does my husband abuse me?

Question

i am a night shift worker and when i come home around 4or 5 am i go into the bedroom and as soon as i open the door he sits up gasping for air and then he starts swearing and going nuts sumtimes he grabs my arm and sharts freaking out at me asking what im doing but in the morning he doesnt even remember doing it cause he is half asleep, does this mean he holds alot of anger or resentment towards me or could it just be an random reaction.

Answer 1

sounds like he has sleep apnea might wanna go to a sleep center and get him tested. sleep apnea causes it's victims to just stop breathing when they are sleeping. I'm not sure about him asking you what you are doing..could just that he is in and out of sleep so he's not all with it, but doesn't sound like any kind of abuse

Answer 2

He needs to get help. I don't think he is doing these things intentionally if he doesn't remember them in the morning. It is very possible that he really don't remember them. It sounds like he's having night terrors. I don't think he's a nutty fruitcake, I think there is something medically that needs to be addressed. My daughter is seven years old and she gets up sometimes and comes into the room where I am and starts screaming and mumbling things that you cannot understand and wailing her arms and kicking and screaming. I usually just walk her back to her bed without reacting to much to it. She's been doing this since she was about two. In the morning, she has no recollection of the previous night events. Even though the entire family just sits there and looks at her in disbelief when she acts like we are lying on her. It is really weird. I have had familiy members witness her doing this and they were afraid of her because of the look in her eyes. When she is awake she is the most precious person I have ever met. I don't think that he is doing these things and is aware of them so I don't think that is abuse. I would tell him that he needs to see a doctor about these night terrors and then if he doesn't then you might consider it abuse because he should care that he is hurting you or at least scaring you.

Answer 3

Chances are he would do this to anyone who happened to enter the room. It sounds more like a sleep disorder problem than abuse. He does need to see a doctor about this - especially if you have children in the house. I would try sleeping in another room when I first came home. Another suggestion would be to turn on the light when you first enter the room then wait for him to react and rouse from sleep before getting in bed. It does sound like a case of night terrors. If you take the above steps and he is abusive to you during waking hours - then I would suspect abusive tendencies.

Answer 4

I would suggest you take your husband to see a doctor who specializes in sleep disturbances. He may have sleep apnea, and it can be very serious. Everyone reacts differently when they are in a deep sleep and something wakes or startles them. I don't think he's the only one who reacts with anger.

Although my husband never reacts with anger if I accidentally wake him up, he doesn't remember anything in the morning.
He didn't believe he suffered from sleep apnea until he spent the night at the sleep center. Now he sleeps with a small mask that pumps air into his nose and is hooked up to a small C-pap machine.

Before he wore the mask, he would stop breathing and I would shake him to wake him up. He would jump up gasping for air and never remember anything in the a.m. His doctor informed me that it is very common for someone suffering from this to not remember their actions upon waking.

There are many degrees of sleep apnea and everyone doesn't react the same. I think it would be helpful to take your husband to a doctor who specializes in it. If he's not remembering anything he does in the morning, maybe he has the same problem.

I wish you both well.

Answer 5

you need to make sure that you get marriage counseling if he is taking unfair anger out on you, denying it, and not even remember that he did anything wrong. also, make sure that he gets a little therapy too, because he may have hidden anger and emotional issues from his past- it will help him, rest assured. it doesn't sound like any kind of abuse though, but don't let it turn into anything harmful by not talking about it and getting the therapy.

Answer 6

If hes sleep walking then NO he is NOT abusing you. He might, yeah, have built up anger, you guys need to work on that, but don't look at it as abuse. Would you like it if he freaked out at you for breaking something while if you broke it while sleep walking? This is only if you think he's sleep walking.

Answer 7

You might look up "night terrors" on Google. It´s a sleep disorder. Sometimes its a condition. I knew a woman who told me that one time her husband caught up in the middle of the night and began turning over furniture searching frantically for something, then went back to bed and didn´t remember a thing in the morning.

Answer 8

Its probably got sometrhing to do with secruity issues he keeps in. He is half sleep so he proably doesnt eve know he is hurting you. Talk to him about and maybe even see some kiind of counsler. He if denies to it and doesnt want to see a counsler...it looks like the end is near

Answer 9

wow. Well u need to have a talk with hiim and let him noe how is affecting u. And yes he is kinda abusing u in a way. If iit get more violent get him to go to a program for anger management or something!!

Answer 10

i think so probably he do holds alot of anger inside i dont think he really wants to hurt you, b/c like you said he dont remmeber anything in the morning. he might of been having a bad dream and took it out on you. you need serious help with this sititution b/c it might get worse.