You can't be a 'quiet' person if you don't believe you should be a quiet person. Your bf believes arguements should not be loud because that was the environment he was raised in, which means years and years and years of reinforcement. Also, if he did see/witness people yelling, it might have been when they were doing so negatively (expressing strong negativity rather than just strongly expressing their feelings).
Because you were raised differently, you truly don't believe yelling is a bad thing (if you did, you wouldn't do it.) You believe yelling loudly is a way to get your point across or heard, and like your bf, you've had years and years and years of reinforcement. You don't do something for years and years and years and suddenly say "I'm not going to do that anymore."
Trying to force yourself to argue 'quietly' is just as bad as trying to force your boyfriend to get loud with you. What I suggest is finding an avenue or a person where you can argue the way you need to 'normally' so that you have an outlet for those feelings. That way, you will be able to limit yourself when you are with your bf because you aren't going 'cold turkey'.
Another thing you need to do is constantly, constantly let your bf know, when you are arguing loudly with someone, what that means. Thats because then you are expanding his knowledge, because now he has something other than his own reference to understand how people communicate with each other (which is what arguing is.) Even if he doesn't understand it, especially if the arguing is with someone you are close to, the repetition of the arguing (and the talking with afterwards) will eventually at least suggest to him that a) not all loud arguing is bad b) my gf wasn't totally lying to me (which is what he thinks, because that is what he believes happens when people argue loudly) and c) at least some loud arguing can be gotten past.
You don't want to ignore the way he feels, but neither do you want to ignore the way you feel and think. Compromise is the key.
2007-03-02 09:57:48
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answer #1
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answered by Khnopff71 7
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There is no easy answer, the reality is, it just takes time. If you are arguing and you feel yourself starting to get loud, just stop. Take a breath. Do not be scared to take that time and listen to him. When he's done, think about a response BEFORE you answer. I think this will keep you calm enough to talk and not yell. Also, don't be afraid to ask him to stop and walk away if you have to. Yelling will only frustrate you both further and make the argument more confusing and pointless.
2007-03-02 09:48:16
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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If you really want to change, during your next argument, try sitting right across the table from him, or right next to him on the couch, move your face to within 3 or 4 inches of his face, look into his eyes and then see if you think yelling seems to be neccesary. Practice makes perfect. Treat that guy you love like you would want to treat your infant. Yelling only makes people defensive.
2007-03-02 09:47:14
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answer #3
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answered by Jolly 2
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i used to wonder before why my friend and her siblings were yelling at each other but they said they're just talking. it's odd for me coz i'm a soft spoken person that sometimes you have to ask me to repeat what i've said. i understand now why there are people who talks loud and to others it's yelling and i understand your explanation why you talk that way. sometimes to stress your point is to raise your voice but for you that is normal. just try to be calm when stressing your point in an argument. it will be hard at first but your desire to change for your loved one is worth the try. you can do it.
2007-03-02 09:49:25
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answer #4
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answered by Lola 5
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Think before you open your mouth. You an break the habit if you really want to.
2007-03-02 09:50:30
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answer #5
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answered by notyou311 7
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When you guys fight, don't say anything just look at him and nod...then go to your room or a quiet place and think and calm down..then go up to him and be like..i need to talk..and explain to him calmly..it will work..i use to be like you HEHE
2007-03-02 09:48:38
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answer #6
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answered by AmY 1
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You know what?, to hell with him! If'n he can't listen to a little yellin' from the woman he loves, then he needs to quit pissin' her off. Also, if you're "workin' on it", then he needs to have some patience, yes?
2007-03-02 09:47:15
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answer #7
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answered by full_tilt_boogie 4
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