How do you know if you really should try to make things work again with your exhusband or if just lonely?

Question

We have been seperated for over a year. I haven't really dated. I have young children and work full-time so not a lot of opportunity and it just seemed wrong to go out looking so soon. I'm finding myself very lonely and thinking about trying to make it work. He still wants to. The problem is that I just don't feel anything for him. I don't want to put him or the kids through on again off again. But "until death do us part", maybe I should just resign myself to letting him back and maybe the marriage won't be so empty the next time. What do you think? Help

Answer 1

Hey Sleepless,,

Yes your lonely,, but there was some pretty dang good reasons you broke up in the first place right? Since you don’t feel anything for him that will most likely never change. Getting back together “for the kids” is the worst damn reason in the world to go back. Kids are smart they know when their parents are miserable or happy !!

If he didn’t “rock your world” before,, he sure won’t rock your world this time either.

It’s been a year you should have been building a “support system” around you,,, new friends, connecting with old friends, etc… Bet you haven’t done that right ??

START NOW !! find and build new relationships reconnect with old friends (husband excluded this is obviously a “dead zone” in your head and heart) get out there do things, happiness is something that has to be worked at. You can find some great friends, and a man who will love you but you have to put some effort into it.

Everybody deserves happiness including YOU !!

p.s. You’re kids know that right now you aren’t !!

Answer 2

It's paper and pen time. Make two columns for the pluses and minuses in you and your children's lives with and without him. Give each plus and minus entry a 1-10 on importance if it was the only issue. Move some of them around, then toss it.
If you feel this way today what is going to change it. More than likely if it is unbearable today it will be 100 X that every year you are in a loveless marriage. Lonely can happen anywhere in your life at any time YOU allow it.

Answer 3

we often times don't think we feel anything for them, but love is not a feeling its a decision. u have to work on marriage, maybe the disappointment is with yourself and not so much with him. get some therapy, try to resolve what it is that's bothering u. if its just about a feeling u want or expect to feel, u won't find it in anyone as what u are describing is lust, or the honeymoon phase of a relationship, which never does last too long. your chasing some illusion that never lasts long, and may not even exist.

Answer 4

Yes, you should try again, unless he beat you or was mentally cruel or unfaithful.

Try dating again. The kids need him in their lives. You can probably learn again what you used to love about him.

Try the dating again. Don't let him move in yet. Just try.
You will know when.

Answer 5

forget about the whole marriage thing... you are jumping ahead of yourself.

why don;t you try dating him again. see if he can woo you. you shouldn't get back together because you are lonely, you should give him the chance to actually make you fall in love again.

good luck
♥