Is it ok to have a close friend of the opposite sex when you are married? How do you define the boundaries of friends?
2007-03-02 17:16:33 · 15 answers · asked by isabella 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have to disagree with some of the responses here. The question asks if it is alright to have a *close friend* of the opposite sex when married, not if it's okay that your spouse isn't your closest or best friend. I agree that your spouse should be your best and closest friend. However, depending on both your own personal makeup and your spouse's comfort level, it should not be a problem to have close friends of any gender.
I have several close friends of the opposite sex -- some from before I even met my spouse 15 years ago -- and because of the level of trust we have in our marriage, it's never been a problem. Now, mind you, you MUST have trust in your relationship or it'll never work. However, if you're not certain that you can handle yourself appropriately with those friends who are of the opposite gender or if your spouse has a problem with it, you have other issues that you need to resolve before starting additional friendships, especially with the opposite sex. If you have ANY question about your OWN ability to act appropriately with a close friend of the opposite sex, then I'd suggest you steer clear of it altogether. And seriously, be honest with yourself!
As for boundaries, why should those be dramatically different than with a friend of the same sex? Other than possibly trying to avoid any misperceptions from the "outside world" (e.g. you probably don't want a family friend catching you out to dinner with the friend of the opposite sex without your spouse or anything), just don't do anything that is uncomfortable for you, your friend or your spouse. And discuss these things with your spouse first and make sure that your intentions are clear with the friend, too.
To reiterate, it has never been a problem for me, my spouse or our marriage for me to have friends of the opposite sex -- and vice versa with my spouse. HOWEVER, every person is different and every marriage is different. Be very honest with both yourself and with your spouse about this matter and it can be a non-issue.
2007-03-02 17:50:18 · answer #1 · answered by C.J. 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would not be a good idea to have a man as your best friend, well unless he's totally gay then it should be ok because then your husband would know for a fact that nothing bad is going to happen. When someone becomes your best friend that usually means that you have deep love for that person. The only man that you should consider your bestfriend should be your husband. Having a guy as your friend could be ok at first but could totally escalate into something more since you have such caring thoughts for that person. If you really love your husband you should just try to limit your time with the "other man". Defining the boundaries of friends is basically what ever you do with your husband you should NOT do with your "friend", that includes kissing and holding hands (those things usually lead to other things in the future). Ask you husband how he feels about the situation and respect his feelings.
2007-03-03 01:39:59 · answer #2 · answered by dabster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I have seen and heard of too many relationships being destroyed because of close friendships with members of the opposite sex. Your partner should be your primary focus. I am not saying you should not have friends of the opposite sex, but you need strong boundaries. For one...never bring to that friendship complaints about your partner. Never share things that are too deep with that friend. You should share the most important and special parts of yourself with your partner. If the friendship remotely is taking away time and effort from your relationship, you also need to back it off.
2007-03-03 01:22:54 · answer #3 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the people here who say that it is ok as long as you and your friend have boundaries that are not crossed and as long as there is the trust between you and your spouse. I am a friend with a guy from my class and it is totally harmless. But just maybe try to hang out in groups and in public places so your loyalty to your spouse is not debatable.
2007-03-03 02:24:22 · answer #4 · answered by hol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i definetly believe its ok to be married and have a friend of the opposite sex as long as both you, your spouse, and the friend have that understanding. i've been maried 7 yrs with a close friend of 10 years and nothings ever went further than friendship.
i love my spouse more than anything to jeopordize my marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-03-03 03:45:12 · answer #5 · answered by *JamaicanPrincess* 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can have friends with your husbands knowledge but never cause jelousy. You should not be alone with the other man or another man in private. Set him up with someone and see him be happy. There are so many girls looking for good men don't hog em all.
2007-03-03 01:44:09 · answer #6 · answered by granny_sp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure.
As long as you don't go over the line.
& the boundaries are the things that you do with your wife.
2007-03-03 01:20:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding. This is a slippery slope. Too risky. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend.
2007-03-03 01:21:02 · answer #8 · answered by Snobunny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is up to you and your spouse .... as long as you are both happy with what you are doing that is fine ..... maybe not moral but it could be fine with the two of you .....
2007-03-03 01:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by geophys63 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is not advisable. your wife/husband should be your lover and best friend,you should not need to go anywhere else for friendship
2007-03-03 01:23:00 · answer #10 · answered by CHARLIE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋