What do you think of my poem? Give me some feedback. The most honest gets the best answer.?

Question

Spotted Darkness
By: Eric Wyatt

I stared into the dim, cold night,
Watching the stars go by.
Luminous white against pitch black,
Painted the stunning sky.

I gazed at this classic marvel,
Waiting for something strange.
This night was like all the others,
Nothing seemed it would change.

But once I looked closely above,
Something looked out of place.
The stars began to move around,
Until they made a face.

I wished to dance among the stars,
And lose myself in dark.
So I could have my face up there,
For me to leave my mark.

My place was not among the stars,
My face will never shine.
But now I know how hard it was,
For someone to design.

I do not know whose face I saw,
I probably never will.
But when at night I see that face,
My life stands almost still.

Answer 1

The poem is quite lovely. I can almost see someone standing on the balcony at night admiring the beauty that only God could create and having the great desire to be lifted up in order to dance amongst the stars and find delight in being in such a glorious dwelling. Although reality brings you back to this earthly realm you can still hold on the memory of that one glorious night.

While this is a very gentle and beautiful poem there is one line that bothered me. "Nothing seemed it would change". Can you work on that please? Otherwise, you have an incredible gift for writing poetry that touches the heart. Very well done!

Answer 2

It's a bit depressing, I believe, but in a good way-- not in a I'm going to cut myself and move to new hamshire kind of way.
The only line I absolutely DETEST is "watching the stars go by". It has been used in most poems about stars. The idea of this poem is rather original, so I don't think you should use classical phrases like that in it.

Also, something that left me wondering... why CAN'T you dance amoung the stars and have you face up there? How did you find out how hard it was to design?
The sylables in the line "I probably never will" seem a little off. Read that stanza aloud and you;ll see what I mean.

Answer 3

Its pretty good.

Answer 4

i liked it!!!