this is the beginning of my book excuse dont rate on spelling ill take care of that
He lay at the end of a long narrow corridor, wondering where he was. Then the thought came, who was he? He could not remember any of these things.
"Black eyes in a fire" a voice beckoned. The bewildered man became even more baffled upon hearing this until he came to his feat and recognized doors. Hundreds of them, along the corridor. With little barred windows near the top. He was in a prison. He didn't know who he was, but now he knew where. Then he heard footsteps at the end of the very long corridor and even more confusing thoughts raced through his head. Am I an escaped prisoner? The footsteps came to a cease and the man looked down the corridor to see a very tall figure standing at the end, starring very bluntly at him. He was barely moving until after what seemed an eternity he began running down the long corridor for the man. The man saw that the tall figure was wearing a uniform
2007-03-02 14:48:02 · 10 answers · asked by not me but you 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
so he confirmed his last thought about himself being an escaped prisoner and sprung into action.
He turned around to see a window and the earth not far beneath it. He vaulted out and began to run down a dark alley behind the building he had just left. The figure had reached the window and hopped out as well and headed down the alley.
thats the last of what i wanted to give, and btw also dont comment on putting this into more paragraphs. throughout the entire book there are many i just wanted to express one thought in those long ones... so i did
2007-03-02 14:50:53 · update #1
...also i just realized that anwsers doesnt really display the paragraphing in my anwsers soo.... yea you cant really see.
2007-03-02 14:51:52 · update #2
It has some potential if you clean up your writing (not just spelling), making it more descriptive and less repititious. Redundancy is annoying to the reader and cold impersonal descriptions can't compare to direct action. For example, instead of saying "Then he heard footsteps at the end of the very long corridor," you might consider saying "Footsteps echoed from a great distance down the corridor." Of course, my writing is not good, but I just wanted to give you an idea.
2007-03-02 15:00:10 · answer #1 · answered by Zelda Hunter 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's intriguing but right off the bat you've got a grammatical error. "lay" is a verb meaning to "put or set down" as in to "lay the book on the desk." What you want is the intransitive form of the verb, "lie". "He lie at the end of a long ..." etc.
An editor would read that second word and pass. Seriously. You have to prove you can write, not just come up with a story.
2007-03-02 23:42:46 · answer #2 · answered by §Sally§ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's no way anyone can tell if your book is going to be any good from reading merely a paragraph or two. Stories are about themes. What you have is only something where we can discuss the style of your writing.
Instead, give us a synopsis of your story. And then if you want discuss your controlling idea.
You know those, right? =)
2007-03-03 03:41:04 · answer #3 · answered by i8pikachu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like the beginning of the book. At the end I got a little confused. Just like the character! I LOVE the idea though. Can I copy that? Just kidding! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Catch ya later!
2007-03-03 00:43:35 · answer #4 · answered by Alison I 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like what you have at the moment, if you would like somewhere to post it with copyrights (if you arent publishing it in books yet) try fictionpress.com or deviantart.com. You can have your work viewed, favourited and commented on (comments can be restricted if you do not like people looking at your spelling). Good luck with your book from one fellow writer to another.
2007-03-02 23:35:19 · answer #5 · answered by masucree 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've put in effort so I don't want to be rude but,
your style of writing is quite common and blunt. It's also lacking emotions.
2007-03-02 23:38:22 · answer #6 · answered by WainWain 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Idk
you put in some effort there...so I dont wanna be rude.
but I have seen that sort of a beginning in like a dozen computer games.
Now if its not going to be like in those computer games because its a story to be read...well I wouldnt want to read it because I somewhat think its going to be about gays... no offense
2007-03-02 22:56:05 · answer #7 · answered by ganja_claus 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
it's much better than mine. mine's about a student having an affair with her high school english teacher...
2007-03-02 22:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by stephieSD 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it so far.
2007-03-02 22:51:47 · answer #9 · answered by sydney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would buy it..
2007-03-02 22:50:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋