do you think it is right to get an abortion even if the father of the child wants it?

Question

I am 19 years old and I just found out that I am 3 1/2 months pregnant.. I have a good job and I love my life and I am not ready to raise a child right now..Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and he wants me to keep the child.. I really wanna get an abortion because I am not ready but he wants me to keep it because he says that is apart of him too,,but I am not ready what should I do?

Answer 1

That's a decision you are going to need to make for yourself. It's not my place or anyone Else's on this site to come at you with pro or anti abortion propaganda. This isn't what color i should die my hair, this is a decision you will live with for the rest of your life, this is a decision that will deeply impact your relationship... this may or may not be a decision you will be able to live with for the rest of your life should you chose the wrong one. The one thing you should think about is, that it is your life, you have to life it... and as much as you love boyfriend he may not always be around and whose to say that after this child is born that he may even still want it. Abortion is not the only choice you also have adoption. But if you know in your heart that abortion is the best possible decision you can make for YOURSELF, that all other options ( parenting, adoption) are not feasible, that once your abort you won't be traumatized because believe me it's just as bad as labor pain minus the baby in the end, also abortion shouldn't be an easy out and you do it this time only to get pregnant again and be faced with the same decision. I'm sorry if this was unclear. I just want to stress that this is the decision you will need to make for yourself and don't listen to the people who are going to call you a bad person or horrible on this site honestly they don't know you or your situation and I'd have to ask if faced with the same decision if they would be so quick to judge, it's your body and your right to make a decision for your body. I'm pregnant and decided to parent, my boyfriend is so excited about being a dad, only problem is he is way too irresponsible. I've gone through the entire pregnancy by myself and he continues to say things will be different when the baby is here. It's a load of crap, if he wants you to keep the child and you decided you also want to make sure he knows that it's a huge responsibility and you will not tolerate him being uninvolved during the pregnancy or the rearing. Wanting a child really bad doesn't mean he'll care for it, or feed it when it's hungry, change diapers in the middle of the night, watch him/her while you are in class, shell out hundreds a month for diapers, take a sick babby to the emergency room. Until that baby is born, he/she is a part of YOUR body. so take his words to heart but use your head to make this decision. Good luck honey, i wish you the best of luck and what ever you chose just now that things will be okay.

Answer 2

Well dear I think you may be to far along now to have an abortion anyway.. After a certain time you are unable to get one.. If the father of the baby is willing to take this child and care for this child then why arent you.. You may not be ready for this child but he is it sounds like.. Besides there are so many other girls out there that become a mom at 13, 14, 15, etc.. and they do just fine raising a baby.. And I know none of them was ready for it.. This baby has been given to you for a reason dont think of ending its life.. PLZ

Answer 3

Wow, that is a tough one. Can you still have an abortion that late in a pregnancy? You guys should seek out some counselling together. Maybe there is an alternative; adoption? If you abort, he may resent it and the relationship may fail, but if you have the baby, you may resent it and your boyfriend and then three lives are affected. It is your body...

*** UPDATE *** To add to my previous comment, I was in a similar situation at 23 and got pregnant using birth control. I felt at the time that abortion was my only option, I din't feel I could handle the responsibility, but when it came down to it, I couldn't do it. I had that baby and married her father. We have been married 7 years and now have two beautiful children together. I couldn't imagine my life without them. A parent's love is stronger than anything you will ever feel. Ask yourself how you would feel if you abort this child and then are unable to have children in the future.

I watched the videos and viewed the pics on the sites listed in the other answers, and agree that it is horrible. I still, however, feel that it is a woman's right to choose. There are some situations that I think it is the best choice in the end. Look at all those poor children out there that are raised by angry, resentful parents...maybe drug addicts, abusive etc. (not saying you are like that) and end up taking their own lives because of their horrible situations. They live their whole lives in pain.

ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU, but if you dig deep, you will probably find that you are stronger than you think, and that you can handle it. Good luck to you, whatever you decide, but please do some soul searching and next time take extra precautions!

Answer 4

Heavy question. A child does change everything but not necessarily in a bad way. I was 19 when I had my first and she is wonderful. Your boyfriend is right that the baby is part of him. He would be expected to pay for half of baby's expenses and share in the raising of the baby. So why shouldn't he be allowed to help make the decision if the baby is born?
Granted, life changes. But it doesn't stop. I've gotten married, gone to school, bought a house, got a job and had two more beautiful little girls. I'm only 23 now. I've done alot in my life even with having children young. Having children young has done alot for my life.

Answer 5

One of the things I hate most about this website is the responses people get from ignorant people. Answering the question does not entail insulting the asker for not having the same opinion as you. I don't know what kind of high horses some of you people are on but you need to come off it. She didn't ask if abortion was wrong, she asked if it was right to do it against the father's wishes. So what if her motives for wanting to abort aren't your standard for when it's ok to have an abortion. None of you are going to help her raise her child, none of you even give will even give a damn about that child once it is born. You will not be there massaging her feet or rubbing her belly. You will not hold her hand through the delivery, you won't send her cards, you won't provide for her new family.
But Ten bucks goes down that if her boyfriends decides to leave and she need to go on welfare in order to be able to provide for the child he wanted that 1/2 of you who are so critical of this girl will then turn around and insult her for not using protection or for being stupid. and if she turns out to be a horrible parent, those of you who are her neighbors will more than likely call CPS and then talk about her behind her back. All I have to say is seriously get off it.
The decisions you made in life aren't necessarily the right decision for others and you shouldn't force your opinions on others, her life won't work out the way yours has. It has nothing to do with god, or you.
So her boyfriend wants the kid, well legally he has no standing to contest her abortion and morally it may be wrong for her to kill a fetus who will grow into a child that they may both love, but we don't know that and it's not our place to do anything but answer her question not taunt her for being in a predicament.

Just so you know I am anti-abortion, but I am pro- women's rights.

Answer 6

Rough, chances are having it wouldn't mean you'd be together forever.

If you have made up your mind then there is nothing he can do. You may not stay together after the abortion either.

When I was 26 I got pregnant and had an abortion. My boyfriend begged me not to. He told his whole family I was pregnant and that he was trying to convince me to keep it. I was in no place to have another kid. I was divorced, mom of 3, going to college full-time, and living in my parents home, sleeping in a ten by ten room, with my kids, due to a house fire. Anyhow, long story short. He did break up with me. BUT, we got back together a few months later. And we've been married 2 years now. Haven't had a baby yet together though.

Just consider all your options you are young and have your whole life ahead of you.

Answer 7

THat's not right. If you weren't ready for a child then you shold've kept you legs closed. That child is apart of him and he definately has a say in what happens to his baby. You may not want a baby now but you might when you give labor. If you do not want your baby, then give full custody to the father. You are very inconsiderate for wanting to abort just because you dont feel ready and he actually wants that baby.

Answer 8

You forgot the fundamental element to this catch 22 situation: No newborn has ever asked to be born, nor demanded that that's aborted. one way or the different, that's a process action taken with the help of somebody different than the fetus. some could say that thought is a woman utilising her womb with the intention to fulfill her 'inner Goddess". Others could have us have faith that abortion is a woman playing God. the two way, we are very properly here as a results of fact somebody had the braveness to furnish delivery to us. something is exterior to the debate.

Answer 9

I'm going to be blunt, but it's out of honest concern for you and your baby, okay? Whether you are ready for a child or not, you have one. It's not your baby's fault that you chose to have sex, or that you are 19, or that you love your job. Your baby is totally innocent, didn't ask to be created, and doesn't deserve to die. You are VERY fortunate to have a man in your life who is willing to take responsibility for his child and support you in doing the right thing.

At 14 weeks, your baby is fully-formed. All her organs are functioning. She can suck her thumb, yawn, stretch, smile, frown, get the hiccups, and grasp an object placed in her palm. If her palm is pricked, she will open her mouth and pull her hand away. An ultrasound of an abortion at 12 weeks shows the baby desperately trying to escape the abortionist's instruments, as her heartrate almost doubles and her mouth opens wide. You can see the video here: http://silentscream.org/video1.htm (see part 3). The video is narrated by Dr. Bernard Nathanson, a former abortionist and former owner of the largest abortion clinic in the western world.

You can see photos and video of what your baby looks like right now and read about her development here:
http://www.justthefacts.org/clar.asp
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-2-prenatal.html
http://www.studentsforlife.uct.ac.za/foetal%20dev%20photos.html
http://www.lifeissues.org/ultrasound/11weeks.htm

You can see photos and video of aborted babies here:
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-4-video.html
http://www.cbrinfo.org/Resources/pictures.html

And a video of an abortion in progress here:
http://www.cbrinfo.org

Abortion is very dangerous for you as well. The abortionist must first force open your cervix, which is tightly closed to protect your baby. This can result in tearing and permanent damage. Because you are past the first trimester, your baby is too large to be torn apart by suction. So, the abortionist inserts a pliers-like instrument into your womb, grabs whatever part of the baby happens to be closest, twists her arm, leg, or other body part, and yanks it off. The child is dismembered alive. Finally, the abortionist finds the baby's head, crushes the skull, and pulls it out. Abortion is known as a "blind procedure." The abortionist cannot see what he is doing after he inserts the instruments in your womb, but must go by "feel." He can easily damage your internal organs. You can read about abortion risks and deaths here:
http://afterabortion.info/complic.html
http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/effect_of_abortion.asp
http://www.teenbreaks.com/abortion/complicationsgirls.cfm
http://www.lifedynamics.com/Pro-life_Group/Pro-choice_Women
http://www.afterabortion.info/news/abortiondeaths.html

and read stories from women who have aborted here:
http://abortiontv.com/Words/truestoriesfrom-mothers.htm
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-G-2-testimony.html
http://www.teenbreaks.com/abortion/girlswhoaborted.cfm

If you need support, you can find it here:
http://standupgirl.com/site/index.php
http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp

Please protect yourself, your boyfriend, and your baby, and don't abort. You will never regret letting your baby live. When you hold her in your arms, you will know you did the right thing.

Answer 10

I'm sorry, but this is not ALL ABOUT YOU. How selfish of you to want to kill your baby because you love your life right now and you aren't ready. If you weren't ready you shouldn't have been having sex. I think you have an obligation not only to your baby (at 3.5 months they look pretty much just like a baby, only tiny....don't let anyone fool you that it's just a blob) but you also have an obligation to your boyfriend. This is half his child too, and he wants his baby, and you need to consider the baby and the Daddy, NOT JUST YOURSELF. I know I sound harsh, but I've held my lifeless baby in my arms, dead, just a little over halfway thru the pregnacy, and there is NOTHING more heartbreaking that seeing your own flesh and blood dead, and that is what you would be doing....killing your baby. Abortion is not birth control, it is what it is, and people can white wash it all they want. Yes it is your body, but this is not simply about your body, is it?