Why does this girl STILL hate me???

Question

Its been several months since high school has been over....all of my friends and I went to different colleges.

However, this one girl that HATED me in high school STILL HATES ME at my college......I know my friends and I were the "in crowd".....so some of my friends were really mean to her......however, even though my friends were mean to her, I was nice to her all 4 years of high school and up to this day......I was selected as the nicest girl in my graduating class. I told my friends to stop making fun of her, and I stuck up for her multiple times......but SHE STILL HATES ME!!!!

I just dont get it.....I feel like I'm wasting my time being nice to someone that doesnt even appreciate it.

Answer 1

Sounds to me that there is something you are unaware of.
If I had to guess I would say that someone told her an untruth about you at one time.
And it was probably pretty bad.

Answer 2

have u ever thought maybe she doesn't hate u? maybe u r feeling guilty about something that has happened and it is making u think that. just b u and dont worry about if someone hates u or what they think of u. u r in college for a reason and it is not to worry about what people think of u but to graduate!

Answer 3

Why are you sweating her? If you know in your heart that you did nothing wrong then keep on living. People will hate you until the day you die. You tried now it is time to forget her!

Answer 4

I'd actually suggest you maybe are wasting your time -- not wasting your time being nice, but wasting your time not really getting to the heart of the matter.

Ordinarily, I'd say, well, just walk away. You can't do for her what she can only do for herself so, if she won't accept kindness from you, then just carry on with your own life.

But, based on what you've said, she probably was very hurt by what happened in high school and, as a member of the "in" crowd, I'm sure she is directing that anger, pain, and frustration toward you because you "represent" the ones who hurt her.

I'd also say that , if you're the only one from the former in crowd who speaks to her, and is kind to her, then you might consider that you provide the best target for her feelings. Probably no one else even bothers to talk to her, so, of the crowd that hurt her, she can, in her own mind at least, "get back" at everyone by taking out her feelings on you. By being accessible to her, you give her a target.

At this point, I'd say you have a couple of choices, but it really depends on what you want to achieve. Do you really want to be friends with her? Would you just like to understand why it is that she refuses to move on from the past? Or, could it even be that maybe you want to feel a little better inside about once belonging to a crowd that made fun of this girl?

Because you said you always stuck up for her, and because this is still bothering you, it sounds like you're the kind of person who is sensitive to others. Even though you were in the "in" crowd, and often that's the crowd that tends to dominate the school and elevate themselves by making fun of everybody, it sounds like you were the exception to the rule -- that you were part of the crowd but not part of the cold bullying that such crowds sometimes inflict on others as a way of making up for their own feelings of inadequacies.

If that's the case, then, more than just wanting a friendship to blossom, a part of this ongoing struggle may be your own need to make peace with what happened in high school, and resolve the feelings I'm sure you had when watching others hurt this girl. That's probably a lot of why you continue to be nice to her. You want to see the pain from those former days be resolved.

So, I might be way off base here, but I'd say make some peace for yourself, and for her, by having a talk with her. Confront the issue. Say, "Look I know you were the brunt of jokes and immature bullying in high school, and I know I was part of that crowd, but I never felt okay with what happened. I don't know if you noticed, but even in school I tried to stick up for you, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. It wasn't right for people to make fun of you, and I probably could've done more to try to stop it, but I was trying my best to find a place in school too. Now that we're in college, I'm hoping we can both move on from what happened in high school, and get to know each other for who we are today."

Or, something like that. The point is that, if you want to feel resolved about it, then the issue is probably going to need resolution. You can't expect this girl to just suddenly have warm feelings after four years of taunts from a crowd you belonged to. Even if you didn't do the taunting, you were part of the group that did, which I'm sure she won't forget the rest of her days.

This is a chance to right a wrong. God only knows why we treat each other so poorly in school -- personally, I think it has to do with the system we put our teens into that give them little choice but to survive based on peer dynamics, meaning creating this ladder of value, based on what, and who, is cool or not cool and all the rest of it -- but, once those days are over, we can all begin to heal from the hurts that took place, and now is your opportunity to make that happen, for both of you.

I hope you decide to talk with her. I think it will help you both.

Answer 5

It sounds like you just want to be nice to her so she likes you..... needy?
I’m only saying this because you used the term; “....wasting my time....”

You know how the saying goes; “”you are what you eat”
– maybe; “you are who you’re friends with.”

A thought.

Answer 6

she has a reason either your not saying or you dont remember but dont sweat it eventually she will forgive you but if you want things to change dont start being an jerk

Answer 7

u cant plz some ppl who cares about her... live ur life with ppl who like u ... u tried ur best to be nice but she didnt care... forget about her

Answer 8

you got to face facts, that not every body is going to like, no matter what you do for them.

So... just get over it.

Answer 9

avoid her