How does a man,divorced after a 17yr marriage (cheating wife)trust women so he can have a normal relationship?

Question

i'm dating a great girl right now ,but i always seem to find myself looking over her shoulder,snooping,and digging for info on her. She has never given me a reason to not trust her,but i've been fooled before and i don't ever want those feelings and shock of finding out the person you loved betrayed you.I'm scared of them

Answer 1

By realizing that not every person is untrustworthy. Sadly, you(and I), had a long term marriage, and thought things were OK, or even good. Then, the poop hit the fan, and we both ended up divorced. Sucks big time. But, it wasn't "women" it was people. Because our wives slept with other guys. So, it's a male and female problem. OK. Now, you can stay alone, bitter, and untrusting. That way, you won't be hurt by another woman. But, is it worth it to be safe, by giving up on marriage? To "settle" for safe? It does work, I'm sure, but life isn't, and never has been "safe". And, life shouldn't be safe. Life, and marriage is both an adventure and a journey. So, tell yourself that you married the wrong woman, and live your life. But, don't rule out marriage. I found out my ex was cheating, after 17 years of marriage. I'm remarried now, and we'll celebrate 15 years in June. My life today is better than I ever expected. Your life, from this point on, is up to you. So, choose to have the faith in people to take another shot, assuming you meet another woman you care about. You might end up as amazingly lucky as me. Look at this as a new opportunity, a chance to meet the woman that can actually be your life partner- and now, you have the advantage of meeting mature women, who are adult, and have experienced enough life to understand the things that matter.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear that your ex-wife cheated on you. No matter how hurt you are, you must stand up and fight against your emotions. Life is too short for us to keep hovering over infidelity issues. Yea,it's always easier said than done. Be a strong man and do not let an unfaithful wife wins you over. You were doing the right thing by divorcing her but that doesn't mean all women are the same. Find out if another woman prefers to be with a divorcee before you start falling in love with her. If you find it hard to trust another woman after what had happened, I suggest that you put your trust in God and His provision for you. He'll surely provide you with a faithful and good wife if you ask Him in prayers.
On your part, you gotta put in effort in building this trust with a woman. A woman is unlikely to be unfaithful if everything goes right in the marriage. So examine yourself first and ask yourself if you've ever done something that could cause a woman to be unfaithful.

Answer 3

I have been that way and still am. Not as bad but it scared me so bad that I always find myself wondering if someone is cheating. Like this morning, my husband left for work and forgot his cell phone, instead of me thinking that it was an accident, I right away thought, OH this is so I don't know if he is really at work. He hasn't given me any reason to think that he would do anything but thats the way I think. The difference now is I don't drive to the jobs to check up and things like that. I figure if he does cheat and I catch him, its over! But I find myself expecting it to happen. I feel for you, What is normal, I don't know.

Answer 4

Well just to make a quick statement i been married 18 years and my Husband has cheated on me... and the only way to forgive and forget about it is not to bring up the past... if you think that every woman will do the same thing then you'll never be happy ..you have to treat each person individually ... Just because one person messed up doesn't mean all do.. if you go into a new relationship thinking that way it will never work my dear.... remember she's NOT your cheating wife whoever she's gonna be

Answer 5

My first husband cheated on me and left me for another woman. You just need to be confident and try not to snoop unless you really feel that something is not right. You need to trust this women otherwise you will be hurting this relationship. I am remarried and have no reason not to trust my husband. He comes home after work and is with me every single weekend.

Answer 6

I'm sorry for what has happened. Having a cheating spouse is a very difficult challenge to work through. Leaving a 17 year marriage...is a huge shift to work through. But...you can and you will do it.

I know it sounds corny to suggest a book...but in all honesty...there is a fabulous book that helps so, so much in a case such as yours. It is an easy read and written by 2 men who know how to lay it on the line and not pussyfoot around. It's called:

"How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days: A Day-by-Day Guide to Saying Good-bye and Getting On With Your Life" by Howard Bronson and Mike Riley

Simply superb. It helped myself and others immensely.

As I have suggested before...you will know you are ready for the dating world when your conversations don't revolve around your ex. When you can focus on how you've worked through the pain, you've made some decisions about how you want your life to be from now on....and very importantly...that you can focus on the lady in front of you with an open heart.

It is far too easy to be a whooa-is-me...she done me wrong...all women suck...kinda guy. If you do that you are just indulging yourself in a pity party...because honey.....there are tons and oodles of women who do not cheat. Period! What you need to be able to do at some point...is be able to look back at your relationship and see where problems existed in order for things to go sour. Even IF it was all about her character and she was all bad...(ahem) then you need to realize that YOU chose her in the first place....so you can say hey...my intuition knew there was a problem but I didn't honor my little voices inside telling me something was off. Then...you accept this...and make a decision to honor those voices next time.

But it takes two to tango...so chances are...without getting all into blame and depression...look at what voids were missing in your relationship. Not to blame or hate...but to seek to understand and learn so that you will hopefully be happier in your next relationship.

Get out of yourself. Do all you can to make friendships with women. Hang out with the guys (without trashing women!!). Trust is a choice...and you can open up again. Otherwise...you will be jealous and bitter and that is not the least bit attractive honeychild!

One day at a time...you will get through this and someone wonderful will come along. Please consider the book or at least very short term counseling to deal with the loss and feelings of bitterness/shame/anger etc.

Best of happiness to you. It's not easy...but you can get through it. There is a reason for everything...and hopefully you will find the sunshine in many areas of your life.

Answer 7

Counselling, a few one night stands, and not focusing on getting a replacmenet relationship immediately, but instead on getting yourself a fulfilling and fun lifestyle.

Do yourself a favour and take advantage of all the modern dating tools that were not around in the 80's like online and speed dating etc.

And remember the next woman you sleep with probably won't be the last.

Answer 8

You have to realize that all women are not your ex-wife.
I would get some counseling if I were you. It can really help to sort out your feelings and resolve the anger and hurt that you are feeling.
Time will also help with this, don't date until you are ready. You need to deal with your feelings about you past relationship before you can start a new one.

Answer 9

Same as every woman whose had a cheating husband. It's not a gender thing. Some people are good, some bad. That's the way of the world. Choose wisely.

Answer 10

NEVER trust Women!
NEVER!
and there is NO normal relationships with Women, because of their screwed up minds, believe me, I'm 48 years old and have NOT yet found a Woman that's "normal" in her mind - NOT ONE!
My advise is that you play the field - there's alot of Women out there, why be with just one?
Be true to yourself, but trust NO woman again!
You'll be happier in the long run and don't let ANY Woman tell you any different that what a Man can tell you, especially about Women! I'm telling you Man to Man, Dude!
Appreciate Women for all they are, here to serve Men, because it's a Man's World!
Once you understand that, Dude, then you'll be OK!
F E A !!!! I'll tell you later what that means!