Hi, i'm divorced, met my bf when he was engaged, and now he's married, i didn't meet him before he got engaged, & when he was to get married, i had to leave him, not knowing if i was gonna come back. But I can't leave him now, i'm not ready & i love him too much.
But now, i'm very suicidal, i live alone, don't have many friends, and he's never around when i need him, what should i do? I'm trying to start my life again, being a divorcee & all, but it's hard, and i'm ready to give up. What should i do? I wanna live, but at the same time, i don't want to.
2007-03-02 17:29:11 · 14 answers · asked by simply a 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It seems to me like even though feel alone, you're afraid of being close to someone because you've been hurt before in the past, so you've placed your emotions in the hands of someone who you know cannot be completely close to you.
In allowing this relationship to continue, this man is being very selfish and is capitalizing off of your vulnerability and isolation. It is unfare when he, himself, has a family to go home to when he is finished visiting you.
Since you are suicidal, I am not, however, suggesting that you break things off with him. That further isolation might cause undue emotional strain on you. Instead, I suggest that you change your mindset and consider your sessions with this married man to be a means to get you through until you find the person whom you were actually meant to be with.
In regards to your emotional state, I believe that you actually want to live or you wouldn't be reaching out to people. Whether you know it or not you are a strong, worthwhile person who just seems to keep find herself in situations that seem like too much to bear, but they are not. I assure you that many people find themselves in similar situations, but we are all just trying to cope, not matter how happy and "with it" people seem to be around you.
2007-03-02 17:45:29 · answer #1 · answered by wendy_the_pyro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok girl you need to wake up for one. Hello the man Is married! If he Is going to cheat on his wife then what makes you think He wont cheat on you If you guys do end up together? And If your feeling suicidal then you really need to move away from the sitaution. You have alot to offer someone and you are letting your own life pass you by. So tell this loser bye and shake your self off and face tomorrow like a new day. I know Its easier said then done but you do deserve better! Get together with the friends you have and plan a day just for you. Go to a spa If you have that kind of cash. But the best thing you can do for yourself and your heart Is to leave this man In the past. Good luck!
2007-03-03 01:44:00 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me puzzle it out here: He met you when he was engaged and went on to get married. YOUR FIRST CLUE
He's never around when you need him. YOUR SECOND CLUE
You're depressed and suicidal. YOUR THIRD CLUE
You don't have many friends and you're ready to give up. YOUR FOURTH CLUE
And, let me guess- he doesn't seem to have any immediate plans to leave his wife-or if he does , it never seems to happen. YOUR FIFTH CLUE
If I appear to be flip, please forgive me. I found myself in a similar situation a few years back.
The only way I could deal with the pain was to walk through it. I made the decision to stop giving him control over MY life. I stopped seeing him, stopped calling him and stopped taking his calls.
The first few months were some of the toughest of my life. I literally ached for him. But I was lucky to have the most incredible friend, my stepfather, to help me through. I'd call him almost every day and he'd let me ramble on and on, repeating the same things over and over. He'd leave work early and we'd go for a drink or to dinner or to the park. And he'd let me ramble on some more. And he was ALWAYS on my side!
Gradually and unbelievably to me, the pain started to lessen. I won't pretend I don't think stilll think about him sometimes, but it's like he was part of another life.
You've got to stop walking down a dead end street. Find a good friend to support you in this. Find a good therapist if you need to- there's no shame in that! You want to live, you just don't want to live like this- and you don't have to.
I wish you the very best. Believe that you deserve it.
PS: See if Judge Bill is seeing anyone- his answer is awesome!
2007-03-03 01:32:52 · answer #3 · answered by gtravels 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear let him go, if he wanted you he would not get married, he is not your boyfriend anymore, he is someone else's property now, I suggest go on line there is hundreds of sites for singles, I am sure you will find a nice man for yourself. You have to fight with the obstacles in life, do not quit, that's not normal.
Love will come to you again I am sure of it, just dress up and get out there, life is good, try other things too, not everything revolves around men, meantime there is lots of things you can do, until you find the one to make you happy, you deserve to be happy not sad and suicidal, don't even think about it, spend more time with your family and get some support from them, or get a pet and spend time taking care of it.
2007-03-03 01:41:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a decision. Decide that you don't want to feel alone and you don't want to be the second wheel in his life. He chose her and you need to face that. Now it's your turn to make a decision.
You are worth much much more. You need to pick up the pieces and enjoy the freedom you are ignoring. You were with a man, got divorced and quickly took up with a married man. Learn to enjoy your private time. Get to know yourself!
Play with your hair, play with your make-up. Go to the pet store and get a puppy. You don't need a man to be happy. Grab a girlfriend and play Bingo. Take up quilting.
Life is out there. Being miserable about a married man is a waste of time and energy.
2007-03-03 01:39:13 · answer #5 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, let's start with you. First of all, start thinking about yourself. You are really a unique human being. You are a divine spirit having a human experience. You are the most wonderful person in your own universe. There is nobody else like you. So honor yourself, celebrate yourself, acknowledge yourself as the great person you know yourself to be. And love yourself, accept yourself as you are, without judgment. Well over 60% of first marriages end in divorce...so you're in good company. Don't worry about your bf, either he stays married or he doesn't. You can't make him do anything, that's something he has to decide for himself. But you honor yourself and you will find that you will only choose those who honor you. Plan your life for you, not for anyone else. And as you live the live you plan for yourself, you will find that others will come to you because you know yourself. Go for it.
2007-03-03 01:39:05 · answer #6 · answered by judgebill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over yourself and your pity party. How can someone have sympathy for you when you are the cause of your own problem?
Your situation is very selfish of you...nevermind him....let his wife deal with him....
He doesn't love you or he'd have never gone through with marrying his wife. Stuck btwn a rock and a hard place, he says? Well, tell him that when he gets "unstuck" he can look you up, otherwise you're moving on.
Most men don't leave their wives when they cheat...Typically they love their wives and there are communication problems in the marriage that one or the other are not attending to. If they love their wives they'll hang on.... If he loves you, it would be easy for him to walk away from her.
You need to stop "wishing" and get on with your life so you can be with a man who truly loves you and is capable of respecting your commitment.
Meanwhile... you're fretting over this guy while you could be with Mr. Right... The REAL ONE...
2007-03-03 01:37:14 · answer #7 · answered by ~Me~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you deserve someone way better! You don't want a guy that's going to cheat on you and lie to you you whole life! I know you must be going through a hard time...but a guy is not the thing that will complete or fulfill you. surround yourself with good positive influences...go out, make new friends. Don't be scared about meeting another guy...if you're supposed to..you'll meet him. I know patience is hard..but it's worth it. This guy may seem good now, but the one you're meant to be with will be ten times better! Imagine how you would feel if you were his wife!! She would be soo incredibly hearbroken to know this guy she married has been seeing someone else for so long. Move on with your life...for you...for him...and for his relationship with his wife. I'll be praying for you!
2007-03-03 01:44:29 · answer #8 · answered by Leah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off, taking your life is not the answer. Don't throw it all away for one guy. I'm sure you hear this alot on TV, but there are many fish in the sea. If you weren't destined to be with him then don't break your head over it...You'll find a soulmate one day, I gaurantee you. There's a soulmate for everyone...Just keep your chin up and think peptimistc!
2007-03-03 01:43:24 · answer #9 · answered by MaDcaRLos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are obviously lonely and clutching at straws. Move on, I know it is easier said than done but it is not fair on his wife AT ALL! He is playing with your feelings and he will never be with you so you are just going to waste your time with someone who is using you when you could be with someone who will appreciate you and make you happy. Go to counselling, hang with friends, pick a hobby... anything as long as you leave him.
2007-03-03 01:46:28 · answer #10 · answered by Shahrukh Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋