Is it selfish of me to be hurt when i ask my husband if he ever wakes up in the middle of the night and desire

Question

I asked my husband if he ever wakes up in the middle of the night horny and desire to make love to me, he promptly replied with a "no"? His reasons being: he doesnt wake up, although he wakes up to go to the bathroom, or wakes up to come looking for his wife should she not be in bed with him, he says he is tired alot and needs his sleep, that is why we never have had sex in the middle of the night unless i come to bed and initiate it. It doesnt even happen on the weekends when he doesnt have to get up to go to work. btw...we have been married for almost 4yrs.We have only made love 3 times in the afternoon, and twice in the morning. and i had to talk him into quickies, says he doesnt like them cuz he wants to let the feeling last as long as he can? i told him well if we had more it wouldnt b an issue.as long as i go to bed with him at 10pm everynight then he is pefectly happy but when i do he rarely initates anything his idea of romance is rolling over and sticking his thumb up my ..?

Answer 1

I dont think you should be hurt that he doesnt want you in the middle of the night....that just means that your bodies are on different schedules. I dont wake up in the middle of the night wanting my husband so he shouldnt be hurt by my lack of desire in the middle of the night.

You should be more concerned about his lack of attentiveness. He doesnt seem to pay you the attention that you need morning, noon, OR night. It is important for both members of a couple to be on the same page or someone will end up getting hurt. You have to talk to him, and find a nonconfrontational way to do it. When you do _______, it makes me feel ______. It is a great tool. For example, When you dont make love to me in the daytime, it makes me feel unattractive...as if it has to be dark to touch me. orrrr....When you just stick it in with no forplay, I feel like you dont respect my feelings and desires. Something along those lines....feel free to elaborate. The point of the "when you do this, I feel this" is that he cant argue with your feelings...he can argue facts of the situation, but he cant tell you what you feel. Also, you have identified what it is that you are having the problem with. And when you open a dialogue, LISTEN to him, and use language like "I understand what you are saying." Try repeating back what he is saying....like "so you are saying that when I wake you up and want to make love you feel like I am not respecting your need for sleep."

I have taught my husband to use this language, and makes talking so much easier. I used to hold things inside because the other person didnt understand or would argue with me. Now, I can get my feelings heard without anyone getting hurt.

I wish you the best!

Answer 2

You need to sort this out, my husband wakes up in the middle of the night and that is when we have some of the most intimate sex as we are both half asleep and ourselves. Why not watch a porno together or ask him what type of things he would like.
Maybe he just doesn't have a high sex drive or use to have problem getting it to stay up and is afraid of you finding out.
Spend time touching and kissing with no pressure of sex and see if that helps.. Best of luck.

Answer 3

making love can't be in a certain time. it comes from desire and also of feeling love to ur partner. some persons enjoying doing that more at the night it makes them feel more romance. But there is no a certain time to do that.
choose a proper time and speak to him in that point, perhaps he has his point of view that u can undersatnd or even change it by talking to him.
Try to be beautiful as much as u can and don't ask for that directly when u need to make love. Men almost refuse that declaration, they want always to be wanted not to be asked, that may make them lost their desire.

Answer 4

He does not sound like the romantic type.Thats to bad because you are one or a rare breed who likes to be woke up in the middle of the night and he does not know what he is missing.Sometime when he gets up to go to the bathroom start fondling him when he comes back and see if that changes his mind or maybe he will learn something.Wish I had a lady like you.Good Luck

Answer 5

Seems to me, you should be talking to your husband, not a bunch of strangers on yahoo. And oh that is very romantic sticking his thumb up your ***. Well, I do have some empathy for you. This situation would truly suck, however, you need to sit him down and explain this to him. He really may not know how serious this is to you. Keep in mind, men and women do think differently. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 6

Some people go into a deep sleep and it is rather hard to wake them up. It is not all up to him to make the romance happen if he doesn't do it then try it yourself. If he still refuses talk to him about getting marriage counceling.

Answer 7

No it's not selfish, when a married couple aren't having sex usually, either they're both very busy, but in your case, only 1 doesn't want to have sex, which can indicate problems in his life, his desire for another woman/man, or something more serious .... you need to talk to him..

Answer 8

If a man has no desire for sex with a woman, he's probably a clcoseted homosexual who doesn't even realize it, or is in denial about it. he should see a therapist to help sort through his issues. Or it could be a medical problem - he should see a doctor for blood tests.

Answer 9

Get on top of him when hes asleep and has morning wood. The ride it.

This should wake him up to a pleasant surprise.

Answer 10

there could be a lot going on here. It could be because he is not attracted to you. Or, it could be he watches too much porn and he does not know how to seduce a real woman.