I have been in a relationship for 7 yrs, (civil union)..I found out she was cheating on me...that was 3 yrs ago, and we split up while she was doing this a yr after she started..anyways...we worked thru somethings, moved across state and started really working on our relationship..everything has been fine until the girl starts calling my partner, to be friends again..they started out as friends, but crossed the line when they had relations..the girl calls this week after breaking up with her current gf (who is also married with children) and wants to be friends...I am not ok with this at all...I have given my partner an ultimatum her or me...and she thinks I am over reacting that they should be able to be friends...when the girl first met my partner she began emailing love letters to her and sending her flowers and asking her out...my partner kept telling her no, until 1 yr later...the girl is rude to my partner everytime she gets a gf and wont talk to her...what do I do??? 7yrs here??
2007-03-02 15:17:06 · 11 answers · asked by luvnmyboxer3 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Oh, man, if my husband cheated on me and then later she called him and wanted to be friends and he didn't tell her to drop dead I'd blow my sh*t apart. This other broad sounds like a loser if she's messing around with married people and people who are in established relationships. If your girlfriend is serious about having a relationship with you then she needs to cut this chick out of the picture all together. If she insists on being "friends" with this woman, as difficult and painful as it may be, I would tell her to take a hike. You don't deserve this crap.
2007-03-02 20:04:09 · answer #1 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seven yrs is a long time to just call it quits. Is there anyway that you could persuade her on her decision? Lets face some facts here. She cheated on you 3 yrs ago then you split up and then reunited again. There must be some type of feelings here. Have you thought about talking to a minister or a councelor? This might be an idea, have someone be like a referee to listen to both sides of your issues. I would hate to see a relationship go down the drain over something that can be solved. If she can't understand your feelings on this matter it makes me think on how much "love" is between the two of you.I hate to say "give in" to her wishes because I'm wondering how much trust is really there. If any at all. I don't know...I hate to say "quit" the relationship because even if there is just alittle hope and faith and love then you could possibly still have a good relationship.Try talking to her again calmly. If she decides that her friend is more important than you...then there is your answer.Good luck!
2007-03-03 00:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by shuggabhugga05 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK looks to me you've talked to your partner I'd say take it a step up and talk to this girl yourself.
Tell her you're married and loving every minute of it. And you'd love it very much so if she'd leave your partner alone.
Also I'd try talking to your partner again tell her y'all seriously need to talk because communication and listening is the key to every relationship. And tell her how you feel in the nicest way possible. This is what I'd say "Baby, I know you think I'm over reacting about this situation, but how else do you want me to react when you did cheat on me with this girl. Now I love you with all my heart I deeply do, but I can't go on with you being friends with this other women knowing you cheated on me with her. It would make me feel so much better if you'd end this friendship because I'm so scared of loosing you which I do not want that because I love you more then anything." If it's been a good relationship and your wife hasn't given you any other reason to not trust her then I believe everyone deserves a second chance because a good relationship always has a bit of problems and I believe in ONLY second chances. Like I said if it was me I'd say what I said Up ad little ways, and also tell her I forgive you and I'd always love you. Just remember communication and listening is the key to ALL relationships.
If she was still friends with the person after that then I think if it was me I'd think it would happened again.
Good luck I hope this helps.
xoxoxo
2007-03-02 23:44:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your partner is asking you to trust someone who has not earned trust. In fact, there is NO reason that either of you should trust that this other girl should be able to be your friend. She already blew that opportunity by sleeping with your partner. She doesn't get another chance to break up your relationship.
If your partner cares for you, she'll stop talking to this other girl. And you guys need to start working on things again. I cannot believe your partner would be open to conversations with this interloper if things were going totally well between the two of you. She either would have too much to lose, or she can't stand life without drama.
^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^
2007-03-02 23:23:46 · answer #4 · answered by NHBaritone 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I don't share. And I don't think anyone else should either. Not fair to you, to her, to her so-called friend. Your gf needs to cut all ties in order for your partnership to work. There's a big trust issue at stake here. And your girlfriend has to understand that you are uncomfortable with her being friends with the other woman. As horrible as it sounds, she needs to make a choice. Either you and your 7 good years, or the other woman. I know you probably love your gf very much and really don't want to give her an ultimatum. I don't like them either, but, you have to draw the line somewhere. You deserve better . Honey, if my husband had an affair and then told me he wanted to be friends with the woman that came between us, he damn sure knows that he'd be sleeping with one eye open every night. Don't let yourself be treated this way. Love is one thing. Being taken advantage of is another. Best wishes.
2007-03-02 23:37:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your partner really needs to make a decision here, you or her? There is not grey area, not chance for friendship if this woman has continually persued others who are unavailable and seems to only be seeking sex, which is sort of what your description alludes to. Your ultimatum should have done the trick, however maybe you really need to make it more clear to your spouse. Perhaps telling her how her communications with her "girlfriend" make you feel. Try not to use terms such as "second-best" or "jealous," because you don't want to make yourself appear weak. Instead, you want to promote your self-respect and the survival of your relationship, which seems to have had some roadblocks.
If she isn't ready to compromise or isn't willing to discontinue the relationship, be prepared to leave her. You don't deserve a woman who is going to betray you in this manner.
2007-03-02 23:59:40 · answer #6 · answered by Waverly Pascale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are over reacting. Stick to your guns. Nothing but trouble if your partner decides to be friends with her again.
2007-03-02 23:21:09 · answer #7 · answered by phxguy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its obvious to me that the girl wants your partner at no cost. but your partner sounds extremely nieve. your in a tough spot. but not really. if your partner is so nieve herself. then i must ask if she is worth it. you are going to get your heart broken over and over again I'm afraid to say. your partner should be loyal to you and only you. unless your an ***. but in this case i don't think your an ***. that's my thoughts, good luck.
2007-03-02 23:38:57 · answer #8 · answered by shyboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find a new person in your life and completely separate yourself from these people. A clean break or this person is going to continue making you miserable.
2007-03-02 23:22:02 · answer #9 · answered by djm749 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You wasted 7 years. Forgive her, forgive yourself, and move on.
2007-03-02 23:23:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋