Can a relationship survive when one partner continually breaks the same promise over and over again?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 6 years. We have a good relationship and there is alot of love. We have a business partner that visits once every 6 weeks. When that person is in town he insists on going to strip bars. While I am an each to his own type of person, I find this behaviour disrespectful to his wife and myself as he always insists my husband go with him. I trust my husband completely and have never imposed any restrictions on him with the exception of this one. My husband is aware of how strongly I feel on this issue, for a variety of personal reasons and constantly promises that he will say no the next time he is invited, and that he doesn't want to lose me over something so unimportant to him. Unfortunately he is not able to keep that promise. He obviously enjoys going. I feel if that is the case he should just be honest about it and stop making a promise he is obviously not willing/able to keep.

Answer 1

Truthfully speaking here, why do you accept the promise or even allow him to make it if you know he will be unable to keep it? Sometimes men find it hard to be honest when they know the truth will upset their significant other. It sounds like you already know the truth...so why fight about it. I agree with you the strip clubs are disrespectful places for an involved man to be at and I have had a similar argument over it with my husband. But really you know whats up, you know he will continue to go against your wishes with this business partner- so if you cannot be okay with that then don't be... At this point he knows he can go so long as afterwards he makes promises to not do it again. And maybe afterwards he really feels like it isn't worth it but in the moment of being asked he is able to justify it. The promises are to make you happy, pure and simple...He does it because he thinks its what you want from him. In reality, if the behavior (of him going) is really not what you want then you need to make it clear that it is a deal breaker and be serious about it. That is, if it is a deal breaker for you. The broken promises work, we all do what works for us.

Answer 2

I understand your upset. My husband will promise that he's going to do something, and then not do it. Time after time. I ask him, "Why don't you just tell me you don't want to do it?"

This is the eternal mystery of men. :)

I think you're looking at this in a very black and white way. Step back, take a deep breath, and realize that there are a lot of shades of gray here.

Just because he might enjoy going does not mean there is less love for you.

Psychologically, there is a reason this is bothering you so much-- and it seems like your upset is way more than the situation calls for. That means that you're dealing with some old feelings. If you can sit with yourself quietly and figure out what you're feeling (abandoned, hurt, disrespected, not important, etc) and when you might have felt it before in your childhood, you're on your way to helping to heal yourself.

Hope that makes sense.
Good luck to you... he sounds like a good guy. Hang in there.

Answer 3

It sounds like you don't like it what-so-ever, but at the same time it sounds like you're willing to accept your husband enjoys strip bars as well (as long as he comes clean with it). If this is the case have you talked with him about whether or not he is enjoying himself and wants to continue to join his friend?

Communication is the key here. If you want it to stop then give no compromise! Tell him, "I feel disrespected when you go to these places and if you truly love/respect me then you will not go again". If he does go or sneaks around then this will go sour. You will feel less appreciated etc. He maybe hitting his mid-life, and you do understand that men tend to want to be noticed or felt still attractive when they hit mis-life (hence the crisis). If he is middle aged then you need to be talking about making your sex life more interesting. Try role playing when you are out. It's all about rejuvinating your reasons for being together.

Answer 4

Think about going with them, at least once. I went with my boyfriend. I find it less of a threat than him just being in a bar because in the strip clubs he just looks at the girls whereas in a bar it's easier to flirt and talk to other women. The strippers don't spend too much time with just one guy, if even at all. And the girls there are actually nice to the female customers. They never did anything with me right there, so there was nothing to even get upset about. Men are going to look at attractive women, period. Even not very attractive women when they're naked or near naked. You would be surprised also that they're not all these incredible looking girls you see in movies, a lot of them are pretty "average." Your husband might even get turned on by you going with him. I even tipped the girls who were nice to me, and my boyfriend loved that. I have no interest in other women, but I still can appreciate a beautiful woman. In the end, he is still coming home to you.

I'm learning that guys will lie if they're afraid honesty will cause a fight, but they aren't lying to be malicious, just wanting to avoid confrontation. I would start preparing myself that he is going to go next time so its not unexpected, rather than thinking he's not going to go this time and then be all upset. Talk to him, tell him you know he wants to go and you are not going to get mad at him, and then follow through with that. Once he starts to see you aren't getting upset, he will be open about going.

Answer 5

Congratulations. With all the possible problems a marriage can have, the problem bothering you is that a guy takes your husband to a strip club every six weeks or so. GASP!!!! How terrible. Next, you'll tell us that he actually LOOKS at scantily clad women- AND that he enjoys it. SHOCKING. That would mean that your husband is like millions of other guys, and enjoys looking at women. Does this really bug you soooooo much that you have threatened to end your marriage, if it continues? Lady, I pity you. You are literally making mountains out of molehills. Grow up, or you'll end up losing your husband.

Answer 6

the actuality that he's doing the comparable or previous habit when you caught him means that he probable wont quit. he's moping around to make you sense sorry for him while it replaced into him who replaced into doing the habit. you ought to not be feeling in charge in any respect. in case you fairly choose to go on then smash it off with him. in case you decide directly to stay, then you definately could desire to settle on if this habit is something you could stay with. danger is, he can no longer substitute until HE needs to alter! the main right here i think is that in the time of a relationship you could desire to settle for the guy for who they are, solid and undesirable. i think that a techniques too many human beings occasion thinking they could substitute the failings that computer virus them approximately the different individual while they are together. It in simple terms would not paintings and easily builds up resentments. the two study to stay with the habit or fairly flow on. All adult men masturbate, some a number of situations an afternoon. It fairly has no longer something to do with you. that's a guy subject. while you're fairly worried, ask to do it for him or perhaps ask if he could choose to masturbate for you and you for him. as long as he's no longer doing it with yet another woman then ask to be a factor of it. All adult men do it, as properly, possibly he's fantasizing approximately you while he does it! :)

Answer 7

yes he need's to stay away from strip bar's before it ruin's your marrige you need to ask him about the promises he made to quit going