interracial relationships?

Question

My girlfriend and I both love each other to death. I'm part chinese, part filipino, part spanish. The problem is that some people don't approve of the relationship because I'm not a purebreed like her. (She is Chinese through and through on both sides). She tells me that her mother says I'm a good enough guy for her (my girl) but she (her mom) doesn't want us to continue dating because she's (her mom) afraid of what other people will say (i.e. other less tolerant, racist, elitist Chinese who think that not marrying Chinese would tarnish tradition as well as reputation)

I understand that Chinese parents want their children to be with fellow Chinese for a number of things (i.e. MONEY, heritage, and having fellow Chinese as in laws) but I feel that if we stop being together, we'dve stopped for a terrible reason.

What can I do to make it work? I can't just accept it as a part of this unfair world. She's the best thing to ever happen to me and I just can't let it pass me by. Please help..

Thanks for all the answers guys. To those who are reading this, please more input.

Answer 1

If you love her, then don't let her (yes I am going to say it because it is true) racist parents tear you apart. It is surprising to me that a chinese person would think that their culture would become tarnished, as if there is only one type of culture in China. That place is huge, I'm sure there are multiple cultures. As much as I would hate to say this, a lot of "traditional" parents tend to be racist. And it's silly to see this Chinese person think that you are not chinese enough (welcome to being a mixed kid). But, if you love this woman, do not listen to her mother. And if your woman loves you, she will not listen either. I find that interracial relationships are the best because they must overcome so many hurdles just to be together. Good luck!

Answer 2

The readers are approaching your situation incorrectly. I was raised under traditionally chinese parents but now I have a White g/f and my parents love her alot. Due to the fact she's cheaper than they are, works as hard, is very polite and considerate and most of all is very loving and protective of me.

Some may see their treatment of you as prejudice and bigotry but that may not be the full picture. They may just be overly protective and "testing you". Yes some traditional chinese folks may not be accepting but they're not totally rejecting you. Once you understand how they work and play the game right and earn their acceptance. This acceptance last for a life time.

Instead of using this negative treatment as discouragement or frustation. Use this as a sign of test to prove if you are worthy of your g/f. The culture is heavily image based and you can use this to your advantage.

If you are going to college or have a degree this is a big plus. If you have a higher degree that's a huge plus. They can not complain you are not smart enough for her.

If you volunteer to help local charities or cultural stuff especially Chinese stuff. It's a big plus.

If you do not have or is into any of the above that is fine. Just do what you are doing now and be extremely patience and hold any anger or frustration. Once they see you are very loving, devoted and productive in life they will have no options but to accept you and then brag about you to the whole family.

That my friend by itself is a whole new set of problems. lol.

fyi Traditional Chinese Families love it when their son-laws have a high degree and lots of male children.

I hope this is of some comfort or relief for you from someone who has dealt with this traditional stuff all his life.

Answer 3

Well, it just goes to show you that bigots can come from every race. Unfortunately it's ususally whites, who...unfairly more often than not... get this rap. I wish you and your girlfriend the very best.
People should mix It only makes our human species stronger---both genetically and spiritually.
Follow your heart. Forget the "reasons" for Chinese parents wanting their children to marry other Chinese. Funny how certain groups of people can still get away with this thinking in this day and age. Wake up. It's a poor cover for racism.
Hopefully, you and your g-friend can get past this crap.

Answer 4

Work, Work, Work. And then work some more. You answered your ownd question!

"She's the best thing to ever happen to me and I just can't let it pass me by".

Unless your living in all these other peoples houses that you mentioned. Do what makes the both of you happy!!! One thing you can count on out of life. People will talk about you when you are doing good. Other people will talk about you when you are doing bad.If you are gonna play the game, YOU BETTER KNOW THE RULES!!! Dont go to a shoot out with a butter knife.

Because everybody isnt gonna like your decisions you make in life. And if you spend your life pleasing everybody else, you will look around and every body will be happy EXCEPT YOU!

P.S. Look at how many people talked about Jesus Christ. Look at where he is now!!!!!!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Answer 5

You are going to have to decide if you want this life. I am biracial (black and white) woman in a relationship with a white man. We love each other dearly but deal with discrimination on a regular basis. You just have to commit to being together no matter what other people's opinions may be. Sometimes you just have to do what you want and love who you love no matter what the rest of the world tells you. When I wake up in the morning to the person I love the most, all the negative aspects go away.

Answer 6

When it really comes down to it Its not really UP TO her parents at all. Whether they approve or not. People wil think whatthey want no matter what the issue is. I am biracial myself I am cherokee indian, black and white. My husband is black. his mom didnt want him marrying me because i was too light skinned for her taset but with out a doubt true love will not let you listen to anyones elses nonsense. tell her mother that even if she is afraid of what others might think... its not an issue for you or your girlfriend.. Please don't let another person tell you how to run your life, who or whom you should or should not marry because of how somebody else feel. there are PLENTY of ACCEPTING people in the world today... Now a days there are more biracial people on the planet than any other race out there. YES it would be a TERRIBLE reason to stop seeing each other because of stupidity or uneducated people. I am sure you love her LOVE is all you need not her parents consent.. sure they may not like it at first but they WILL HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT they can not instill their beliefs on others just because its what a parent wants. Honey you will be absolutely fine DONT leave a wonderful relationship because of a race issue... You know you love her... you know she loves you... marry her... You will realize that you have made wonderful decision later... In he end it WILL ALL WORK OUT. My mother in law accepts ur marraige because she knows no matter what she says that she can run her sons life and tell him WHO TO LOVE. LOVE DOESNT SEE SKIN COLOR. ;o) I wish you luck Im rooting for ya man!!! Please dont listen to her mother.

Answer 7

You can't change your blood. So just try to be patient. If you make your girlfriend happy, her parents will appreciate that. They will see enough divorce and separation over time of very acceptable pure blood Chinese relationships and come to appreciate the stability of your relationship with their daughter.

Answer 8

ahhhhh the old "SAVING FACE' syndrome. Well my friend, If her parents are traditional Chinese, you just might be out of luck. social status is a major factor in Asian cultures. And more times then not, the parents have the final say so. Good luck to you and her.

Answer 9

In America there is a thing called Freedom of choice and the Statue of Liberty is the way for people to understand exactly what that freedom enables us to do even choose a sex of your choice reagardless of race.

You love her...take her and the hell with what anybody else thinks.
Have a nice relationship...it's Method of Modern Love
Fly High@!

Answer 10

I normally don't believe people of mixed races should be together for the sake of the children that would result from that relationship and what they might have to endure. But ya'll are both oriental no ones really gonna demand a pedigree and they shouldn't for ANY race. IF YOU LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES YOU THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.