Why did I get chastised by someone who doesn't even know me?

Question

I was at a buddy's New Year's bash and I was talking to a guy pretty much all night that didn't know many people there and he was funny and cool to "shoot the breeze" with. He seemed like a nice guy to be around and then before he left his face turned serious and he said

"I have something I need to give you". So he writes down the name of a book called "The Game". He told me I was communicating wrong with people and the book would tell help me. Now first off, I didn't know everyone there myself, but I introduced myself to people and hung around more with people I had already known. Personally, and im VERY self-conscious of people around me and what they're thinking, I thought I was fine. He told me I was coming off as needy and said that how I said "this year went for you sounded like you needed this one to be better for you".

With all due respect, is this appropiate to be throwing towards someone you've only known for 89 minutes? I kept asking him to explain himself more and in a civil, not hostile way, asked him where he was going with this, then he started saying HE AND I were "frustrated chumps".

He also told me to not call the girl I got a number from that night (who he was friends with) after I told him she also gave her number to someone else.

Then he gave me his email if I had any questions. I felt like an a*s. It kind of overshadowed my night a little. Does anyone else go to New Year's party to be told how they are by people they don't know?

What do I say about this? This still bothers me a bit....I know I was social, but it wasn't like I was bothering anyone.

Answer 1

It sounds like he has his own issues and you should not listen to what this one person has to say about you. he doesn't know you well enough to be making these kind of remarks. If you were friendly and not being an a** to anyone then there is no need to feel bad about yourself or how you act with people. If someone doesn't like you or is simply annoyed by you, you should be able to sense that and normally they are not into your conversation or will make excuses to walk away... and not return. This guy really needs to look at himself and get some help, he sounds so negative and it is no wonder he knew very few people at this party. As far as you go obviously someone there thought you were cool, whether or not they gave out their number to anyone else. Some people do that, for friends or to make a match. if you liked the person you should find out for yourself what kind of person they are. From experience I know that one person's friend is anothers enemy! Not all people like each other plain and simple. You don't sound as though many people say bad things about you. Don't let one person rule on who you are and take it as truth. As far as being needy? This guy sounds like he is the only one being needy... needy in a negative way... needing to put others down to feel good about himself. He is not an expert on human behavior and has no right to recomend a book of any kind in that fashion. Again he doesn't know you! It really doesn't sound like HE knows the correct way to communicate with others! Don't listen to this fool, if you don't have a long list or history of people telling you how awful at communicating you are then you really do not need to worry about this guy.

Answer 2

Thank you for sharing this. I'm really glad you did.

You know when someone suddenly gets religion, like a born-again Christian, how they feel like everyone who isn't a born-again is in a bad place and they want to "save" them? These people, however misguided they may be, genuinely feel this way and are feeling from their hearts that they want you to see the light and do what they did so you too can be "saved."

You're not going to believe this, but I'm going to ask you to have compassion for this poor guy. He's a total social misfit who got hold of a book to try and make himself feel more comfortable around people, and the book said some good things so now he's going around scrutinizing peoples' behavior based on what he just read in the book.

For whatever reason he deemed you needed it, I'm sure he genuinely thought he could help you, but he was too socially inept and unpracticed to bring it up in conversation tactfully. The poor guy's a mess! It's not about you.

Take a moment, close your eyes, take a few slow, deep breaths and relax your eyes completely. Think about this guy. He's terrified inside that he'll come across wrong, because he's done that so much in his life, he's nervous and probably trembling inside most of the time, though he's learning to hide it better. He's been rejected a lot because he offends people, but things just seem to come out of his mouth and he doesn't seem to have control, then he beats himself up for it later when he's by himself. See him small and scared all alone in the black room? Now feel for him. Give him your compassion. Bathe him in your compassion. See it as a light going around his whole body. Tell him, "It'll be okay. It'll be okay."

Peace to you.

Answer 3

Some people just like to think they know everything about everyone. He probably felt like he was doing something "nice" for you. If anything, he was the one that was a social reject. He probably just had to much to drink. I wouldn't worry about one stranger at a party thought of me. Just go on with life and don't give it a second thought. Maybe he was jealous of you for some reason.

Answer 4

Why let this @rshole still upset you almost three months later???? You know your own self. Forget him and his comments - he just tried to impress you with his 'wise knowledge'. He probably had a couple of drinks and was trying his utmost to come over as macho. Don't waste another moment of your precious time on that 89 minute discussion. Go on being your own sweet you, as you well know yourself.

Answer 5

sounds like you probably just met some weirdo who thought he was saving you from a doomed social life. if you were talking to plenty of other people and got a girl's number, i doubt you were doing that bad. try and just brush it off and chalk it up as a wrong first impression of the guy.