I have been having an affair with a married man for 6 months. We are both married, and I am friends with his wife. Very bad situation, all around. I have since got out of my marriage and am know seperated. I am still caring on this affair, he says he is leaving his wife but he never has. He tells me he is and he does nothing. I am so confused, part of me says just end it and see what happens but I really don't want to walk away from him, I am in love with him, and he said he was falling in love with me too. I just have this sinking feeling that he will never leave, almost like he wants both relationships. I am in desperate need of help!
2007-03-03 05:52:05 · 37 answers · asked by Shawnie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not going to beat you down like some of the others here because you don't need it. You already feel bad as it is and your heart is in pain. I feel for you. You're only being human and it can happen to anyone!!!! We can all say that we won't do this or that because it's not morally right, blahhh, blahhh, blahhh, but who are we to judge when we haven't even crossed that bridge? For those who have been there and done that, take their stories, advice and opinions into consideration. They know what they're talking about........ You need to decide what is worth it to you. Love can be a very complex and highly emotional thing. It's different for a woman and a man. Whatever happens in a marriage is between those 2 people. If yours wasn't great to begin with and you found what you needed elsewhere, then you shouldn't be blamed for ruining your own marriage. People change through the years and things happen!!! If it wasn't meant to be, then it won't be. With your lover, he could have fallen for you, but has his own reasons for not leaving his wife. Do they have children together? This could be the glue that keeps him there. Some guys want the stability of having a wife, not because he's in love with her or is happy. He probably feels guilty too. Talk to him, find out what's going on and where you stand with him. If you don't agree or like the answers, then determine your next move.......stay and wait or move on........If you two belong together, then fate will return you guys to each other. As for being friends with his wife, I think you should keep your distance. I don't think that part is cool, but like the saying goes........crap happens!!! Another thing........this doesn't make him or you a bad person. Of course if someone cheated on me, I wouldn't give them a 2nd chance. That's just me though....... regardless of my love for them. Think things over and see what is best for you at this time. You don't want to waste your life away yearning for someone that you may never completely have..........you do deserve much more.........but it doesn't mean you have to ever forget this amazing love you had.
2007-03-03 07:28:35 · answer #1 · answered by artutina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The worst thing a married person could do is to have an affair because they seemingly always find themselves in the situation that you are in-myself included. I was in love, and thought the sun would never go down on the love I carried for him. I got deeper and deeper into the situation. Sometimes even saw a glimmer of hope that he just may leave his wife. Eventually they got divorces, but he didn't come to me. If I had to do it again-no affairs, ever. Now you have to decide if its worth it to keep hoping that a man will leave the comfortability of his wife and home to be with you who will now become the wife, and then there will be room for another woman on the side.
2007-03-03 06:10:27 · answer #2 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In most cases, the man never leaves his wife & why should he, he's having his cake & eating it cake too. Just remember, when you have an affair with a married man, there are no guarantees. He says he's leaving but he hasn't & I doubt that he will. Why should he, when he can come to you when he wants to be satisfied? Pull the plug & stay away from another woman's husband. There are a lot of single men out there.
2007-03-03 06:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a certain part of Africa when a woman is found having an affair with a married man all the women in the village pour acid all over this harlot. I've seen that happen in America only in a different fashion as what goes around comes around. I hope you come to understand this is a serious Crime of the Heart ... it's not love. Good luck.
2007-03-03 06:14:14 · answer #4 · answered by Summer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
married men never leave there wives...You should know that.. if left your marriage because you wanted to... You guys have been fooling around for six months and nothing has happened yet what makes you think that one day it's all going to change.. that man is having is cake and eating it too and you are allowing it... A man can only do what you allow him to. If you tell him that you can no longer live this life style that something has to change... see what happens.. you have to know what you want and who you want it from, Better yet... if he does leaves his wife what makes you think he is going to be faithful to you.. he already know you a cheater too... so just end it and find your self a better lover and life
2007-03-03 06:04:54 · answer #5 · answered by Shonda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know a "woman" that has had "relationships" with 5 separate married men. Out of all of these relationships, none of these men ever divorced their wives, or even had a trial separation.
From my observation I have come to the conclusion that when a man is having an affair on his wife, the second woman is generally a "side peice of ***" and most likely won't be anything BUT a side peice of *** to him.
Personally, I would also seriously reconsider this friendship with his wife, after all, would you like your "friends" to treat you as well as you are treating her?
2007-03-03 05:59:41 · answer #6 · answered by d h 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Nothing good will come of this adultress affair. It's actually a big insult when married men go for other women, it's cuz these women appear to be easy with low values. It's not love, it's pathetic and I am really glad my daddy is a good daddy and a good husband to my mommy. You should be grounded for a very long time. And I bet if your mommy new what you have been doing she would be very upset with you. Sorry to say all this but it just scares me cuz I love my family and don't want this to happen
2007-03-03 06:04:32 · answer #7 · answered by divinity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you are not out of your marriage until you are
divorced, period. Second of all what in the world are you
thinking. The man is married and uses you for his pleas-
ure and you let him. He is not going to leave his wife, he
uses your body then sleeps with his wife and you except
that? Be a woman stand on your two feet and get on with
your life. Since both of you are cheaters , both of you will
never be happy in life if you do not change. I'ts up to you
but when things get worse, don't say no-one told you so.
2007-03-03 08:04:50 · answer #8 · answered by RudiA 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need help??? To do what, help destroy another marriage? Isn't your own enough? Neither you, nor your married lover are worth caring about. You obviously lack morals and sense. It will be amusing if it turns out you left your husband for a guy that doesn't care about you, and just likes extra sex. It'll be exactly what you deserve. I predict a great future for you as a common bar slutt. Have a great time. Enjoy a very lonely life. By the way, you AREN'T friends with your lover's wife. She may be your friend, but you aren't her friend.
2007-03-03 06:15:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, relationships that are based on a lie or cheating rarely survive long term, and your relationship with this man was based on the destruction of 2 marriages - yours and his.
If you've already ended your marriage, and he's showing no signs of walking away from his wife, chances are he never will. A man who cheated on his wife to be with you will cheat on you to be with someone else. He's using you, and you're allowing it.
You've already ruined your marriage, and your friendship with his wife - walk away now, and allow him the chance to be a real man and do the right thing by repairing his marriage.
2007-03-03 06:11:21 · answer #10 · answered by ~StepfordWife~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋