8

Because there is something called manipulation that exists. When you are with an abuser for an extended period of time you begin to believe what they tell you. To be told you are ugly.. nowhone wants you but me.. you are mine.. I love you.. you are the only one for me..etc. for years is emotional abuse.
There is not only physical abuse going on but.. verbal, spiritual, mental, and emotional. The situation is not as easy as you think to get out of. Look at the kidnapped children that have the opportunity to leave their abuser and don't. Different people react differently.
Being terrified should motivate you to move but... some people are too scared to go anywhere. Believe that. Also after putting the family through that for years... they get upset enough to the point where they WON"T allow you to live with them. They believe that history will repeat itself and you will go back.( And they may be right)
Have some empathy bro. Men suffer through spousal abuse also. The difference is.. they suffer in silence. They literally will not tell. They are too embarrassed and they too DIE at the hands of their abuser.Oooookkkkkkk?

Answer 9

Because historically under the template of abuse the womens' perception is that they nuture, and as such to tame the beast. Duty, dedication, honor, these are all questions women ask themselves when they look to their family for dignity and respect. Sadly what most women don't understand is that even if it gets better her health will decline in the process and inherently defeats the family entirely

Answer 10

A few ideas from, well, a guy.
It sounds societal. Woman, historically often left behind their lives to join the man. They follow him and meet his expectations. They adapt themselves to her new life.
Women's rights and modernization I believe have helped alleviate this. I hope it continues. But I know it still occurs.

PS Women taking men's last names is one example of this. I know a guy who took his wife's last name. It was cool.

If it harms none, so be it.

Answer 11

Watch a "Vampire" movie like Dracula.

There is a charming, well spoken, man who romances a women. The women undergoes a "Trance" state when she's being romanced by the vampire. Sociologists have different names for this trance "Stock holm syndrome" ... but reality is --- the man's great at manipulating words, and the environment to his advantage.

Outsiders watching this are not in the trance, and just like when watching a vampire movie, they're screaming "Run stupid ... Run" ... but only the words of the vampire get through to her.

Most women don't want to admit the powers men have in sex. A woman will "Bond" with men during sex. I think TV show, "Sex & the City" joked about a chemical that's formed that kinda makes us ducklings. Then, Jane Fonda recently did an interview where she said she'd do anything for her lovers. That when they started, her lovers were attracted to her independence, but after sex, she sucame to them. Dunno if this is true, but I've seen it in myself & friends. Guess that's why I'm holding on so dearly to my chastitiy until I find a man to marry --- 'cas I realize I give him the keys to my soul when I share that intimate experience.