who do i choose.?

Question

i recently wrote saying my relationship was fizzling out 2 montha ago nothing seens to have really change. we spoke about it , and since then things have got a little bit better but only in the sense of a few times he has bought me flowers, but we still don-t talk or rarely do anything together or with the kids 11 and nearly 2. last week i could not help myself kissing a man who is a very good friend of mine who when i confessed he also admitted he really liked me, but he backed of saying he didn't want to break a family up. i've tried to ignore this but i really like him and he said i should talk to my partner,what should i do...

well SILLYKIM your name just about says it all. one i´m not married, wich is one of my points i´ve been engaged for 5 years and my partner doesn´t even look up from the telly when i try to talk about it. i have been trying for the past 2 years, and been very misserable, yes there has been a few good times lately but not even a quater to the bad ones, don´t get me wrong we never argue but thats it we never do anything. and your saying i am just sat hear bitching, well take a look at yourself luv. and yes i bought 2 kids in to the world and they are the best thing ever and never want for nothing, so if all you talk is **** do us all a favour and don´t bother..,. TO EVERY BODY ELSE I WOULD LIKE TO THANKYOU FOR ALL THE DIFFERENT ADVICE. TA VERY MUCH.

Answer 1

talk to your partner before anything else happens!!!

Answer 2

I can understand that relationships seem to dry up after a while.They lose the spark that was part of going out as a couple,but would leaving your husband really be better? Sometimes its better the devil you know than the 1 you don't..My 12 year marriage ended and the reason I was always working and my ex had a separate life with our 2 children.We never had much time together,went out much or did anything as a couple.We just existed,that doesn't make for a good marriage.
In the end you just take each other for granted,same routine,same time for dinner,same Sunday Roast,same old same old and before you know it,your leading separate lives..Kissing the other bloke was a probably quite a thrill,it made you feel good inside,wanted and attractive,but think of what you have to lose and the upset it will cause all concerned,especially your children....Try and make time for you and your husband,go out together,get a baby sitter 1 night and surprise him...Take him out for dinner,and dont take no for answer if he says no....
Children are beautiful creatures but they have taken your time for eachother away for you 2,make time and stick it out.He might be a totally different bloke if you show him how much you care for him.This other guy sounds pretty decent,he can see what would happen if you 2 got together..What would you do if it didnt work out? Think of what you've got to lose.....alot!!!!!!
Good luck,

Answer 3

He's become complacent, and truly, so have you. Neither of you expect anything from each other, because you never did. Tell him you are ready to leave. If that doesn't light a fire under him, nothing will. Flowers are nice, but you BOTH have to come up with other things. You need to see a marriage councilor. (I know, your not married, but you might as well be) It would be lovely if the two of you could work this out. Don't stay together just for the kids. This isn't a healthy way to bring them up. Do you want them to learn to be okay with a boring relationship? You want better for them, he does too, so do yourselves a favor and expect it for yourselves too. Stay away from this other fellow for at least 6 mos. You will know in 6 mos if your fiancee is making any effort. Just remember, you need to make the effort too. What do you do for the two of you?

Answer 4

Sounds like you are the one that needs to start making the effort. Your husband has already started, you need to do something too! You have kids for Christ's sake! You are the one breaking up your family because of this man! It's not the other man's fault! It's your choice and right now you are choosing to break up your family, not this guy!

Sure, throw your marriage away because you don't feel like making an effort. Your husband brought you flowers! You are so ungrateful! Time to step up to the plate and do something about your marriage instead of sitting back and b*tching about how your husband hasn't changed that much. Way to go throwing your marriage away. I can't believe you brought kids into the world and can't even act like a responsible adult. Do your husband a favor and leave. He'll find someone that actually appreciates him.

Answer 5

If you've had enough move on
If it is just a little hic up in your relationship then don't do it.
You may well leave your current partner to be with someone who at the time seams more exciting,
but all new things are.
Only you know if you really want to be with your partner or not!
If you don't
tell him first BEFORE you go around kissing other blokes.

Answer 6

no marriage is without problems, it is easy when one has had an argument with the spouse to think that they want someone else. because that someone else, is doing and saying all the right things, but your marriage can be worked on, and u don't really know that if u would leave your marriage that life with this other man would be any different. if u want to be with the other man, get a divorce first, do it right, don't go behind someones back and cheat.

Answer 7

Sort yourself out an unhappy family is not a good situation - Make decisions and take the right steps for you and the children any new relationship is way down the line decisions first actions then future. Sorry that's the way it is.

Answer 8

Like is not enough for a relationship. Try to understand where you and your partner are going wrong, and attempt to rectify the situation. Work at it there is usually a solution. Then if all else fails walk away.

Answer 9

You need to talk with your partner. You might be kissing your friend because you are trying to make excuses to get out! Think about this. Don't drag your friend in because you are not sure what you want to do in your own relationship.

Answer 10

All I can say is that we only get one ride on this merry-go-round. You might as well be happy...don't stay in a relationship because its comfortable or because you're scared, it almost always NEVER works out. As for your friend...hell..if it feels right just go for it. But make sure you end things with your current beau, otherwise you'll be asking for trouble.

Answer 11

sort things out with your partner first !! if thats a no no ,your new man will be there !!! stop one relationship before starting another
if you dont what is the new man going to think if you end up with him ??? (can I trust her !!) done it once