My boss recently ended our 5 month affair. He is going to marriage counseling; says he is very much in love with me, but when he tried to leave his wife, she begged for him to go to counseling. He felt he owed it to her, says he loves her as a sister, no kids involved. I know when I look at him, he is hurting inside....seems like he may be lacking sleep. Will his counseling work? Can he make it work again after all of this? I love him very much and this is really difficult situation. He said he has never fallen for anyone else the way he has for me, but he feels guilt, and obligation to her right now. Will I ever have the love of my life?I cant stop thinking about him.
2007-03-03 06:23:06 · 32 answers · asked by Lady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Look. You need to learn to let him go. HE'S MARRIED and the affair you had with him was a BAD DECISION.
He SHOULD feel guilt and you should too.
2007-03-03 06:26:36 · answer #1 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 4⤊ 6⤋
First of all, you can't believe anything this guy says to you because you know he's a cheater and liar. You will never know if he really tried to leave his wife, if they are going to counseling, or how he feels about you. You have to take his word for everything and it may not be the truth.
The harsh reality is that he did end the affair with you. The reasons are not important, just know that it's over. At least he didn't keep stringing you along.
To answer your questions, yes counseling can work and their marriage may survive after this. Counseling helps both partners find out why they cheated and how to make their relationship stronger. If it doesn't work, then don't take him back. Don't settle for being someone's second choice. If he wanted to be with you, he would be now.
Use this as a chance to move on and make a life for yourself. If you need a new job, then get one. But don't sit around and analyze everything that happened. Go out and the love of your life will find you. Don't waste another minute of your life on this man. It is tough to do, but think of the time you have wasted already.
2007-03-03 09:00:40 · answer #2 · answered by torn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to let him make his own decisions. Which is a really difficult thing to do when you love someone with all your heart. Counseling may help him see that he can't be with his wife any longer especially if he thinks of her as his sister. The hardest part is the waiting and not knowing what he will do. Believe me if he loves you as much as you say he will be back. I know people put you down for falling in love with a married man but you can't help who you fall in love with. I'm sure he is hurting just as much as you are.
2007-03-03 06:41:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing: affairs are just that. Affairs. People don't marry people they have affairs with. They don't leave their wives for people they have affairs with. I think this guy used you, to get his mind off his problems with his wife, to add some excitement and drama to his life, etc. Basically, you were the drug, and he's now going to go back and work things out with his wife, which he SHOULD. What he should not have done was involve you in his problems. I don't have any respect for a man who does that. If he really loved you, he wouldn't have put you in this position. He'd have left his wife before he started anything with you. He sounds like a confused immature young boy. Please, find something else to do until you're over this and find a man who deserves you because this one doesn't.
2007-03-03 06:35:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's just dragging you around on a string. He'll never leave his wife and you should respect that and leave him alone. He's saying those things to you so he can have two women and he will continue to do so until you wise up and leave him be.
I'll never understand how some women could be so insecure to even WANT a taken man in the first place. You obviously have commitment AND self-esteem issues if you can't actually have a REAL relationship with an unattached man. I highly suggest that YOU get some counseling and learn to love yourself before heading into another relationship.
2007-03-03 06:29:26 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to say I think he's playing you. If he truly loves you, he would've left his wife by now. It sounds like he's trying to enjoy the best of both worlds.
I know that you probably think the love is real with you two, but chances are that he is saying all that to perpetuate that the feelings are mutual, when in fact they are not.
For instance, if he knows that the love is not there with her, then what happens if the counseling "works"?
2007-03-07 02:32:57 · answer #6 · answered by bignate_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Lady,
I hope i can help a little. You see, I am a married man and am in the process of ending an affair. I know exactly how this guy feels. Ashamedly, i consider myself a christian and i feel like a total failure now. i love my wife and she is a wonderful woman. somewhere along the way, the romance and attraction was lost. now, that wouldnt normally be a problem for me because i made a vow, but i slipped. i became casual at first, and later close friends with a young lady. I always thought that she was beautiful, but never considered the thought of a relationship. through our spending time together and talking one day we found ourselves in each others arms and we kissed. it was like months of built up feelings exploded that we didnt even know were there.
we promised each other tht it could never happen again...i was pretty firm on this but she would tease me when we were together. i should have stopped spending time with her, but i guess i tried to have the best of both worlds, idk. all i know is that every once in a while i would give in and we would kiss again.
we never had sex or anything really close to it, but we are in love with each other. my wife is beginning to suspect something. we decided to not spend time together alone and not talk on the phone so much anymore. problem is that the feelings are still there. we are hoping they will fade and we can be just friends again. i suspect that it is wishful thinking.
my point is, i cant sleep...i drink...im frustrated...im angry...i am going crazy from guilt, double mindedness, confusion, shame, etc.
i could never leave my wife. if she were a jerk that would be one thing but she didnt do anything wrong. for that, i will never tell her because it would crush her...i will just suffer with it. but if i left her i would suffer far worse. i could never do that. especially at our age, 37 with no kids. like your boss, i am not "in love" with my wife but i love her. he prob is hurting inside and losing sleep because he loves his wife and is in love with you. I too believe that the other woman makes me feel like ive NEVER felt before. i ache inside that we cant be together.
my opinion is that you have to let him go. it wasnt meant to be. he will never get over the guilt (particularly if they have kids or if he has to pay alimony which will be a constant reminder). marriage must be honored through commitment, not feelings. i sense that he knows this and that is why he is trying to make it work. let him. dont try to contact him unless he asks you to. it makes him more confused. i feel bad for you because you are on the other side and have to let go, but remember, she found him first. his shame will never let him be totally happy with you.
im sorry.
if you want to ask me any quest or anything u can drop me an email.
southcat69@yahoo.com
2007-03-05 08:59:50 · answer #7 · answered by zeke58 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's not goin to leave his wife, bout he still wants there to be an "option" with u. If he came to your door right now u would prolly sleep with him right? and thats what he wants, to kno that he can have u if he wants u. I think u should just move on and if the time comes where he actually does leave his wife, go for him then. But even if he does become ur man one day, whats to say that he wont find another girl to sleep wit?
2007-03-03 06:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by vbolden88 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
hahhahahah OMG. I bet he is dating several women on the side! You are probably just one of them! Sounds like you are getting way too attached. Not to mention now you are being labeled as a sl*t and a home-wrecker! Why would you want to be with married man?!? IF he leaves her for you then whats to keep him from cheating on you since hes cheating on her?!? Like I said he's probably got mulitiple women on the side! Do you wanna live your life always being the other woman?!? Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Get over him and find someone who respects you and who will treat you with love and respect.
2007-03-03 10:07:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't deserve love or happiness. Why? Because you are trying to steal another woman's husband. That makes you nothing but a cheap no class slutt. Sorry, but that IS what a person is, when they deliberately get involved sexually with a person that they know is married. Even IF you could "get" him, why would you think he'd be more of a husband to you, than he is to the wife you've helped him betray?
2007-03-03 06:37:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being the other woman is a joke. You lose all credibility and respect. Hiding in the shadows, never being able to share your "loved one" with your family and friends. Your family and friends (not to mention your co-workers) pity you.
The only one out of control is YOU. Let the man try to work out his marriage. If he really wanted to be with you he would. PERIOD.
He's a chickensh*t for cheating and he's a chickensh*t iwho doesn't have the guts to leave his wife if he doesn't love her (which I don't believe).
Do you want a chickensh*t of a man? That makes you... what?
2007-03-03 06:34:00 · answer #11 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋