I had a miscarriage and had a d&c today. I do have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and this was my second pregnancy. I am absolutly devastated. Any advice on how to deal with this?
2007-03-02 22:31:27 · 13 answers · asked by soxy 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I'm so sorry sweetheart, i just went through the same thing- My son is 16 months old and I was pregnant with my 2nd and lost it about 2 weeks ago. It is so hard, but you can get through this! It was so hard the first few days, I just kept crying. But then one day my son came in and said "Mommy? Mama, mama mama" and climbed up into the bed with me and just laid with me for a little while. I thought about how i need to be strong for him, and even though I lost one, I still have this beautiful baby boy who still needs me and loves me, and I give him my all.
I also make sure I talk out my feelings with my husband, he was devastated too even though he didn't want to show it or talk about it for a few days. Now we talk about it and how we're handling it today. We for sure are going to try again, but we want to let my body heal and be in optimum shape for the next one.
Take some time for yourself daily and just think, breathe, relax, smile. Take a quiet bath after your baby is in bed, in the dark, just by candlelight. Let go of everything and just enjoy yourself right at that moment. Don't worry about anything, don't think at all about the miscarriage, or anything, Just let it all go. When your done, you'll feel a little bit lighter, and a bit more prepared to tackle another day.
You are doing so well just by making the first step and reaching out for help! Miscarriages run in my family and my sister was helped by researching why it happened, and that they are 'blessings in disguise" and it is just because something couldn't develop normally and it wasn't at all her fault. It isn't your fault either.
Let your body heal, and take good care of yourself, emotionally, physically and give yourself some time, and then plan for another baby. Look forward to that time when you will have a healthy and happy full term pregnancy! You are doing so well already, you will come out of it, and do just fine.
2007-03-02 22:44:54 · answer #1 · answered by lynn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I miscarried my first child and the doctor was a complete pig about it all. Then when carrying my middle son I found that I had miscarried a non identical twin. At the time I was devastated by the whole experience, but that was over 18 years ago and I now have 3 beautiful children who I would not part with for anything. I look back on my miscarriages and while I would not wish it on anyone and would rather not have had the experience, I remind myself that without these horrible events I would not have the three children I have now. Things happen for a reason and to change any of it would change who my children are. In time you may feel the same.
2007-03-02 22:37:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry for your loss Soxy. I have had two miscarriages in the last two years. The first ended around 8 weeks. My second happened in October. I was five months along. I can relate to your devastation. I was able to get through my hard times by focusing on my daughter, who is four now. I thanked god everyday for the gift that I was able to have in her and my husband. Having a great support system also helps. If you feel yourself really getting low, please talk to your doctor. I am a person who feels they must b"estrong" and hide their feelings. I ended up in the ER with a panic attack after my second miscarriage. Keep in mind that loosing a child through miscarriage is as real as loosing a grandmother or friend. It was a life that you carried inside of you. Make sure you take the time to grieve. Devastation, self blame, and anger are all apart of that process. I found it helpful to take some me time after a few weeks. Pamper yourself and remind yourself that you are a strong woman and can get yourself through anything. Finding things in the mean time to help "busy" your mind for periods of time will help you get through the hump. Don't over do it though....you still want to allow sad time. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to those who have had similar experiences. No one knows how it feels to go through this particular loss unless you've been there. Good luck in your future. There will be better times ahead.....I promise!
2007-03-02 23:40:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Have been thru 5 misscarriages and lost twins at birth so I know how you feel. Your loss will always be there but get easier to handle in time. I am so sorry you had to go thru this. They told me that when this happens the baby wasnt well, and I found peace in knowing my baby was not going to have to suffer.
What i did, and to some it may sound stupid. I took the Ultra sound pic, and anything papers that I might have had with it, Like Dr. reciepts ect and put them in a box.... Then I wrote the baby a letter telling it how much I loved it, and was so hurt that I could be with it, I named it, You dont have to know the sex to do this.... just chose one , give it a name I put pics of the other child/ children that I had in the box. and tied or tape the box shut. I put it in the top of my closet.
It was the only way I could deal.
If you need to talk I will be more then happy to listen anytime. If you need me to call to actually talk I can do that as well just email me. Again I am so sorry for your loss.
Check into a support group they can offer great support also. And if you start to have deeper thoughts of depression which is VERY normal Please call your DR. right away and be honest with how you are feeling.
He can help you. And remember a misscarriage is NOT YOUR FAULT. Even though some hospitals label them as abortions.... I certainly hope they have changed that by now. When I had my first one and the dr refered to it as my spontainious abortion I was mortified !
2007-03-02 23:09:57 · answer #4 · answered by tammer 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've had a miscarriage and 5 months later had an eptopic pregnancy resulting in keyhole surgery to remove my right fallopian tube. I was ripped, and seeing babies now still makes me ache for my own. I dont have any other children. But i believe that all things happen when they're meant to, so when Im ready to have children I will. No-one can tell you how your meant to feel after your miscarriage or how to deal with it as everyone deals with it differently. Cry if you need to, talk if you need to. Hope time makes you stronger to deal with this sad time. All the best
2007-03-02 22:47:47 · answer #5 · answered by Kristy B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Nothing can prepare you for it, and it just plain sucks.
This may sound weird, but I took a strange comfort in knowing that it's common. I couldn't begin to tell you how many women came up to me and shared their own stories of miscarriage. It's like this morbid rite of passage that no one should have to go through but everybody does.
My husband also played a song that summed up everything I was feeling and gave me hope to look forward. I can't listen to the song now without crying because it takes me back to that horrible day, but it still means a great deal to me, and it still serves as a way to get through it. It's called "The Heart of Life" by John Mayer (from his new album Continuum). I have no idea what inspired him to write the song, but it definitely works. I've posted a link to the lyrics below, but it's a whole lot better when cranked into your headphones in a dark room. Best wishes for the future. :)
2007-03-04 16:31:46 · answer #6 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, my wife had a D&C a few years back, and while she was pregnant, i told EVERYBODY that i was having a baby. I was ripped apart when we found out my wife had to get the procedure. So what my wife and i did was talk about it, we honestly believe that everything "happens for a reason" and i really think financially at the time, we werent financially ready to support a child. since we waited for a while to try again....i got orders to japan(i am in the military), my wife and i settled in, I got a promotion, deployed, made more money, tried to have another baby, and now have a beautiful healthly girl who is about to turn 2 next month. spoiled little rascal......I am very sorry for your loss, and hope everything works out for you. keep your head up!!
2007-03-03 00:10:48 · answer #7 · answered by khjunior1980 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry for your loss. I miscarried my first pregnancy back in July 06. I found the 'pregnancy and infant loss' support group at pregnancy.org very helpful. The women there are very understanding and it's nice to talk to people who have knowledge of what you've been through. Here is the link: http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=186
Also, please know that you should take as much time as you need to mourn. I hope the link helps and again, I'm sorry for your loss.
2007-03-02 22:43:10 · answer #8 · answered by Bridget V 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I cannot believe that insensitive answer above that said 'yawn.' It made me sick when I saw it. Your pain is real and should be respected and mourned. For great support, go to dailystrength.org and type miscarriage in the search box.
2007-03-02 22:43:48 · answer #9 · answered by molly mo 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Although, I have never had a miscarriage, I know how I would feel if I had one. I think going to a therapy session might help you. I'm so sorry for your loss, dear.
2007-03-02 22:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by greylady 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋