Do I Have a Personality Disorder?

Question

I mean this question very seriously and after a lot of self-reflection. To begin, I am a 19 year old female college student. I prefer to be by myself, in fact, I get incredibly anxious and desperate if I'm around other people too long. I feel utterly alone and suffer from the paranoia that other people can automatically SEE that I'm weird and not normal. I fret over my appearance constantly and feel wherever I go like I am being perceived in an ugly manner (this isn't just self consciousness, this is feeling like I am "marked"). I don't understand "attractiveness" between men and women, I rarely see anyone I'm attracted to. Even if I am, I feel no desire or drive to get intimate with them. I am NEVER emotionally engaged during a conversation with people (I do have a wide range of feelings, however), it seems like I am interacting with them, but with this higher consciousness watching all of it. I am never just in the moment. I am always "watching" myself and the other person.

People also seem to get the impression from me, in my conversations and responses, that I am defensive or angry or offended by something... when in actuality I am not at all offended and might even be joking light-heartedly with them. This has been a constant in my life, a constant perception of me by others. I have monitored my tone of voice, expression, but can't seem to pinpoint exactly why this is.

If I am ever turned on by something, it has tones of violence or control to it... Though I can't say I like anything like BDSM or so on.... I know I sound like a freak, but I really have no interest in hurting or killing anyone or anything. Never have. What's wrong with me?

Answer 1

sounds like social anxiety....

Answer 2

Yeah probably social anxiety. To find out what exact disorder you have (sry I am not that great with fancy shmancy psych lingo), take this personality test at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
Or you could find another one to take (just do a google search).
Regarding your problem, I relate to you in many ways and I totally see where you are coming from. However, if we worry too much about how the people see us, it'll get us nowhere. Think about it, no matter how normal/perfect we are/try to be, there will always be something weird about us. Heck if people want to judge you, they'll do it regardless of who you are, so y bother trying to be the most normal/perfect person ever. I give you an example: Before when I used to go to parties, i got soooooooo nervous, like how i looked, how i dressed etc. Add that to the fact that I am a non-drinker, it only made things worse for me. But, to overcome this all I did was be myself and bam everything seemed normal. I kn this is an overused saying, to say the least, but being yourself in front of others is what allows you to be able to "fit" in with them, so to speak. Any time you are in a setting surrounded by many people just relax, and take a deep breath. And smiling can make a difference between being the highlight of an event to being a total outcast. If someone looks down on you cuz of the way u are then screw them. There'll also be others who' will look UP to you just cuz of the way you are. Don't be too hard on yourself; and think of what makes you the "you", and be proud of that. No need to fret about yourself.

Answer 3

First let me say you are not weird. This sounds allot like Social Anxiety Disorder. Lots of young women have this. You are in college and this is all new territory.I would recommend that you talk to a guidance counselor at school you may need to see a Psychiatrist for medications for this problem. Then get into talk therapy and or group therapy. Believe me you life will become much easier with meds and talk therapy!

Answer 4

I do believe that we project certain "energies" from ourselves and that some people pick up on this better than others. If we spend too much time in our own worlds we tend to be a bit limited. The solution is step out of the self. Do something for someone to enhance (even just a small part) of their lives. This alone can open up doors to ourselves that are so easy to overlook. Smile more, force yourself (if necessary) to be friendlier. Compliments are huge. "A little fragrance always clings to the hand that gives flowers". Oh and be thankful that you're not arrogant. True?

Answer 5

It sound to me that you may have avoidant personality disorder. These people withdraw from most social situations because of feelings of inadequecy and fears of rejections. In social situations, they are nervous and inhibited and often feel like they are always being watched and judged. These people also tend to be have creative and intellectual hobbies that do not require other people to be enojyed. Go here to see if you really fit the official diagnostic criteria:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder

Answer 6

See if your college offers counselling. This sounds like social anxiety that could be worked on with some therapy.