ok i have about 100k in stocks,bonds savings ect and no children.he has a good job but about 30k in debt,huge child support payments,controlling nasty exwife and no savings at 35 yrs old.we do love each other BUT i do know i will allways play 2nd to his "1st" family thats what you have to deal with when you marry someone with a ready made family.so i don't plan on getting a divorce but if push can to shove i would be the 1st the go.
2007-03-02 15:25:00 · 10 answers · asked by kathy56martin 1 in Business & Finance ➔ Personal Finance
First, I am not always a fan of prenups because I do think too many people enter marriage thinking, "well if it doesn't work I'll just get a divorce." But what I am a fan of is separate funds, and feel that just because people get married all I have should not become that person's and for that matter I do not want all they have. I think once we are married THEN assets should be joined.
But in your case there already are a few warning signs. You have a nest egg and stable credit, and it sounds like he is in a hole.
I would suggest that you just have an honest talk to him and explain you've worked hard for good credit and your assets, that you love him and just as you don't want anything he has going in to the marriage, you want to keep your assets secure. And I think it also goes 2 ways. If he loves you and has pure intentions then why would he have any problem securing your position so you have no concerns? I would truthfully say if the shoe was on the other foot, and I was marrying someone with more money I would not feel right unless I made it clear that I had no claim on those assets. And if money is not an issue I would hope he is man enough to put pride aside. And if not I would say there would be a warning flag on the play as to his intentions.
Good luck with it. And please try to have a calm, non-accusatory conversation. I'd try to avoid all the 1st family stuff so it doesn't turn defensive. Just make it clear you want to start out on equal ground. If he doesn't want to respect and protect your assets then I think you have bigger problems than what could happen.
Also talk to someone to make sure you keep your credit good. A friend of mine had her credit ruined by her husband and is still trying to sort it out. And if things hopefully go very well, it will help you both if one of you has good credit!
Best of luck to you! And obviously my answer to you question is a big YES in this situation. And I think your heart knows this too, as well as what could happen.
2007-03-02 18:03:02 · answer #1 · answered by FineWhine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people will take the prenup as a "lack of trust" and bring the relationship down a bit. You can build the trust back. There are some cases where prenups can seperate them before the marriage. In your case, you have much to loose. In TX what is yours before the marriage is yours after, everything acquired during the marriage spilts in half. I would do the prenup. You have way too much to loose. I'm not saying you are going to divorce soon, just in case though. A controlling ex will also, like it or not, control you. Just do it. If you dont he might start chewing out of your savings.
Tough question. Go over it with a lawyer. Probably your best bet.
2007-03-02 15:37:08 · answer #2 · answered by JayMEX 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out while you can, I married a man w/ a similar situation and now I'm stuck b/c his debt became mine and all my inheritance is gone and my savings is dwindling to almost nothing and it's only been 5 years. I love my husband but if you told me 7 years ago when this started what I would be living with I probably would have run! The ex-wife never goes away they only want more. The more you have the more they want. Good Luck!
2007-03-02 16:28:45 · answer #3 · answered by prissymama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have everything to lose and he has nothing. Yes, if there's going to be a prenup you're going to have to start it up. If someone gets a good enough lawyer they can cancel out most of the things in a prenup, but it's better than nothing.
2007-03-02 15:35:45 · answer #4 · answered by Moral Orel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A prenup is a good idea. You never know what could happen. A prenup in no way diminishes your love, it just shows that you are planning for something that you hope will never happen. It is the same reason that we purchase life insurance.
2007-03-02 16:04:15 · answer #5 · answered by Paul Dayton 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off...I think you have let your heart run your head. Are you prepared to let your finances and the rest of your life be run/controlled/attached to/ dominated by an idiot that cannot control his own life? You do realize in some states that if you are a persons spouse you assume their debts? Regardless of prenup? GET A PRENUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Better yet, dump loser #1 and get a man that can control his finances. Of course, that is just my opinion. Look me up in 10 years and tell me if I was right...
2007-03-02 15:45:25 · answer #6 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Already planning for the divorce before the marriage is not a good sign.
2007-03-02 15:35:32 · answer #7 · answered by zaphodsclone 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the biggest legal problem if you don't have him sign it is that you'll owe him half of what you make while you are together. so if that 100k turns into a million, you'll owe him 450k. perhaps you don't need to actually "marry" him. just live together and keep everything separate.
2007-03-02 15:33:47 · answer #8 · answered by shawntolidano 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to disscuss the prenup... after all you need to protect your self..i would get him to sign one .. if not then i would just be content to live with him..or talk to a lawyer and see if you need one.. if your state is not a community property state you may not need one
2007-03-02 15:34:41 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE SHOULD DUMP YOU.
2007-03-02 15:31:17 · answer #10 · answered by cork 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋