Am I a bad husband (person)?

Question

Ever since my wifes brest cancer, I have had an increasing problem making love to her. She used to have beautiful breast, but now there is only scare tissue. For a long time I didn't tell her how I felt about it. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut, but she asked me why we always do it doggie style and I confessed what a turn off the frontal view it is for me. She says I'm insensitive. I reminded her of all the years I tried to get her to stop smoking. She did finally quit after being diagnosed. Now she says she doesn't want to have sex with me unless I can face her with the lights on. It's like it has to be her way or no way. I feel that if she cared about our relationship, she wouldn't be so stubborn and would want to work around this problem. Should I divorce? We havn't touched each other for almost three months.

Answer 1

Are you for real? You would divorce your wife because she no longer has a breast? What a jerk!! Your wife needs to know that she is still a woman in every aspect and you are only thinking of yourself how selfish. You would be doing her a favor by divorcing her so she can find someone that can truly love all of her.

Answer 2

Why did you marry this lady in the first place was it just for looks or you actually looked deeper than appearance? You can't just go off of someone you care about and want to divorce just because the sex isn't right, it just makes you seem a little selfish, you are meant to be there for her through these tough times, imagine this: You got some sort of disease on your penis and you suddenly had to get chunks taken out and it looked awfully scarred and terrible, would you want your wife go and divorce you or stick by you, and also you would feel self consious, this is probably the way your wife feels. So how would you feel.

Answer 3

u must to understand her that she have a cancer.. listen to her she is different now believe me it's hard... do what she telling u... if she want the light on.. in the middle put the light off she will not say anything believe me..
and don't say the word divorce again.. because if u dare to tell her that she will lost hope and u will lose..
don't do like silly people do every problem they get divorce can't handle small problems in these days..
look do what she telling u, and tell her why u doing that.. be open to her let she talk what inside her heart... dear give her chance to be the guide... good luck

Answer 4

before everything, in case your spouse become, on your definition, "warm" earlier she received 25 kilos, then, except she is 5 ft tall, she isn't "heavy". yet, i do no longer imagine that is unreasonable that you need to make certain her to seem as if she did once you first met her. It become that initial charm that even allowed the first communique to commence. Does that advise that i do not imagine you need to love your spouse besides? truly no longer. If she is your most suitable buddy and also you imagine the international of her, then her 25 pound weight benefit might want to no longer count number. i imagine in case you opt for to help her get decrease back to a healthful weight then you definately opt for to stroll mutually with her, try no longer to ask for or carry fat and calorie ridden nutrition contained in the homestead and probably maximum critically, communicate over mutually with her about her thoughts and what would properly be occurring in her head (do merely not element out the load element in case you're conversing about her existence!!! it will be counter effective, i imagine). solid success!! i'm hoping all works out for the both one in each of you, i imagine that there is tremendous love between you, do not enable it slip away!!

Answer 5

Sounds like you would have liked to see her DEAD instead of losing her boob your an idiot Get some help for your self I'm feel so sorry for your wife you know often cancer comes back So you might be rid of her yet Also I wander if she could have breast implants if so buy them for her. You know if it was you who was scarred I bet she be there for you.

Answer 6

I think you must be a very shallow person if you can't accept your wife the way she is and i feel sorry for the poor girl.
If you truly loved her i would have thought you'd just be glad she survived the cancer
she's right you are insensitive!!
Paul

Answer 7

ok i not a women, but a married man,ok,,, now to try my best to,answer your question,,,,,,First she your wife ok, an you did not married her for her boobs, are i hope not,,,,but any way, you took a vow for better are worse,,,, now theit more to a women than boobs,,, dont get met wrong, i a boobs man my self,but you need to see her side, she lost something that now make her feel less than a women,,,, she going threw a time she realy need you,an, even tho, it is a turn off,, she still your wife,,,,an i dont want you to think that i am comeing down on you for the way,you feel it nature for a man to want his wife to be whole, ,so i think the wife need to under stand your side, an help you too, ajust, to this,,,

Answer 8

No don't divorce her

Try taking her to a surgeon

And you can make love facing her if she wears a shirt on

She's your wife so for better or for worst remember

Answer 9

thats really sad you feel this way ask yourself why you love your wife is it because she had breasts or was it because she is a great person she is still that person you married and love.you should be proud of her unlike some women she has beaten this deadly curse and is with you and your family.try and imagine life without her.And maybe both of you should seek help.good luck.

Answer 10

get to a marriage counselor...both of you...both of you have unreasonable expectations and need to find a common ground