If husband works and wife stays at home with kids does that excuse him from ever helping around the house?

Question

Here's the deal, my husband works a 40 hour work week while I stay at home with our 2 young children. I take care of the children 24-7, do 99% of the grocery shopping (with the kids), all the laundry, 95% of the cooking, and all the cleaning. The only things he feels like he should be responsible for is taking the trash to the dump on weekends, mowing the grass in the summer, cleaning his stuff up in the garage and bathing the kids occasionally. What's your opinion, Does he have a right to complain if the house isn't always tidy? Or if he needs a particular pair of pants that are in the laundry at the moment?

I should add that he doesn't want me to go to work because I would barely make enough to cover day care, plus the benefits of them being at home with me.

Answer 1

Try sitting him down and splitting the work to where he does 50% of the work and you do 50% of the work. Plus if he refuses then try revealing him to an award of some kind if he does his share.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say he has the right to complain, he should have a little empathy and understanding for what you do at home. But you should also have empathy and understanding for what he does at work and realize that 1) he has a job, he gets up in the morning and sits in traffic, works 8 hours a day, sits in more traffic, then comes home. That's his JOB. 2) You have a job, you cook and clean, do the grocery shopping, and take care of the kids and household. The fact is, you cant get a job that would support the household, and I tell my wife this same thing all of the time, if you could then I say trade. That way you would understand what it's like to go to work about a third of your entire life, almost. And he would understand what it's like to be home with the kids. Then you both can sit down and talk about what you've learned. Personally after 8 years of being the guy that brings home the bacon, I wouldn't mind being at home with the kids. I'd enjoy the vacation. TRUST ME, you don't really want to trade, so be adults about it and talk it out. There can be a sharing of responsibilities, but understand that you can't expect too much from him. He's keeping a roof over your head and food on your table and unless you can do the same, you NEED to respect that. No offense.

Answer 3

I stay at home and my hubby works. I think on his days off, I should get some help because when you are a homemaker you don't have "days off". Even if its letting me take a 30 mintue shower with no interruptions. I feel on the days he works, he should get to come home and relax in a clean home. I cook, do laundry, and clean. The thing that keeps me from getting bitter I think is, he helps me out. We have 3 kids and we ALL go grocery shopping every week. He does trash, he helps me do dishes after dinner sometimes, and he NEVER complains about how our home looks. The kids and I have lazy day on Saturdays. So sometimes when he gets home the dishes won't be done and the kids and I have been in pajamas all day, but it is no big deal. We just live life. It is too short to get caught up in who did the dishes or who took out the trash. It is a partnership. I feel I am a homemaker and that it is my job. He goes to work everyday. He doesn't expect me to clean the house then go to work for him. Like I said though, I am lucky in the sense that if I ask him for help, he is right there helping. Maybe if you just talk to your husband and let him know you need help sometimes. I would also let him know that when he complains about how the house looks, it bothers you. If my hubby complained, I wouldn't clean for a week! LOL! Like I said it is a partnership. I bet there are days where he is not "his best" while at work! Just talk to him, that is all you can do!

Answer 4

I am also a stay at home mom with 2 under three! I o 100% of the work at home, cooking, cleaning, kids, everything is done by me! Too top it off my husband doesn't work AT ALL and still complains that sumthing isn't clean enough to his liking. I tell him if he wants it cleaner do it himself. Must not be too important for him cause he never cleans anything! Your husband has no right ot be mad at you. You do the best you can with your time. If he didn't finish everything at work in one day should his boss ***** to him about it. No no one can do everything everyday!
Be glad though that at least he is doing sumthing! But tell him to back off a bit. If he doesn't understand spend a weekend away from home and let him handle things see how clean he can get the place!

Answer 5

Hello. Yeah, your husband is a prick. I work 40++ hours a week. I cook, clean, wash the kids (well one of them that's 2, the others are 5, 7, 8.) So whatever. If your husband thinks he works so hard that he doesn't have to do anything around the house, he's an idiot. And if you decide to divorce him in the near future, then he got what he had coming to him for being such a prick. You're husband ain't all that dear.

Answer 6

No he doesn't have the right to complain if the house isn't always tidy...when he does hand him a dust rag and the vacumn cleaner and then tell him that you felt it was more important to spend time with HIS CHILDREN and helping to guide them to be good citizens. When he NEEDS a paricular par of pants that are in the laundry point him in the direction of the washing machine.

As for your working /day care costs...ever thought of working an evening shift? This would ease the cost of day care considerably. That is what my ex and I did...we were able to purchase a nice home, as well as some small luxuries (a second car for me) our daughter was home with me during the day and with her father in the evening with just an hour of "day care" in between

Answer 7

Being a stay-at-home mom is a 24/7 job, that 168 hours a week. Your husband works 40 hrs a week. He should be help you at least to maybe dry the dishes, or fold the laundry, or cook occasionally if only just to make you happy

Answer 8

This was my life my husband never did anything around the house except mow the lawn I took out the trash and put out those said cans every Wednesday (wait a minute I still do it)! I think he should help out more around the house letting him get away with just mowing the lawn and bathing the kids once in awhile is a crime! You are not his personal maid and chief bottle-washer! My husband is now my EX And I mow the lawn But I got the House!

Answer 9

Look, although a majority of the household should be ur responsibility.. u are both a team, and he should be helping out here and there, which to me sounds like he is doing maybe not on a regular bases, but he is.. Who "wants" to come home from working all day and "wants" to put in more hours cleaning house? very few people..

And he does have to realize that ur job is 24/7 365 days a year, where he does actually get days off from work here and there, and u too have the right to take days off as well..

IF your keeping up with most of the chores of the house, then he should be helping out with the little things..

My father, had 5 kids, he worked full time, went to school part time.. , he made time for us kids, and in 25 years that him and my step mother have been married, never once has she "had" to do dishes after dinner, she helps my father with the dishes, but he's the one that jumps up and does the dishes..not because he asked him to, but because he feels if she cooked, he should atleast help her clean up. My father takes care of the yard, thats always been his job so to speak around the house, but he also helps inside the house when he's done, by simply asking my mom if theres something she needs him to do for her.. They are a partnership.. and he respects her as wife, and mother, and the fact that she does do so much for him, and the same respect is given back from her to him..

It is extremely hard taking care of two little ones, and getting everything perfect.. as when children are little they need alot of adult supervision, more so then when they start becoming of school age, and they never seem to want to do the same thing at the same time, do they?. one naps at this time, the other naps when they feel like it lol.. they both dont sleep till 8 one gets up at 6, the other gets up at 8..

Hun i know the problems ur going through, ur feeling overwhelmed, and u feel as though ur not getting much support from your husband, ur not the first woman to feel this way and u wont be the last.. I spent the first 4 years of my sons life (they are 1 year apart) , putting them to bed at 8 or 9 and staying up till midnight or 1 actually cleaning up the house.. so atleast when i woke up in the a.m. the house was clean..

Your husband does need to take a bigger role when he's home, even if its atleast watching the kids so u can get things done.. but u do need to realize ur not going through anything that any other house wife/mother hasnt been through before..its the sacrafices we make, of being both, we sacrafice our sanity..lol..

And if ur husband wants to treat ur as a "worker" with a job, start charging him rates of a "housekeeper" , "nanny", "Cook" and a "laundry mat" if he wants to treat u like this is a job, and critize u for it, then start charging him as if u were his "employee"..

Answer 10

I myself am a stya at home mother of our two kids, my husband works 40 hrs a week also. The only thing I expect him to do is take out the trash, and help me with the boxers- our two dogs. I dont feel he should have to clean the house after working all week, he does enough everyday, not saying we dont, b/c we have a hard job also, but you can see where I'm coming from right?

Answer 11

It sounds to me like your husband has a very leave it to beaver attitude about marriage. It's time to bring him into the 21st century and explain to him that just bc he's the breadwinner of the family doesn't excuse him from taking advantage of you. I bet he'd reevaluate what's expected of him if you let the idea slip of getting a part time job! Insteadof letting him walk on you, tell him to do something, don't ask him. Men see u being polite and 'suggesting' or 'asking' as a don't have to or do it in a while. If that doesn't work then I suggest he fork over the money to have a maid service come once a week so you can have some fun family time!Good Luck!