How do I respond to a sad birth announcement?

Question

A good friend who is healthy and in her 20's just gave birth to her first child and upon delivery found out the child has downs syndrome. What do I say to her???????

Answer 1

I would still congratulate her, but I would also offer to help her out in whatever way I could -- for example sitting with the baby so she can have some time to herself, just getting together to talk, etc.

Answer 2

A baby is a blessing. My mothers first child had Down's syndrome, and she was told to take him home to die ( there were other complications) so they brought him home and loved him for a year and a half just hoping the doctors were wrong. He was much loved by family and friends alike. Just because her child has Downs doesn't make it a sad occasion.She should eventually go for genetic testing to find out if she is a carrier of the gene, especially if she plans on having more children in the future. As for you, stop off at the store and buy a nice little baby toy and go see your friend. She's a new Mom and just got some news that may be shocking to her, the last thing she needs is fpr people to aviod her just because the baby has Down's Syndrome. Show her that it doesn't matter. Be a friend.

Answer 3

I am in almost the same situation except my friend and I were pregnant together. My healthy daughter was born 2 months before her baby girl with previously undiagnosed Downs Syndrome. She is devastated and holding my own baby, I found it hard to find words as well. I just offered to help her in any way that I could and I reminded her that although the diagnosis was tragic, many Downs Syndrome children lead happy, productive lives. We also have a mutual aquaintance whose child has autism and cannot express emotion or even make eye contact. We both agreed things could be worse. Remind your friend her baby is beautiful and although some of her dreams for her child may not come true, there will be many milestones to celebrate and many good times to be had.

Answer 4

I don't really think of it as a "sad" birth announcement. Just because the baby has Downs Syndrome, it is no less of a joyous, happy occasion. If you can, I would just visit her and hang out with her and her baby for a while. Do what you can to help her out in any way. New mothers are usually welcome and receptive to a good friend holding the baby for a while just to give their arms a break and get to talk to a friend obviously.

If she is slightly upset about it, I would talk to her, comfort her and just be there as a friend. If she is upset, it might come from her not expecting it and not knowing what steps she's going to have to take to help the baby meet milestones. If you're very good friends, you could perhaps offer to research or do things with her to learn about Down's Syndrome.

Good luck!

Answer 5

My cousin has Down Syndrome and she is the sweetest child. Just be there for your friend. I'm sure this is a shock for her, so she'll need time to adjust. There are a lot of resources for parents out there, and a lot of things parents can do from birth to help their child develop as close to "normal" (I hate to use that word). For example, my aunt taught her daughter sign language, because children with Down Syndrome many times can understand and sign words before they can speak them.

Anyway, just congratulate her and remember to tell her how beautiful and precious her child is. She will need all the support she can get.

Answer 6

Congratualte her! She is probably scared right now, but assure her that this baby will do great things and that the baby needs her mommy and daddy to just give her lots of love and cuddles!

Please share this web site with her http://www.downsyn.com

it is for parents of children with DS and we have lots of beautiful children that we brag about and share stories, experiences and advice. She is not alone and there is help available to the child to get therapy and things the baby needs to develop.

Here are a couple of poems/stories you can share with yout friend.

Creed for Babies with Down Syndrome
My face may be different
But my feelings the same
I laugh and I cry
And I take pride in my gains
I was sent here among you
To teach you to love
As God in the heavens
Looks down from above
To Him I'm no different
His love knows no bounds
It's those here among you
In cities and towns
That judge me by standards
That man has imparted
But this family I've chosen
Will help me get started
For I'm one of the children
So special and few
That came here to learn
The same lessons as you
That love is acceptance
It must come from the heart
We all have the same purpose
Though not the same start
The Lord gave me life
To live and embrace
And I'll do it as you do
But at my own pace

And WELCOME TO HOLLAND
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


Do what you would do with any other child...fuss over them, coo, cuddle kiss and hug. This child needs what any other child does...love and understanding.

Answer 7

Contratulations on your new baby. Sorry but having Down, (and it IS Down not Down'S) Syndrome isn't always a "sad" thing I have a very good friend who's son has Down Syndrome and he is the love of her life. He is a highschool graduate (graduated with his class), holds two jobs (pizza delivery and a newspaper route) lives in a "group home" where he does most of the cooking, he is really a great cook. He is witty and loveable and very friendly and respectful.

Answer 8

Just because the child has downs syndrome does not make it any less of a joyous occasion. Congratulate her on the birth of the baby as you would any normal child and just let her know if she needs any extra help you will be there for her.

Answer 9

Oh that's horrible. I am sorry for your friend. It's going to be hard for her and her family. Just be a friend. Go give her a hug and tell her that you will be there if she ever need you to help her. You must stick to your promises. This is when your friend will realize who is her true friends or not. I have a 6 month old baby girl, all my friends raved about 'call me if you need me to babysit' or 'i'll come over and you can sleep' or 'i'll come over and help you with the baby or around the house'...No one ever show, they don't offer and they don't respond when you ask. Think about what you are going to say to her and if you promise that you will do something you must live up to it or you will loose a very good friend. Good luck to your friend and God Bless.

Answer 10

I would just treat it like her having a normal baby. Do the things you would normally, go over and offer help or just visit. Let her bring it up. I know this is totally different but my child has a really big birth mark on her lip and everyone always asks me about it and I get tired of talking about it all of the time. So just treat everything like normal until she brings it up.

Answer 11

You really need to respond the same way you would to any birth. They are all very special and all children are gifts from God. I am sure it will be tough but I'm sure she wouldn't trade her baby for the world. So just congratulate her and offer help in anyways, same as you would with any new born. Good Luck, I'm sure you will you do fine and fall in love very quickly!