It's a brand new Spring day, and I can still smell the rain from last night's thunderstorm. I lay on my bed with the sun shining on my face as I listen to the sparrows outside chirping. The house is still, and i know that my mom and my little sister are still asleep. My cat, named Travis, greets me by jumping on my bed and staring at me.
It all seems perfect, but i think its just a disguise that reality likes to use when it's not looking so attractive. I could be laying on the bed, relaxing and enjoying life as it is, but there is just one problem. I have been brainwashed by CNN and The New York Times. Instead of being appreciative of this wonderful Sunday morning, I find myself drowning in thoughts about what tragedy is going to happen next today, or if the world is finally coming to an end. Go ahead, call me crazy and negative, but really you are just like me.
When i was younger, I couldn't wait to become a 'big kid' as I used to call them. (not done)
2007-03-02 12:41:26 · 4 answers · asked by Ohkay 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
But now that I am one, I wish i hadn't grown up so soon. Now i know that I'm now even 18 yet, but you would be surprised at what a young teen age girl can learn about the world without even trying. Don't go thinking that I cant possibly know what I'm talking about when I say that I miss being young. Just the other day, i was feeling sad, and like i was craving something. Now I wasn't craving for an object like chocolate, I was craving to be a little girl again, like when i was only in day care. That was when i realized that the best period of your life is when you are naive and pretty much clueless, just as all tots are. You may wonder why I think this, since at that time in life you can't pronounce all your words yet, but you'll understand me in a minute.
From the day you are born until about the of 7, everyone is naive, right? Well, it wasn't until recently that I discovered how nice not knowing every bad thing in the world is. I wish i knew it at the time too, because thanks
2007-03-02 12:46:29 · update #1
to tv programs, news papers, and my alcoholic step-dad, I've been stripped of my naivety too soon.
Yup thats all..I'll get more into detail later in the story..do you get what Im trying to say?
2007-03-02 12:47:25 · update #2
This made a lot of sense. I totally agree. There are a lot of tragedies and it is impossible to avoid. I've been thinking like that to lately. I love these pages, they have words that flow and i can totally relate! Good job.
2007-03-02 12:57:43 · answer #1 · answered by Girl Who Needs Answers 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, OK.
Your ideas are fine, and it looks as if you are trying to take them somewhere interesting. But...
An editor would note that you need to use a spell checker, that you need to learn to use punctuation properly, that you have made some very simple grammatical errors, and your narrative treatment of yourself, the moment, and the distractions needs to be clarified greatly, or condensed into short introductions of each.
I suggest that you write the entire book, and then throw it away, or hide it, and write it all over again without looking at the first draft. Then you can compare these two drafts, and tell yourself what you think.
Our opinions are only worth soliciting when you have a manuscript that you feel is strong enough to face criticism. It's a lot of work. I hope you are up for it, because I want to read more about the cat and its friend.
Good luck.
2007-03-02 21:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by Longshiren 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but I couldn't get past the grammatical errors, like the misuse of the word "lay" (at least twice!) And this is the second chapter sample I've read this evening, with the first one also misusing the word "lay."
2007-03-02 23:47:39 · answer #3 · answered by §Sally§ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
awesome story
i totally understand
HI 5
2007-03-02 21:04:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋