Do you think being gay is a choice?

Question

I am gay and here is how i see it. I am gay and i didn't choose to be, it just happened when puberty happened. How can a straight person tell me it's a choice when they aren't gay? They don't know, but I do.

Answer 1

Even if they pretend not to know, they do. They didn't choose being straight. But no one sees it that way. Did you ever notice that no one ever asks straight people if they are sure? No one tells them that if they haven't tried everything then they don't really know.

Answer 2

As with any complex human behavior, sexual orientation likely results from a developmental process involving both dispositional (inborn or biological) and environmental factors.

For example, a person who is born "wired" to develop attractions members of his or her own sex, who grows up in an environment that provides warmth and encourages autonomy and individual expression, is probably more likely to develop a gay or lesbian identity.

Conversely, someone with similar "wiring," who grows up in an environment in which any kind of deviation is impermissible, is much less likely to develop a gay or lesbian identity even though a part of them may feel strongly attracted to others of their own sex. (Perhaps they grow up to be megachurch evangelists who get married, have five kids, and snort crystal off the butt-cheeks of male prostitutes during "business trips.")

The matter of "free will" is a philosophical discussion that is unlikely to conclude in the foreseeable future. Some people think that everything is a choice, and some people think that all behavior is predetermined. No one really knows for sure, but everyone seems to have an opinion.

Most straight people did not have to "choose" to be that way. It's just how they turned out, and it's not something they would change even if they could. Well, it's the same way for gay and lesbian people. We didn't "choose" to feel this way; indeed, we often tried very hard NOT to feel this way, but here we are. Deal with it.

I think two processes underlie the refusal of certain people to appreciate that our sexual orientation is not something over which we have a say. The first is that some people are threatened by the idea that some things are not chosen, and that some things cannot be controlled. The second is that some people subscribe to a worldview that is circumscribed by religious boundaries, and any evidence that challenges these rigid beliefs or threatens this worldview has to be ignored, discarded, or discredited.

Anyway, who cares what straight people think? Like you said, you know that you didn't choose to be gay. But you did choose to be honest with yourself, and to share this part of yourself with others, and for that you should be proud.

Answer 3

I am always astonished at how heterosexual people will say without blinking, 'Yes, it's a choice. You made a choice.'

How the frack do you know?

Answer: you don't.

When will heterosexual people stop trying to tell us what is going on in our own minds and souls? Why is it such a big, hairy deal to you all? If you don't like the idea of two men coupling, well then my goodness, look away! Change the channel! Find something else to read! Use YOUR power of choice to stay within your realm of influence: your own life.

Stop trying to tell the world what being gay is like and how it happens. Because, the plain, cold fact is: you don't know the first thing about it.

And DON'T give me any bible verses to back up what you think God says. Puh-LEEEEEZE. If you even START to quote Leviticus I have a dozen answers ready for you. Such as, "Oh, really? Well, do you wear material woven of two kinds of thread? Do you shave (if you're a man)? Do you sequester yourself when you have your period (if you're a woman) and then go through the ritual cleansing that Leviticus says you need to go through before you can join 'clean' society? Or, how about shrimp? Do you eat shellfish? Because it's an abomination to God. So is pork. You can't even touch the skin of a dead pig. So much for football.

QUIT PICKING AND CHOOSING WHICH BIBLE VERSES ARE CONVENIENT FOR YOU AND WHICH ONES YOU WANT US TO LIVE BY!

As for the New Testatment, do you keep your heads covered in church, you women? Why not? You're supposed to. Are you pleased and proud that you are married? Why should you be? Paul told us NOT to marry. Do you believe in the resurrection? Which version? I'm waiting for your answer. Do you believe in Creation? Which version? Did you not know there are multiple versions of the resurrection story in the New Testament and two versions of the Creation story in the Old?

Did you not realize how riddled with holes and problems of logical fact your Bible is? If you would spend more time thinking stuff through rather than blindly accepting it as some sort of 'God's Will' then the world would be a much more peaceful place.

There have been gay men and women since the beginning of recorded time. (See link below) There are at least 51 species of animals that exhibit homosexual behavior. More if you merely count sexual activity between members of the same sex in the animal kingdom. (See link below) Despite what many people say on these pages about how psychologically twisted lesbian and gay people are, the experts disagree strongly with you, and have done so for years.

Let's make a deal: I won't tell you how to live your heterosexual life. In return, stop trying to pass yourselves off as such experts on all things gay.

Because the truth of the matter is, you don't know jack squat about it.

Answer 4

First of all, this question has come up before: shoulda searched! Here's the answer I gave before and I'm stickin' to it! (Rated best answer, too, thank you very much :) ) "Hmm. You will mostly get simple Yeses or nos. The short answer is: we don't know for sure. I know a lot of my gay/lesbian/bi friends would kick my tail for that, but the scienfic answer is we don't know. What I DO know is that when I was a teenager, I grew up not knowing even one gay person (of course there were, but I didn't know). When I've tried to be intimate with a man, it was uncomfortable and disgusting despite the fact that I (still, as a friend) love the man. It felt like the sexual chemicals in my body were repulsed by his. With women, it feels natural and my chemicals react accordingly. I have never talked to an LGBT who feels they chose this for themselves. It's just the way it feels. There is an excellent book called Is It a Choice? by Eric Marcus. It's frank answers by LGBT about the ways that we feel. Thank you for your interest."

Answer 5

They really don't have any idea. They just see things how they feel it should be. They feel it should be a certain way so every other way is wrong to them. I hear some people say you are born gay and some say life events make you that way. Well I don't know if one is right or wrong but I feel they could both be a possibility. I am straight but all throughout my childhood I was put into sexual situations with my friends who were girls and I have always had this attraction to girls ever since but I don't want to be with someone of the same sex now, its just not for me. I try but can't make myself not be attracted to girls. So I think you can't force yourself to change something that's already implanted inside of you. Hope it helps.

Answer 6

I think that bein' a gay,is a choice,because the nature says that man 'n' a woman have sex together,but men together is something abnormal...'n' I think that it's a sin to be gay 'n' God is fair 'n' as He says that homosexuality is a sin 'n' it's forbidden to have sex with a same-sex person,so to be a gay is a choice because God won't punish you because of a natural thing He created you with,but because of the abnormal things

Answer 7

I'm a lesbian. Here's what I always ask straight people: when did you realize you were heterosexual? (Answer always is: "well, I always knew"). Yeah, right, me too.

Then, I ask, if someone forced you to be gay and told you it was the only acceptable way to be, could you force yourself to like the same sex? They always say "no." And neither could gays spontaneously turn themselves straight.

Then, if it's a guy, I ask: Do you like girls? And he, inevitably, says "yeah." And I say "me, too." (You can use this vice verse)

Just play the straights at their own game. Look, being gay or lesbian or trans or bi is ABSOLUTELY NOT A QUESTION OF CHOICE OR WILL. Not in any kind of way.

So, be proud of who you are. But, don't be "in your face" about it. Do the gay community a service by being the best (queer) upstanding citizen you can be.

Answer 8

Sadly it's not an easy question to answer because it depends on the kind of response you are looking for. And since I am a firm believer that everyone has the right response for themselves the best I can do is give you several explanations from several different viewpoints including scientific and religious backgrounds and let you make up your mind for yourself.

The first and most obvious response that a lot of people give is that you are born that way and it stems from a hormonal balance that is different from the norm. Some scientists have claimed that homosexual men seem to have a smaller pituitary gland than heterosexual men and the same applies to homosexual women in reference to heterosexual ones. The size of the pituitary alone does not prove anything conclusive considering hormonal activity in the brain and studies surrounding this cannot be fully understood in living people.
There are some people and scientists whom believe this goes further than just hormonal but even physiological in that gay men have a tendency to be proportionately smaller like females and lesbian women have at times been larger in comparison to most heterosexual women possibly taking on the physical structure of heterosexual men.

Does this mean you are born gay? In my personal opinion I would say that this question can be answered with yes and no. I do believe that people are born with a sexual orientation be it gay, straight or asexual. However I also believe that our environment can also affect sexual orientation. Just as several heterosexuals have lived homosexual lifestyles due to suffering sexual abuse as children, the same can be said for those born homosexual who live heterosexual lifestyles because of the same reasons. The end result is that you have a vast mix of sexual orientations whose basis can either stem from birth, or emotional development.

Is either one considered bad?

I don't think it's a question of right and wrong, bad or good. Personally I feel that as long as a person is happy and doing what makes them feel right when it comes to comfort, love and respect that it shouldn't make a difference. Keeping in mind that it's important that no one should ever be made to feel uncomfortable for their lifestyle, regardless if others believe it's a choice or something you are born with. Which brings us to the second part of your question.

If you are looking for an answer from a religious perspective you can find many different opinions. Keeping in mind I am a firm believer that everyone has the right to their opinion I find that they are valid in their own ways. What this means is that if you believe being gay is wrong than that system of beliefs is true for yourself, not others. Several religious organizations have repeatedly claimed homosexuality to be a sin, and for the most part if that is what they believe than its true. Only because religion is a standard of beliefs you choose to live by. The only problem is that many do not realize, nor do they choose to respect the fact that not everyone has those same set of beliefs.

Now I could go on for pages and pages talking about what the bible does or does not say concerning homosexuality but the truth is that it's not my business to tell someone else what to believe when it comes to something they use for comfort or direction in their own life. So all I can tell you is that for every negative facet of homosexuality that many religions claim to find, I guarantee there are those out there that state exactly the opposite. Basically it is up to you, the individual, to make up your own mind especially since it's your life that you are living.

In the end, the only thing I try to preach to anyone is that everyone has free will, God or no God in your life. And the only thing I can express sternly is that no one, in my opinion should ever take that will from another person. We should all do our best to treat everyone with respect regardless of their differences from us because truth is there is no one in this entire world exactly like you.

Answer 9

I am straight but I agree with you. Gays do not choose to be gay, they are born gay. There is nothing wrong with this. Gays are people who deserve to be accepted and respected who they are. My son is gay and as long as he is happy then that is fine with me. Nothing has changed, my love for my son is unconditional. Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 10

i'm straight, but the only way i can try to even understand it is this way...i for some reason am attracted to dark haired men, blondes are ok, they don't do it for me like the dark haired guys, i don't choose this, it's what i'm naturally attracted to...of course, brad pitt is my one exception to the rule..lol just kidding, but i really don't believe that it's a choice for all, some people choose and some people are just born that way and by the way, the bible commands that we are not to be judging anyone. period.