My husband has no goals for a career, is this normal?

Question

Ever since I was little there was always something I wanted to be...a teacher, a marine biologist, a fire fighter, a nurse. My husband says that he has no desire to be anything. He says his goal in life is to be retired so he can do anything he wants all day...like work on cars. He says he likes to buy stuff, like cars and trailers. When we were first married, he said something about working for the Boy Scout Office. Am I the only one that thinks my hubands needs to grow up? I feel like he's being irresponsible. He has had 5 different jobs in our 5 years of marriage. Is there some sort of financial or career counselor we can go to to get advice?

He wasn't like this when I married him...he was going to school. He said he wanted to go into the family business as a meat cutter or possibly get a degree as an Engineer. No I haven't become what I thought I wanted to...the farthest I got in my nursing career was a Medical Assistant. Then we got married and pregnant right away, now I'm a stay-at-home mom with 3 girls. Perhaps, I'm upset that I have goals I'm putting on hold, while he's doing nothing? That may be my real problem. He does have a job that has pretty good benefits, health insurance, retirement, 401K, and life insurance...but he's complaning the drive is too far and he doesn't know how long he'll work there. (It's a 45 minute commute which he carpools to, he only drives once a week.)

Answer 1

My husband and I were in the Military, and during the 1st year of Marriage, he made a comment to me that he thought he wanted to be an actor. (My whole life flashed before my eyes)!!! I thought "oh my goodness, I married a friggin loser"!!!

So I basically pacified him. I wasn't too concerned at the time, because I knew he had about another 3 year obligation to the military.

At the end of the 3 years I asked him again what he wanted to do.(I didn't like the answer)

Long story short, I wrote a list of reasons to stay in the military, and reason to get out, the list to stay in was longer (by design)well, he signed up for another 4 years. At the end of the 4 years he said he was thinking about going into law enforcement.....(good answer I thought)...so we got out of the military..and that's what he did.

We've been married for 15 years, and one thing I have learned, is that men can be lazy at times, and at times dreamers. You have to steer them in the right direction sometimes, without being boss (let them think it was their idea). Find out what your husband is good at, and suggest different career options in a non-threatening way...kind of in passing.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I disagree with the acceptance route. If you are not happy with your husband's life choices, you will have marriage problems. Your lives are intertwined and you must achieve a synergy to prosper. Some men need some direction and encouragement as well as support for their decisions from their wives or significant others.

If your husband says his goal is to be retired, then he has a goal. Ask him how he plans to reach that goal and within what time frame.

You might want to get him an Anthony Robbins or a Rich Dad, Poor Dad book/CD. These motivational speakers teach you to change your life by deciding what your goal is and planning for it. If he likes to buy stuff or work on cars, there might be a business he could start using those skills where he could make enough money to retire. Also, you mention your goals, what's up with those? Are you what you wanted to be? If you are frustrated that you are not reaching your goals, make a plan for yourself. Your actions might inspire his.

If you wish to get a nursing degree, there are many options such as part time, online, etc. Don't put it on hold. A few classes a year adds up and soon you have the degree.

Answer 3

If the bills are paid, everyone's happy and has health insurance, there may be no problem. But since your user name is "mommyem" I am assuming there was, is or will be children in the picture. These days you really need health insurance for kids and a long-term full time job is the only way to get it, for the most part. If one of you does have health insurance for the kids, then no problem. Otherwise you may want to ask him to consider his job more seriously plus reconsider where he is going to get the money for this retirement he is so excited about. Even if your kids are grown, you need to be able to afford health insurance for yourselves if you retire. Does he want to be a financial burden on them for his health needs?

Do one of those "can you afford to retire?" quizzes online. They will project your retirement money based on what you do now. A career counselor could help you but they cost an arm and a leg. There are plenty of self-help resources online. It sounds like he's just not motivated and there's not much you can do about that until he admits it himself.

Answer 4

This situation comes down to personal values and life expecation. Having life goals sometimes is more important than career goals. That doesn't mean the person is worst than someone who is career minded or irresponsible because of it. Though, he is being irresponsible if he puts financial stress on you because he doesn't want to work and not earning enough b/c of job changes, etc...If that is the case, perhaps you are with the wrong person because both of your values are complete opposite of each other. You have to look at both of your needs. Your #1 need seems to be of "stability", while his is "happiness". You and him might want both happiness and stability, but the fact your ranking of these needs are different makes a big different in perspective.

My suggestion is evalute your true needs, rank it, and see where it falls with his. Its better to find out now than later, but I wouldn't necessary say he is irresponsible because of it.

Answer 5

Please don't take this the wrong way, but the only people I know without goals or ambitions smoke pot all day. Everybody wants to do or be something, we all have goals we are working towards, we want to buy a nicer home, we want to travel, we need to put our kids through college, things like that. People who have no direction are just lost, don't you think? In order to retire, you should have had a career first.

Answer 6

Well, you say he has a job with good benefits, isn't that a career or something? So he isn't doing nothing, but it could be you wanting more. I don't think any marriage is easy unless someone is very lucky.

Answer 7

It's not wrong not to have a specific interest. However, it's wrong to float. Sticking to a job is part of being a grown-up.

It sounds like he doesn't want career advice.

It also sounds like he likes cars. Why isn't he getting a job where he can work on cars, but get paid for it?

Answer 8

Sounds like you're really angry at him...maybe the two of you should see a MARRIAGE counselor.

Everyone is different. You have your dreams/goals and he has his. His, apparently, are not the same as yours.

I have been married for 23 years and the hardest lesson I had to learn is my husband is my husband and I am me. Don't try to change him, it will only make you both miserable

Answer 9

you knew this before you married him and it didn't bother you then and now you expect him to change...thats not right. yes everyone SHOULD have goals but who's to say what goals are wrong and what goals are right? His plans for the future are different from yours, maybe talk things out with someone next time you get married to them.

Answer 10

No. Depending on his age determines how abnormal he actually is but I'm sure u can figure out the way the scale tips. (if not older being the most abnormal and younger the least.