I have been seperated from my husband for two years. Our then 6 year old was diagnosed with Autisim. And when we were told he will never be independant, my husband left us.
He hadn't seen the child in 14 months and had decided to start seeing him again three weeks ago. Today I droped the boy off at his grandmothers home to see his dad, and dad has brought his girlfriend with him for the weekend. Does anyone think this is OK? I do not feel it is moral, and certainly not fair to an autistic child who is confused about the break up all ready. Please help me know what is right.
2007-03-03 02:22:37 · 8 answers · asked by sunkissed 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Choose your battles. It is good that he is back in his childs life and I agree with the previous answer that it may have been HER that encouraged it. You never know.. she may be a good person to be around your child. My own husband just started being consistant with his own children (ages 4 and 6 at the time) 2 months before I met him and he has been consistant for almost 4 years now. I know I helped to make that possible because I am always here for the kids whether he can be or not (because of work). Give her a chance. My step-son was diagnosed with Aspergers (he is almost 8 now) and we are VERY close. He obsessed with sports and him and I play together all summer and watch baseball together. Don't limit your childs experiences with other people.
2007-03-03 04:56:02 · answer #1 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not bad for austistic children to be exposed to strangers, infact, there is an argument for it! I'm sure you've read about therapies that can help children with autism, particularly asperger's, it seems like torture at the time and the child will scream, but babying and sheltering a child with this disorder won't help at all! Let real life happen.
2007-03-03 02:39:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may be confusing to the child, but that is with any child not just a child with autism. If he is dating now its high time to get to divorce court and get the divorce finalized. It will be hard but the break needs to be done legally.
If this new person is going to be around for a while it could be wonderful for your child. You never know but she may be the one that convinced him he needs to see his child.
2007-03-03 02:38:51 · answer #3 · answered by chellyk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st of all, i would be more upset over the 14 months of not seeing my child, more so then bringing a gf into the picture..autistic children, need routine, and when the routine is disrupted, thats when its more hurtful to them. More so then bringing new people into his life..My best friend has a child who is autistic.. and he doesnt like change to his routine.. he likes his things, he likes his routine, and it takes him awhile to get use to anything that is out of his routine.. people dont seem to bother him so much, if he isnt use to u, for the most part your ignored because your not a "part" of "HIS" world.. and although ur not divorced yet.. its not like your husband just left u yesterday and is bringing another woman around your child, u havent lived as husband and wife for some time.. and it was bound to happen sooner or later.. and id be willing to bet that u've introduced ur child to new people in the last 14 months, whether their men or women, whether they were just friends or not.. same same, he has no right to dictate to u , who u introduce your child to, nor do u have the right to dictate to him who he introduces him to.. as long as he's not neglecting him, and not putting him in harms way by having her around..theres nothing u can do about it... If it was a male friend.. just someone your husband had over for a few hours while ur son was there u wouldnt be having such a problem with it.. Ur having a problem cause your jealous..plain and simple..again its been over a year, its not like its the first weekend after the break up.. u should be greatful he waited this long to do it.. as most men will do it right off the bat, my x husband brought his new gf that he left me and our children for.. on his very first weekend visit, a week after he left.. now that was wrong.. because the children had zero time to even get use to the fact that mommy and daddy arent together anymore.. your child has had over a year to realize that..
And it doesnt surprise me that ur husband left shortly after finding out ur son is autistic.. My son was very sick, and had a liver transplant, and my husband left too, for some men they cant handle having a child that isnt "perfect" and they run away instead of owning up to the responsibilities of it.. the stress is to much for them to handle..
Only advice i can give to u.. is to stay calm about this matter.. promote a relationship between your son and his father.. because men like my x husband, and ur soon to be x.. they tend to not stick around very long.. they only do it when its convient for them.. so let him have the time he can have with his dad, because id be willing to bet, that ur soon to be x.. wont be around for long.. these are the kinds of men that will drift in and out of their responsibilities.. when They feel like it.. so i doubt he'll be in your sons life much .. so let your son have the little he can get.. as he does love his father.. but dont depend on his father for anything..because he'll be the type that floats in and out ..
good luck..
2007-03-03 02:52:14 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have been separated for 2 years. It is time for both you to get on with your lives. I personally don't see a problem as long as this girlfriend is going to be around for the long term. However with that said. Get a divorce and get on with life.
2007-03-03 02:28:20 · answer #5 · answered by goldensparkler61 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What isn't moral about it? You are divorcing the child's father. He has the right to move on with his life and have a girlfriend. He has the right to see his child...he has the right to have his girlfriend with him when he sees his child...You don't get to dictate his visitations just because you are jealous.
2007-03-03 07:11:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You cannot control anyone but yourself so quit trying to run his life. As long as he's not hurting the child, forget it.
You think it's emotionally harmful to your child but that's just your opinion and you're not being objective. Discuss it with your child's doctor, how to help your child adjust, but learn to live with it.
2007-03-03 02:33:52 · answer #7 · answered by Gentle Giant 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
idont think he was right in bringing girlfriend, mostly because he hasnt seen child in so long.
2007-03-03 02:50:14 · answer #8 · answered by thepainter 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋