We have been friends for 6 years and never had romantic feelings for each other. Her husband told her that he cheated on her, she was devastated and we started to spend more time with each other. Somehow we started to develop romantic feelings and expressed them to one another. She's in a process of divorcing her husband, I would like to do the same because my husband deserves to be with someone who truly loves him. We both would like to live together but the problem is we both have kids and are concerned how it will affect them and the rest of our family. My husband found out about us but he still wants to stay married. What should we do? Is it possible for my best friend and I to just stay friends for our kids sake? Should I stay married to my husband even though I'm in love with someone else?
2007-03-03 04:04:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can stay married and save your family if you choose to do the right thing. However, if you choose to make your life happy then go for the person you love. But you gotta have to only choose one and sacrifice the other. I know that not being with the person you love is the most terrible thing in the world but you gotta have to consider each and everyone's feeling especially your children. The thing is, if you really think that your marriage with your husband seems not to be working anymore then you gotta tell them... they might understand but it's a big risk because you just don't know the effect on your children. Re-assess yourself. If you're sure that your best friend is the one you want to spend your life with, tell your husband eventhough he still wants to stay so he knows where he'll stand. If you decide to stay on the marriage, tell it to your best friend as soon as possible so she could move on as well and there wouldn't be someone holding her back. At least she'll also know where to stand on your life. DON'T MAKE SOMEONE HOPE FOR SOMETHING THEY COULDN'T REALLY HAVE because it's a very devastating feeling of failing to have the person you've always been hoping for. Again, choose what you think is best for you and for everyone.
Just want to share this to you...
I am someone that is getting through with a bit same thing... in my case, I am the best friend. She's married and I have a bf. Bf cheated on me and confided to her until she expressed her romantic feelings towrds me. Then I fall for her. Real hard. I knew it wasn't the right thing because I don't want to break any marriage but love tells you the different way. She wants divorse with the husband but she couldn't for some reason. Painful it was but what can I do. My bf came back and gave him a chance however my love for him wasn't there anymore. I thought doing that would make my feeling with my friend go away but it didn't. She was giving me more hope that we could be together but it seems that it isn't happening for us. I've been patient but sometimes you just have to give up... thinking she should just let me go but I dont want to wish for that. She won't let me go but it kills me knowing that we could never be possible together. If being 'just friends' is the best for us, I just have to accept it 'coz it's the way it should be.
I know some people couldn't understand these kind of things but it just happens, right? It is not an easy, fancy feeling. The reality is it's hard and painful too. And to you my friend, good luck.
2007-03-03 22:16:41 · answer #1 · answered by misscoyote 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings for your friend could just be a reactions to all the trauma in your life at the moment. If your husband is willing to stay married you need to give things time to sort out your true feelings. Like another person said, if this were another man would you be asking the same questions? How would your children handle their mother all of a sudden going into a lesbian relationship? What if you leave your husband and things go bad between you and your friend? Would you seek out the company of other women or men? Lots to think about and do not do anything rash.
2007-03-03 04:17:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's unfortunate that you moved to a new state for this. Go home, get some clarity. Relationships established over messaging and emailing always seem more intense than they are, and often fall apart after they are over. Has it occurred to you that she doesn't love you, and she realized that, however she feels like such a s**t person that she needs to tell someone how bad she feels. I imagine she went back for sex the 2nd time because she has screwed up so royally she doesn't know how to get out of it; and realizes you have these feelings that she's lost; and doesn't want to hurt you. I expect she feels guilty that you moved for her too, and I suppose it doesn't help that since you're renting from her best friend. If I were you I would get away from there fast. If you really do love her this isn't healthy, and if she is found out she will resent you anyway. She obviously doesn't want to leave/break up her family. There is always a possibility that this is a grand love affair, and if so I apologize for my harshness, I really do.... I just can't see it.
2016-03-28 22:17:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should stay married to your husband. Cheating is cheating whether how messed up your brain is or the gender of the other partner. You would become a part time parent and you would literally destroy your children. To leave your husband traumatize your children now would be incredibly selfish.
If you absolutely MUST do this, at least wait until your children have grown and moved out. Until then, your husband and children need you.
2007-03-03 04:12:26 · answer #4 · answered by Carl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are definately in a difficult situation, you need to check and see if there are any legal limitations as far as you and this woman raising your children. That way the husbands can't rear their ugly heads and try to take them. If I were you I would seek counseling from a professional. It is very noble of you to say that your husband deserves someone who truly loves him. And as far as you go, it must be really hard to love the one your "not" with. Seek professional advice, and if that dosent work, follow your heart. Life is too short to be unhappy. Sorry I can't give better advice, but this is a soul searching decision you have to make and remember that your children are the most important factor in this equation.
2007-03-03 04:14:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes stay married. Haave your girlfriend spend a weekend with your husband so as they can get to know each other. Add a room to your house for dark pursits of love, get a functioning two/three way going, any combo is ok. and hold tight. You'll need to keep a journal. Sell this load to Hollywood.
2007-03-03 04:12:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay married for the kids sake. Divorce is a horrible thing for children to experience. You don't even know if this new thing will last. Sounds like rebound.
2007-03-03 04:37:09 · answer #7 · answered by megan261980 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until you get your feelings sorted out, just do what's best for your children.
I really don't understand your question though.. It's not like anyone (including yourself) is suprised about being in love with another woman. Did you and your husband always know you liked women in romantic ways. It seems like that's the bigger issue here.
2007-03-03 04:09:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a bit late for "should". You've already begun an affair, and have decided you want to be with another person. So, file for divorce. You should end your marriage, since you are unfaithful, and love another person. As for IF you should expect your kids to live with you and your lesbian pal, why would you want to screw them up that way? It's tough enough for kids,. without deliberately doing things to make their lives harder. Decide IF you prefer being a mother, or IF your own sexual fun trumps their needs.
2007-03-03 05:03:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOUR CHILDREN MUST COME FIRST & THIS IS A PHASE FOR BOTH OF YOU SHE REBOUNDING AND IT WILL DESTROY YOUR CHILDREN LIVES FOREVER!
THEY WILL HATE YOU FOR DESTROYING THEIR WORLD, COUNT ON THAT!
To this day I will not talk to my mother for what she did!
In fact I will not have her in my home, life , or my kids life at all, and I really don't care to even see that selfish b*tch ever again and when shes dead good riddance, the world will definitely be better with her gone!
Because of her carefree attitude my sister thinks sex is a game (her words) and she's entitled to do whatever she wants even with her son present. He now lives with us and is screwed up and really hates his mother now, and we are spending our own money wife and I (she's the best) so he can get therapy. Trust me you don't want you kids calling you a "dirty C*NT" or anything else like that.
Stay married, you still love you husband, thats very CLEAR! drop contact with your best friend for a year after that if she makes contact with you tell her okey, but your married and she will have to respect that! In fact tell her that now! Now heres something you not going to like reading, The courts do not usually give custody over to homosexuals, when theres a straight parent so be prepared to lose custody if husband wants a divorce and children. Until homosexual marriage is sanctioned your just going to have to deal with that reality.
Your picking up a vibe from her and it's twisting itself around in you like a knife. Walk away before you blow your kids future and have them hate you forever.
Sorry for pouring ice cold water on you but you ask and this is how it is for us now and I'm 41, and haven't spoken , or had mother in life science 14, (27 years) and hope I never see her again for what she did and how she destroyed our family! you do the math is it worth the cheap thrill, for someone who will probably come to conclude on her own and walk away from a rebound brief lesbian sex fling?
Stay with husband and make him and your family top priority for right now ,get counseling if you need to but stay away from other woman!!!!!
SAVE YOU FAMILY, AND GOOD LUCK.
2007-03-03 04:41:35 · answer #10 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋